Miracles

Do you believe in miracles? No, I’m not talking about the 1980 US Olympic hockey team, the litany of darlings in this year’s NCAA Tournament (Davidson, Western Kentucky, Villanova), or even the fact that “Two and Half Men” is the highest rated comedy in the country. Seriously, how do people like that show? No, I’m not even talking about Sean Singletary’s 6 points in the last 6 seconds (including a banked 3 to tie) against ODU in the quarters of the College Basketball Invitational on Monday. The miracle I’m referring to is Ryan “Pett” Pettinella going three straight games with more points than fouls. I had written off this Oceanliner original feature 4 games ago when Pett fell into his deepest hole of the season and reached minus 15 on the Richter scale. But slowly, steadily and frighteningly for free throw coaches, Pett has scored in the plus for 3 straight contests now and has cut his deficit to minus 8 heading into tonight’s Final Four game (of the CBI) against Bradley. If the Hoos win tonight, it gives Pett at least two more games after that to try and rally from the darkest hole imaginable, and maybe three. This is only possible because this inaugural CBI has a final that is a three game series. Yup, you read that right. So let’s all keep our fingers crossed. I would be truly stunned if Pett finished the season with 5 straight more points than fouls games to get himself back into the red, but it would be a fantastic finish.

It would such a fantastic finish that my coworker and I started thinking about who would play the title characters of this drama if it were turned into a major motion picture. The most important role is obviously Pett himself. After careful consideration, I think Chris Klein (the lax jock in American Pie) would play the title role beautifully. Just check out the similarities between these two “studs”:

Next we need the filler for Dave Leitao. This role cannot be taken lightly, as it is Leitao’s furor and passion that pushes Pett to try and finish his senior year with more points than fouls. I’m thinking Sam Jackson here. Next we need a grim character to play the UVA Sports Information Director who midway through the season realizes what a dubious record Pett is about to set. This one was easy. No one is grimmer and more hardass at the same time that Fred Thompson in Die Hard 2 as the air traffic controller.

“My God…Pett has more fouls than points and we are halfway through the season. Christ help us all.”

It’s pure harmony. Some of the other characters are shoe ins as well. Lars would obviously play himself. No one could match his level of awkward intensity and tool-isheness. Plus no one could replicate his very strange sweat patterns. Julia Stiles would have to play a cheerleader that ends up sleeping with a black guy; that’s just what she does in movies. We would have to work in Sean Patrick Thomas in as well, as he only has UVA to hold onto anymore. He would fill in nicely as reserve players Solomon Tat or Jerome Meyinsse, or both. I am still brainstorming on other roles in this masterpiece. Please feel free to leave any suggestions as to who should star in this bio epic.

In all honesty now though, has anyone seen the end of the UVA-ODU game where Singletary had 6 points in the final 6 seconds to seal the win? Insane. Here is the link to watch this crazy video:

http://www.virginiasportstv.com/?v=1674&f=.mov

Singletary is amazing. As I said before, we play Bradley tonight in one semifinal, and if we advance we will play the winner of Tulsa and Houston in a 3 game series final. Too bad none of it is televised.

Moooooving on. So the final Eliminator never really happened (sorry to crush everybody by not providing last minute bracket analysis). It’s a little late now to update, but I’m going to do it anyway, and you’ll just have to believe that this is what I was going to say before last Thursday. It helps that two of my Eliminator picks are already out, for the exact reasons I predicted. Here is a direct quote from my February 29^th column: “At some point the 3’s will stop falling, and that’s when the Devils will lose.” Against West Virginia, Duke missed 15 straight triples at one point. That’s all there is to it. Georgetown was another Eliminator pick, mainly because of Roy Hibbert’s marginality. He had a Pettinella like night against Davidson with 6 points and 5 fouls. Buh bye Hoyas.

This is where you will just have to believe me, now that I’m talking about teams that are still in it. This is an incredibly top heavy tournament in my opinion. I think the best 8 or so teams are head and shoulders above the competition. I think it is impossible that a 1 or a 2 seed doesn’t cut down the nets this year. This means Wisconsin, Louisville, Wazzu, Xavier, Stanford and Michigan St can all kiss their title hopes good bye, along with the obvious low seeds like Villanova, Davidson, Western Kentucky and West Virginia. Now Duke and Georgetown are already gone as two seeds. And from past Eliminators we know that UCLA and Memphis will not be national champions. Again, UCLA will lose because of a horrendous officiating call and Memphis will lose because they can’t hit free throws (15-32, 46% against Miss St; good golly miss Molly). That leaves four teams with a chance for a title: Carolina, Texas, Kansas and Tennessee. The Vols have looked like garbage, but I can’t eliminate them based on 20/20 vision. That’s it, there’s your Eliminator. Yours truly picked Texas to win it all over Kansas in a rematch of the awesome Big 12 Title Game, but I’m scared to death of the Tar Heels right now. But hey, that’s why they play the games, and I can’t wait.

In one more note for this week, you can count me as the one person in America that’s not on the Stephen Curry bandwagon. Well, me and all the Gonzaga and Georgetown fans. Sure he’s good and all, but Curry is just too freakin weird looking for me to be a fan. I’m scared when I see him up close. Both his parents look normal, hell his mom is even kinda hot, but Curry himself looks like an albino cancer patient. His skin pigmentation really throws me off. His ears seem too big for his head, or he needs to grow longer hair (if he can). So that’s how I feel about that.

Well that’s it for this week folks. I took a one-week break from posting, mainly because I was lazy. But now it is springtime, and hopefully I will start posting with frequency now as nature starts blooming. Speaking of spring and blooming, I would like to congratulate a certain Mr. Fish and his engagement to Kathryn. I think it’s freakin awesome, and I know they will be happy. So on that positive note, stay safe, keep it real, and toss that rice.