The Real Carolina

One of the cool things about college sports is that they can drag politics into the picture in often hilarious and harmless ways. One of the more common and amusing examples of this is when two governors make a friendly wager on the outcome of a sporting event involving schools in their respective states. In 2003, the governors of Texas and Oklahoma made a bet on the outcome of the Red River Shootout. The stakes? 150 pounds of Oklahoma cornmeal vs. 325 pounds of Texas beef. With the Sooners 65-13 thrashing of the Longhorns, the Oklahoma governor laughed all the way to skillet.

Numerous other harmless bets between governors have been made over the years, but this weekend provides an opportunity for a wager that really matters. South Carolina heads into Chapel Hill this weekend to take on the Tar Heels in what should be a very exciting football game. The governors of two states have the wager of a lifetime sitting right in front of them. They should bet on which school gets to be called Carolina. First of all, the schools would have to sign a contract stipulating that they would meet every year, no matter what. This should happen anyway, as it would foster a great rivalry. What better time to do it with high profile coaches like Steve Spurrier and Butch Davis roaming the sidelines.

Now I realize that most people recognize UNC as the “real” Carolina. But I’m tired of the whole “we were a school first” excuse. That is getting very old and very lame, especially when Chapel Hill was founded only 12 years before USC (1789 vs. 1801). By my call, each school and their fan base have an equal right to use the Carolina moniker.

So back to my idea. Have the governors bet on who gets to use the Carolina name. The winner of the football game gets to use the Carolina name until the teams meet again the following fall. The loser has to add North or South to their title. And to make it even more meaningful, this would apply to all sports and literature about the schools. The loser would not be allowed to emblazen the sole word “Carolina” on any athletic uniform. On all broadcasts, the loser would have their compass direction printed while the winner would not.

Of course each fan base would continue to call their respective school “Carolina”, but the pride associated with a football win and knowing the media would bless the title “Carolina” on your school would be priceless. What better way to kick start a rivalry that should happen every year anyway. I challenge you, Governors Easley and Sanford.

The real point of all this is that it’s just better to be from a state like Virginia that has sole possession of its name and lets the inbreds from Morgantown have fun with their “West”.

On a related note, is there a fight over the Dakota name between the respective North and South states? Are there riots in Bismarck and Pierre over the proper moniker of Dakota? If there is no one around to hear the argument between the 2 total North and South Dakota fans, do the schools even exist?

Two other random thoughts while yall ponder the bet of the century:

I was in Starbucks this morning and ordered a “medium coffee”, as I refuse to give in to the ridiculous naming of their cup sizes. The girl working behind the counter looked at me like a deer in headlights before snapping out of it, turning around and yelling “Can I get a grande coffee?”. Anyway, I started listening to the people behind me and realized that their orders sounded absorutery redicurous. It was honestly like I was listening to a quarterback scream out a play call.

Ok boys, we got a venti, low fat, mocha frap with no whip and room for cream on three, on three…hut!

I felt like an outcast going in to Starbucks and ordering a medium coffee while everyone behind me had to look at a plastic sheet on their forearm to get their order right.

Secondly, I heard a commercial on the radio that almost made me slam on the brakes in laughter. It was an ad for a financial company decrying the need to refinance your mortgage now before the market collapses. It all sounded fine until the spokesman ended the commercial with the line

It’s the biggest no brainer in the history of Earth.

Wow. That’s a bold statement. You better be willing to back that shit up. I don’t see how you can go with that as your tag line. Seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Well that concludes this week’s edition of the Oceanliner. Many of us from the DC area will be making the trip down to Cville this weekend for Homecomings. If you are on the fence, don’t be a punk ass bitch. Make the trip down. Austin and I will be having a tailgate at Alumni Hall before and after the game with food and alcohol, so be sure and stop by. All are welcome. Until next time, stay tuned, keep it real, and play the game.