Saved by zero. Saaaved by zero. Saaaved by zeeero. Toyota is doing some pretty effective marketing getting that song into my head when promoting their zero percent financing. And by effective I mean painstakingly annoying with the result of me wanting to throw a chair through my TV every time I hear it. The way the dude sings it makes it sound like the most important announcement made in the last 20 years, yet it couldn’t be more pointless. It didn’t help that they played that ad seemingly every commercial break during Saturday’s slate of college football. Give me peace. Give me savior. Not saaavvveed byyyyy zeroooooo.
The amount of over coverage and shameless self promotion reached a new low on Monday Night Countdown this week. By my count, there were nine people breaking down the action before the Colts-Titans game. Nine! Chris Berman, Tom Jackson, Keyshawn Johnson, Mike Ditka and Chris Carter were in the studio. Then they panned to a different part of the studio to get Trent Dilfer’s opinion. Then they went to Stuart Scott, Emmitt Smith and Steve Young who were at the game to get their opinions. Plus I’m sure they cut to Mort at some point for an injury update, that was probably wrong. Mort is always wrong. Jay Glazer at Fox routinely kicks Mort’s ass in delivering breaking news. This is on top of the overcrowded game call booth of Mike Tirico, Jaws and Tony Kornheiser. Don’t forget the two sideline reporters ESPN has for the game (one for each team of course), Suzy Kolber and Michelle Tafoya. And last but not least let’s remember that PTI broadcasts live from the site of MNF on Mondays, so Mike Wilbon was there too. I don’t even know what to say. I wonder how much time, effort and money ESPN wastes on this one program. Astounding.
Hey Glubiak, you having trouble remembering the URL of this blog? It’s not that hard. You see, my handy Site Meter tells me where people see my site from and what they search for. A couple times over the past three weeks there have been searches for “oceanliner, oelschlager” from South Royalton, Vermont. Vermont Law School happens to be in South Royalton, Vermont. Gee, I wonder who that could be. I'm keepin my eye on all of you.
With my 49ers falling into oblivion again, its time to look back at the 2005 NFL Draft to see where it all went wrong, when the 9ers wasted the number 1 overall pick on Tiny Hands Alex Smith. But then when you look back on it, you realize it was just a horrendous first round worth of talent. The 49ers just got bad luck in drawing the top pick in an off year. That’s no excuse though, they still chose horribly. But seriously, look at the top 10 picks from ’05:
Tiny Hands
Ronnie Brown
Braylon Edwards
Cedric “The Drunk Boater” Benson
Cadillac “Buick” Williams
Pacman Jones
Troy Williamson
Antrel Rolle
Carlos Rogers
Mike Williams
Woof. That’s like drawing first dibs on digging through trash. Before that years draft I was pissed that Matt Leinart returned for his senior year at USC instead of declaring for the draft and going number 1 to the 49ers. Now that he sucks too, the cold shoulder doesn’t sting as much.
So I took my car in for a safety inspection and oil change earlier this week. Afterwards, I pulled onto the highway and got up to cruising speed, when suddenly my car hit a pothole and the hood bounced up and down a little bit right in front of me. The dude at the shop had forgotten to latch my hood, and here I am hauling ass at 70 mph about to pull a Tommy Boy. This is not good. Fortunately there was an exit very close by and I pulled off and latched the hood. But good God. Safety inspection. Pffft, more like anti-safety inspection.
Zing!
Well, that’s it for this week folks. Saaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvveeeeeeeddddd byyyyyyyy zeeeeeeeeeee-rooooooooooooooo!
October 29, 2008
October 20, 2008
Who Am I?
When did Butch Davis get replaced by a 13 year old girl as the head football coach of the North Carolina Tar Heels? I’m still trying to figure this one out after watching the pansiest set of play calls ever assembled on one football field. Maybe Davis went temporarily insane. Maybe Charlottesville makes every Carolina football team that visits forget how to tie their own shoes, evidenced by the Hoos 14 straight wins over the Tar Heels in God’s Garden. Or maybe Butch Davis really is more timid than said 13 year old girl on her first date. Whatever it was, it let the Hoos back into the game and led to one of the most exciting finishes in UVA football history. And to aid with the analysis, I’d like to play a little game.
Hi. I ordered four punts inside UVA territory. Who am I?
