A State of Emergency

So Mike Vick got 23 months. I think that’s pretty fair. One of the major topics that are being discussed in the wake of his sentencing is whether Vick will be able to return to the NFL after serving his time. People are saying that he will have spent too much time away from the game to be able to come back and be a quarterback in the NFL. John Clayton says his physical skills will diminish by too much and the game will pass him by.

People must not realize what a horrendous state of affairs the quarterback position is in the National Football League right now. Some of the worst quarterback play the league has ever seen is being showcased every week, and it’s becoming a state of emergency, yet no one has seemed to notice.

The list of awful quarterbacks who have either started or played significant minutes in a game this year is staggering. The NFL should be giving refunds to ticket holders that are being forced to watch such putrid performances. These are some of the trick ass marks, mark ass tricks, skip skap skalliwags and hoolihoops that have played quarterback in the NFL this year:

Kyle Orton and Shaun Hill are both slated to start this week, for the Bears and 49ers respectively. Kyle Orton is so bad that he was the backup to Rex Grossman and Brian Griese. All three of these bums will have started for the defending Super Bowl runner ups. Shaun Hill is starting for my beloved 49ers on Sunday, and I’ve never heard his name in my life. He was the starting quarterback at Maryland while I was at UVA, and I’ve never heard of him. The 49ers have averaged a league worst 13 points a game this year, and there’s no way they are going to come anywhere close to that against the Bengals this weekend. Also, the 9ers signed 76 year old Chris Weinke as their emergency quarterback.

By the way, the Patriots have scored 332 more points than the 49ers this year.

In a game earlier this year, Vinny Testaverde and Trent Dilfer were the opposing starting quarterbacks in an “NFL” game. Fans should have sued the NFL for false advertisement. Vinny and Dilfer have more business pushin AARP and Propecia than starting in the NFL.

Gus Ferrotte and Brock Berlin have both started for the pathetic St. Louis Rams this year. Good they they gave $60 mil to Bulger,

Chad Pennington and Kellen Clemens have been the signal callers for the Jets this season. A 5^th grade girl could jump one of Pennington’s out routes and Clemens has been terrible.

Down in Miami, Cleo Lemon (yes, that’s his real name) and John Beck have been dueling to see which can have the worst record as a starter. They are both succeeding equally as poorly, combining for a .000 winning percentage.

Atlanta obviously got a raw deal with Vick electrocuting dogs, but their decision to get rid of Matt Schaub has really kicked them in the nuts. They have started Joey “Piano Hands” Harrington, Byron “Where’s the Buffett” Leftwich and most recently Chris “Who the hell is Chris Redman” Redman. Not that Schaub has even been that impressive, but he looks like the Golden Boy compared to these idiots.

AJ Feeley is doing two things, sucking at starting a couple games for the Eagles and seeing how long he can use an elementary school nickname before he gets his ass beat.

The Ravens are just plain pitiful. Kyle Boller is the lead candidate for his 5^th consecutive All Loser Team selection and I think Steve McNair’s right leg just fell off. At some point, McNair’s body is actually going to shatter like the T1000 at the end of the second Terminator. Except this time it wont slither back together.

Josh and Luke McCown have both started games this year, for the Raiders and Bucs. Who?

Not only have the Pathers played Vinny Testaverde, but he is actually their best option compared to David “Butler Hands” Carr and nobody Matt Moore.

It is easy to forget Kansas City still has a franchise when their two starters this year, Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle, have the first names of a bad steakhouse, and game worse than a Long John Silver’s.

Charlie Frye was your opening day starter in Cleveland. I think he’s selling sandals along the highway now.

The legendary Todd Collins looks like the starter for the rest of the season for the Skinnies.

Bruce Gradkowski, Troy Smith, Sage Rosenfels, and Tyler Thigpen have all played at least a half a game this year fro their respective slubs. 20 bucks to whoever knows who all four play for.

These honestly cannot be quarterbacks in the NFL. That sounds like a list of homeless people, not quarterbacks. Some of this is being overshadowed by Tom Brady’s amazing season, but the NFL really has to take a look at this crisis.

I don’t know what the cause is. Some of it may have to do with the prevalence of the spread in college. The guys are only making one or two reads before running the ball. But I have no idea. All I know is that the level of quarterback play in the bottom 20 teams in the NFL is unacceptable.

I didn’t even mention semi scrubs that may suck like Vince Young, Jay Cutler, Matt Lenient, Kurt Warner, Alex Smith, Tarvaris Jackson, JP Losman and Trent Edwards.

So the real point is, after 550 words, is that Mike Vick could definitely play quarterback in the NFL, probably until he was 50, given the level of absolute losers currently sucking a huge amounts of nuts under center in the NFL right now.

RIP Ribrary Courts Vending Machine

It has given up many a memory, but alas, the Ribrary Courts vending machine is no more. Turns out they figured something out and shut down the free soda reign. One day The Oceanliner came home and walked into the elevator waiting area, and I could feel a huge void, but couldn’t figure out what it was. Then I realized there was no vending machine in the corner. They had terminated it. Those bastards. Ceejay…

Well, that’s it for now. I have my company Xmas party on Friday afternoon, and Austin’s is later that night. Should be a good time. Until next time, keep warm, rock some sweet sweaters and keep chuggin that eggnog.