Some things are meant to be seen in high definition. Mike Patrick is not one of them. I was at a sports bar on Saturday night and inadvertently turned around to a 70-inch HD projection close up of Mike Patrick and almost had a heart attack. Looking at him with preparation is bad enough; a sneak attack is downright deadly. Seriously, the dude is ugly. It makes me so mad that the Georgia-Alabama game is going to be called by Jabba the Hut instead of Verne.
Patrick should be the one calling the sloppy-seconds Auburn-Tennessee game, not Verne.
So I was in the airport on Friday morning and walked passed a 5 Guys where multiple people were chowing down on double cheeseburgers at 7 in the morning.
This is a device you can install in your fence so your dog can see the outside world. I can’t think of anything more essential. The description of the product says that the porthole will “quench your dog’s natural curiosity and also may help reduce barking and other undesirable behaviors.” Yours for only $30.
On the flight back from New York that same night (long day), we flew right over Yankee Stadium as a game was going on. It was very cool stuff as we had only just taken off and were still low to the ground, and you could see all the flashbulbs going off at the Stadium with the lit up Manhattan skyline in the background. Yes, I felt like a baller.
Yes! Anecdotes from the beginning, middle and end of my trip. Perfect symmetry. And now onto to the box score perusements of the week.
West Virginia hired the complete wrong guy in Bill Stewart, but that’s beside the point here. The Mountaineers only threw for 43 yards against Colorado, but you can keep it close when you rush for 311. Starting “quarterback” Pat White had 148 yards on 19 carries and two scores while Noel “Darren Sproles Jr” added 133 yards on 26 carries. It’s not a good sign when your quarterback’s longest run is longer that his total passing yards for the game, which is exactly what happened to WVU this weekend. Watch for the Couch Burners to continue struggling this year, and for Uconn to win the “Big” East.
If you want to talk about a dominant running game on a team that’s actually good, you need to look at Georgia Tech. The Jackets had a staggering 438 rushing yards against Mississippi State, including four different players with 50+ rushing yards. Defense was the supposed reason Sylvester Croom was brought to Starkville, but Paul Johnson made him look like a fool in a 38-7 beat down (the Bulldogs didn’t even score until mid way through the fourth quarter). Count the Oceanliner among those who were chugging the Haterade when GT hired Johnson, but the guy obviously knows how to coach, and the Ramblin’ Wreck look solid.
On the other end of the spectrum, South Carolina State did not have their finest rushing day against Clemson. The Bulldogs had -10 rushing yards on 21 carries. That’s not going to help the average.
Ugly Game of the Week: Northwestern’s 16-8 win over Ohio featured 3 field goals, a 1 yard touchdown run, a 12 yard touchdown pass, a failed two point conversion and 9 total turnovers. Nine times.
My boy Ontario Sneed from Central Michigan continues to impress, no matter what Tyler says about his sweet ass name. The jack of all trades followed up last weeks two touchdown run performance with two touchdown catches this week against Purdue.
The aerial attack in the Boston College-Central Florida game was not what the offensive coordinators were hoping for. The two teams combined for seven interceptions. On the other hand, nobody fumbled!
In another bumbled aerial “attack”, Wyoming had three different quarterbacks throw picks against BYU.
In foreign policy news, the Akron kicker’s name is Igor Iveljic. I feel bad for the guy who comes to America to explore new worlds and ends up in Akron, Ohio.
Chase Daniel is a bad man. Dude completed 20 consecutive passes against Buffalo en route to 439 yards and 2 TD’s. He was 36-43 for the game, and is impressing me mightily. Impressive in the box scores that it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him play on TV yet. I need to fix that this year.
Previous box score perusing subject Javon Ringer of Michigan State is quickly becoming a staple of this space. Ringer followed up his 43 carry 282 yard performance against Florida Atlantic with another 39 carries and 201 yards against Notre Dame. H-O-R-S-E.
The Irish, on the other hand, had a stellar 22 carries for 16 yards.
No one is more excited for free post-surgery ice cream than Charlie Weis. No one.