A) Clay Aiken
B) A 13 year old girl
C) Raggedy Ann the doll
D) Butch Davis
This was astounding. 4 early Christmas presents from good ole Butch. The last two were especially egregious. Both punts were in the third quarter, and on back to back possessions no less! The first was a 4th and 3 from the UVA 39, and seemingly 5 minutes later they booted the ball away again on 4th and 2 from the UVA 41 yard line. This is especially unbelievable considering Carolina had a running back in Shaun Draughn who would finish the day with 138 rushing yards on 4.6 yards per carry. Give him the ball! They could have iced the game on either of these possessions. Instead Davis showed absolute zero confidence in his offense and let the Cardiac Cavs linger around. Didn’t Davis see what UVA could do last year if you gave us a chance? As the punts sailed through the air, the Oceanliner laughed and said a silent prayer thanking Davis for cramping up so bad.
Moving on to door number two!
Hello. My defense allowed 168 yards and 3 points in the first 57 minutes of a football game by rushing 4 or 5 players on every snap and playing tight coverage in the secondary. Then for my opponents last drive I switched to a prevent, rushing only 3 and dropping my defensive backs into ridiculously loose and lenient coverage. They went 82 yards in 1 minute and 35 seconds and scored the game tying touchdown. Who am I?
A) Snow White
B) Yates Knowlton
C) In the Babysitters Club
D) Butch Davis
This drive was comical. Davis managed to make Matt Verica look like Joe Montana running the two-minute drill. The only thing Davis’ prevent accomplished was preventing Carolina from winning the game. On the last drive, Verica completed 7 consecutive passes. He had consecutive completions of 26, 7, 6, 16, 17, and 9 yards to get the Hoos to the Carolina two yard line. He then actually threw an incompletion, but only because you can’t run a prevent from the two yard line. I’m actually surprised Davis didn’t figure out a way to do it. This drive was hilarious because we actually left Carolina with too much time on the clock. Or so I thought…
Greetings. Coming into a football game last Saturday, my offense had averaged over 30 points per game. The game was tied and my team got the ball back with 47 seconds left at the 20 yard line. I “coach” college football, where the clock stops for a while after every first down. But instead of trying to score, I took a knee like a huge biotch and decided to go to overtime, when the momentum was clearly not on our side. Who am I?
A) A PETA activist
B) The Little Mermaid
C) That baby in the E*Trade commercial
D) Butch Davis
At this point I knew the game was ours. Davis had given up on the game and his players. The resulting overtime was awesome. I had about 10 people over at my house to watch the game and we were all going crazy. Good stuff. The win had more to do with the Cavs resilience than horrifically conservative play calling by Davis, but it didn’t help. Thanks Butchy Boy, I owe you one.
Somehow, the Hoos are now sitting in a tie for first (in the loss column) in the ACC, with monumental games coming up in the next five weeks. I for one, can’t wait, as Virginia football still means something heading into November, something I didn’t see happening when we were 1-3. Wahoowah, bitches.
I bought a single Gatorade from CVS last week and the receipt they gave me needed its own folder it was so big. I got home and measured it and the freakin thing was 35 inches long. Who the shit wants a 3 foot long receipt from a convenience store?
Insert self deprecating joke about me measuring a receipt I got.
I’m actually impressed with the Lions for their deal that sent Roy Williams to the Cowboys. Thank God they fired Matt Millen, because he never would have done something this shrewd. Williams was going to be a free agent at the end of the season, and there’s no way the Lions were going to re-sign him. So they went out and made a pretty good deal and netted some nice draft picks in return. They got a first, third, and sixth round pick for Williams and a seventh round pick. That’s a helluva haul for a really good but not awesome receiver that you were going to lose anyway. And it’s not like they were playing for anything this season.
So the silly Canadians had an election last week and elected this joker.
This dude’s hair is out of control. It looks like something they would glue on Darrell Hammond’s head before he did an SNL impression. Scary.
Washington State lost to USC 69-0 on Saturday. They have now been outscored 289-33 in their five PAC-10 losses. Woof. Count that as the most emphatic Oceanliner woof to date.
In my car over the weekend, I saw an old Asian woman walking down the street while twirling in circles. It didn’t appear she was dancing. Her arms were straight down at her sides and she was very rigid. But as she walked, she kept turning around in circles as she made her way forward. It’s a bizzaro world sometimes.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. I am having a Halloween party at my house this Saturday, so come on by if you can make it. It’s a week early, but its time to get in the mood. Show up without a costume though, and we have a box of sorority girl costumes that we will dress you up in. Seriously. Anyhoo, stay safe out there. Keep it real. And Butch Davis wears panty hose.
Hi. I ordered four punts inside UVA territory. Who am I?
A) Clay Aiken
B) A 13 year old girl
C) Raggedy Ann the doll
D) Butch Davis
This was astounding. 4 early Christmas presents from good ole Butch. The last two were especially egregious. Both punts were in the third quarter, and on back to back possessions no less! The first was a 4th and 3 from the UVA 39, and seemingly 5 minutes later they booted the ball away again on 4th and 2 from the UVA 41 yard line. This is especially unbelievable considering Carolina had a running back in Shaun Draughn who would finish the day with 138 rushing yards on 4.6 yards per carry. Give him the ball! They could have iced the game on either of these possessions. Instead Davis showed absolute zero confidence in his offense and let the Cardiac Cavs linger around. Didn’t Davis see what UVA could do last year if you gave us a chance? As the punts sailed through the air, the Oceanliner laughed and said a silent prayer thanking Davis for cramping up so bad.
Moving on to door number two!
Hello. My defense allowed 168 yards and 3 points in the first 57 minutes of a football game by rushing 4 or 5 players on every snap and playing tight coverage in the secondary. Then for my opponents last drive I switched to a prevent, rushing only 3 and dropping my defensive backs into ridiculously loose and lenient coverage. They went 82 yards in 1 minute and 35 seconds and scored the game tying touchdown. Who am I?
A) Snow White
B) Yates Knowlton
C) In the Babysitters Club
D) Butch Davis
This drive was comical. Davis managed to make Matt Verica look like Joe Montana running the two-minute drill. The only thing Davis’ prevent accomplished was preventing Carolina from winning the game. On the last drive, Verica completed 7 consecutive passes. He had consecutive completions of 26, 7, 6, 16, 17, and 9 yards to get the Hoos to the Carolina two yard line. He then actually threw an incompletion, but only because you can’t run a prevent from the two yard line. I’m actually surprised Davis didn’t figure out a way to do it. This drive was hilarious because we actually left Carolina with too much time on the clock. Or so I thought…
Greetings. Coming into a football game last Saturday, my offense had averaged over 30 points per game. The game was tied and my team got the ball back with 47 seconds left at the 20 yard line. I “coach” college football, where the clock stops for a while after every first down. But instead of trying to score, I took a knee like a huge biotch and decided to go to overtime, when the momentum was clearly not on our side. Who am I?
A) A PETA activist
B) The Little Mermaid
C) That baby in the E*Trade commercial
D) Butch Davis
At this point I knew the game was ours. Davis had given up on the game and his players. The resulting overtime was awesome. I had about 10 people over at my house to watch the game and we were all going crazy. Good stuff. The win had more to do with the Cavs resilience than horrifically conservative play calling by Davis, but it didn’t help. Thanks Butchy Boy, I owe you one.
Somehow, the Hoos are now sitting in a tie for first (in the loss column) in the ACC, with monumental games coming up in the next five weeks. I for one, can’t wait, as Virginia football still means something heading into November, something I didn’t see happening when we were 1-3. Wahoowah, bitches.
I bought a single Gatorade from CVS last week and the receipt they gave me needed its own folder it was so big. I got home and measured it and the freakin thing was 35 inches long. Who the shit wants a 3 foot long receipt from a convenience store?
Insert self deprecating joke about me measuring a receipt I got.
I’m actually impressed with the Lions for their deal that sent Roy Williams to the Cowboys. Thank God they fired Matt Millen, because he never would have done something this shrewd. Williams was going to be a free agent at the end of the season, and there’s no way the Lions were going to re-sign him. So they went out and made a pretty good deal and netted some nice draft picks in return. They got a first, third, and sixth round pick for Williams and a seventh round pick. That’s a helluva haul for a really good but not awesome receiver that you were going to lose anyway. And it’s not like they were playing for anything this season.
So the silly Canadians had an election last week and elected this joker.