Carolina’s backup quarterback completed five passes against the Hokies. Unfortunately two of them were to the wrong team. But guess who it is, Mike Paulus, brother of Dukie Greg. Well, Greg is used to throwing balls to the other team, so Mike is following in his footsteps. Heyoooo!
Fellow Episcopal High School grad Danny Coale led Tech in catches and receiving yards against UNC, as a freshman. Yes, we are taking over the world. John McCain is also an EHS grad. Like I said, no one can stop us. Except maybe old age.
Oregon has a running back named Jeremiah Johnson. What a head scalping badass.
Ian Johnson, Boise State running back who proposed after the Fiesta Bowl against Oklahoma, is still there. Way to throw your college experience away to marriage, I thought that guy had to be a senior back then.
One of Western Kentucky’s “quarterbacks” was 2-2 for -9 yards against Murray State. That’s hard to do, especially when they still won by 41.
Louisiana Lafayette had two rushers go for over 150 yards, with the quarterback going for 150 on the dot and their running back churned out a buck 94.
I got a headache looking at the New Mexico-Tulsa box score. D. Johnson had 469 passing yards and D. Johnson also had 109 receiving yards for Tulsa. I must have had a case of the Mondays, as it took me about a minute to realize they were different people.
Nicholls State completed two passes in the entire game against Memphis and was still tied at the half.
Quote of the Week: Warren Buffet is a badass, and he summed up the current financial situation like this. “You only learn who has been swimming naked when the tide goes out – and what we are witnessing at some of our largest financial institutions is an ugly sight.”
So Spain beat the United States in the Davis Cup over the weekend. Weird thing was, they played the tennis matches in the Madrid bullfighting ring.
Silly Spaniards, Trix are for kids.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. I’m incredibry nervous about the Hoos taking on the Dukies in Durham. It’s a noon game, so if UVA loses, its going to be a long Saturday. But until next time, stay safe, keep it real and let it hang.
Patrick should be the one calling the sloppy-seconds Auburn-Tennessee game, not Verne.So I was in the airport on Friday morning and walked passed a 5 Guys where multiple people were chowing down on double cheeseburgers at 7 in the morning.
Woof.
One of my favorite things about flying is looking through all of the preposterous products in Sky Mall. My personal favorite from last week; the Pet Observation Porthole.
One of my favorite things about flying is looking through all of the preposterous products in Sky Mall. My personal favorite from last week; the Pet Observation Porthole.
This is a device you can install in your fence so your dog can see the outside world. I can’t think of anything more essential. The description of the product says that the porthole will “quench your dog’s natural curiosity and also may help reduce barking and other undesirable behaviors.” Yours for only $30. On the flight back from New York that same night (long day), we flew right over Yankee Stadium as a game was going on. It was very cool stuff as we had only just taken off and were still low to the ground, and you could see all the flashbulbs going off at the Stadium with the lit up Manhattan skyline in the background. Yes, I felt like a baller.
Yes! Anecdotes from the beginning, middle and end of my trip. Perfect symmetry. And now onto to the box score perusements of the week.
West Virginia hired the complete wrong guy in Bill Stewart, but that’s beside the point here. The Mountaineers only threw for 43 yards against Colorado, but you can keep it close when you rush for 311. Starting “quarterback” Pat White had 148 yards on 19 carries and two scores while Noel “Darren Sproles Jr” added 133 yards on 26 carries. It’s not a good sign when your quarterback’s longest run is longer that his total passing yards for the game, which is exactly what happened to WVU this weekend. Watch for the Couch Burners to continue struggling this year, and for Uconn to win the “Big” East.
If you want to talk about a dominant running game on a team that’s actually good, you need to look at Georgia Tech. The Jackets had a staggering 438 rushing yards against Mississippi State, including four different players with 50+ rushing yards. Defense was the supposed reason Sylvester Croom was brought to Starkville, but Paul Johnson made him look like a fool in a 38-7 beat down (the Bulldogs didn’t even score until mid way through the fourth quarter). Count the Oceanliner among those who were chugging the Haterade when GT hired Johnson, but the guy obviously knows how to coach, and the Ramblin’ Wreck look solid.
On the other end of the spectrum, South Carolina State did not have their finest rushing day against Clemson. The Bulldogs had -10 rushing yards on 21 carries. That’s not going to help the average.
Ugly Game of the Week: Northwestern’s 16-8 win over Ohio featured 3 field goals, a 1 yard touchdown run, a 12 yard touchdown pass, a failed two point conversion and 9 total turnovers. Nine times.
My boy Ontario Sneed from Central Michigan continues to impress, no matter what Tyler says about his sweet ass name. The jack of all trades followed up last weeks two touchdown run performance with two touchdown catches this week against Purdue.
The aerial attack in the Boston College-Central Florida game was not what the offensive coordinators were hoping for. The two teams combined for seven interceptions. On the other hand, nobody fumbled!
In another bumbled aerial “attack”, Wyoming had three different quarterbacks throw picks against BYU.
In foreign policy news, the Akron kicker’s name is Igor Iveljic. I feel bad for the guy who comes to America to explore new worlds and ends up in Akron, Ohio.
Chase Daniel is a bad man. Dude completed 20 consecutive passes against Buffalo en route to 439 yards and 2 TD’s. He was 36-43 for the game, and is impressing me mightily. Impressive in the box scores that it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him play on TV yet. I need to fix that this year.
Previous box score perusing subject Javon Ringer of Michigan State is quickly becoming a staple of this space. Ringer followed up his 43 carry 282 yard performance against Florida Atlantic with another 39 carries and 201 yards against Notre Dame. H-O-R-S-E.
The Irish, on the other hand, had a stellar 22 carries for 16 yards.
No one is more excited for free post-surgery ice cream than Charlie Weis. No one.
Carolina’s backup quarterback completed five passes against the Hokies. Unfortunately two of them were to the wrong team. But guess who it is, Mike Paulus, brother of Dukie Greg. Well, Greg is used to throwing balls to the other team, so Mike is following in his footsteps. Heyoooo!
Fellow Episcopal High School grad Danny Coale led Tech in catches and receiving yards against UNC, as a freshman. Yes, we are taking over the world. John McCain is also an EHS grad. Like I said, no one can stop us. Except maybe old age.
Oregon has a running back named Jeremiah Johnson. What a head scalping badass.
Ian Johnson, Boise State running back who proposed after the Fiesta Bowl against Oklahoma, is still there. Way to throw your college experience away to marriage, I thought that guy had to be a senior back then.
One of Western Kentucky’s “quarterbacks” was 2-2 for -9 yards against Murray State. That’s hard to do, especially when they still won by 41.
Louisiana Lafayette had two rushers go for over 150 yards, with the quarterback going for 150 on the dot and their running back churned out a buck 94.
I got a headache looking at the New Mexico-Tulsa box score. D. Johnson had 469 passing yards and D. Johnson also had 109 receiving yards for Tulsa. I must have had a case of the Mondays, as it took me about a minute to realize they were different people.
Nicholls State completed two passes in the entire game against Memphis and was still tied at the half.
Quote of the Week: Warren Buffet is a badass, and he summed up the current financial situation like this. “You only learn who has been swimming naked when the tide goes out – and what we are witnessing at some of our largest financial institutions is an ugly sight.”
So Spain beat the United States in the Davis Cup over the weekend. Weird thing was, they played the tennis matches in the Madrid bullfighting ring.
Silly Spaniards, Trix are for kids.Well, that’s it for this week folks. I’m incredibry nervous about the Hoos taking on the Dukies in Durham. It’s a noon game, so if UVA loses, its going to be a long Saturday. But until next time, stay safe, keep it real and let it hang.
3 comments:
Seriously, that dog looks like he will never leave that porthole. I disagree with the claim that dogs would bark less though; they would just be able to see what they are barking at.
I agree with Gutii, that dog is just going to see stuff he didn't know was there and bark at it too. Fuck.
Nice zinger on Charlie Weis.. what a worthless fat ass.
I'm going to be in DC to watch the UVA v Duke game, and I could not be less excited about the game.
Hello Gutii and Spencer.. Now a good time to buy just before the bailout, or wait till after the election, or what?? Advise me - make me rich bitch.
Can you please edit your blog to include the UVA-Dook matchup in The Ugly Game of the Week section?
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