This dude’s hair is out of control. It looks like something they would glue on Darrell Hammond’s head before he did an SNL impression. Scary.Washington State lost to USC 69-0 on Saturday. They have now been outscored 289-33 in their five PAC-10 losses. Woof. Count that as the most emphatic Oceanliner woof to date.
In my car over the weekend, I saw an old Asian woman walking down the street while twirling in circles. It didn’t appear she was dancing. Her arms were straight down at her sides and she was very rigid. But as she walked, she kept turning around in circles as she made her way forward. It’s a bizzaro world sometimes.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. I am having a Halloween party at my house this Saturday, so come on by if you can make it. It’s a week early, but its time to get in the mood. Show up without a costume though, and we have a box of sorority girl costumes that we will dress you up in. Seriously. Anyhoo, stay safe out there. Keep it real. And Butch Davis wears panty hose.
October 10, 2008
Extra, extra, read all about it!
So about a month ago I was sitting around, pondering how many people actually read this here train wreck of a blog. Surely there had to be an online service that told you how many people came to your site. Indeed there was. Helpful Oceanliner reader and friend Andrew “Eroder” Eschenroeder knew of such a site and forwarded me the proper info. So since the beginning of September I have been able to track not only how many visits my blog gets, but other interesting and sometimes hilarious details about my visitors.
One thing that is pretty cool is that it tells you the physical location of the person who clicked on my blog; by city, state and country. I have had people read my blog (well maybe not read, if someone is on the site for only a couple of seconds it counts as a hit) from all over the US of A, and also from a number of foreign countries as well. People from Finland, Germany, Australia, England, South Africa, the Bahamas, Sweden, Canadia, and South Korea have checked out the Oceanliner. Herro.
The best and most hilarious part though about this website tracker service, is that if someone used a Google search and clicked one of the results to reach the Oceanliner, it tells me what that person searched for to get there. And some one them, my friends are absodudtely priceless. So without further ado, I give you the Most Hilarious Google Searches That Somehow Directed People to the Oceanliner.
where can you hear music on a ocean liner
I didn’t know this was such a big concern when on a cruise ship.
Famous oceanliner that starts with an s
Apparently this is bothering someone somewhere
Ryan pettinella
ryan pettinella Italian
ryan pettinella Italy
These were three different searches, and I’m proud that the Oceanliner came up as a result. I bet I’ve wrote more about Pett than anyone. Ever.
One curious tidbit is that all three searches came from New York. Pett is from New York. You readin’ the Oceanliner Pett?
darren sharper best ball hawking db
amare stoudemire is a freak
josh beckett and dustin pedroia hemp necklace
These were the great sports related searches. There were also some great ones that I forgot to write down that were along the lines of “red sox annoying fans” and “red sox douche hemp necklaces”. I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks they look like a bunch of hippie wannabe losers.
doggers shoes cvs crocs which one is better
Asking which one of these is better is choosing the one that sucks the least. And I’m glad this person got how I really felt.
tea bag someone
dude getting tea bagged
Alarmingly, there have been five or six searches for each of these. The nation’s passed out people need to beware, there are some sickos out there. And alarmingly for me, when you Google search “dude getting tea bagged”, my blog is the 5th result.
"i'm on first and first. how can the same street intersect with itself? i must be at the nexus of the universe!"
Man I would have to take a nap in the middle of writing that search its so long. Why someone would need to type the entire quote into a Google search is beyond me. The fact that they got forwarded to a comment some guy named “Gutie” made on a joker blog called “the Oceanliner” is great. Something tells me this isn’t the page he was looking for.
what is the name of the tall musician in the freecreditreport.com commercials?
One, “musician” is a generous term. Two, did this commercial really land some girl hook, line and sinker? Enough to Google search him? F-r-e-e that spells free…
teradactyl
While I would like to think this person was looking for awesome Josh Smith analysis and searched for the nickname I gave him, unfortunately I have to believe they were looking for the dinosaur.
aj feeley sayings
I’ll be honest here. I’ve seen a bunch of John Wooden and Vince Lombardi quotes in my day. I’ve read tons of Chuck Norris Jokes, and I recognize Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy when I see them. But I have never, ever, come across a trancendant AJ Feely saying, the 8-year career backup NFL journeyman from Oregon. Maybe I need to be more cultured.
3rd Place: Oceanliner Search Department
is brady quinn a douche bag
This one just cracks me up every time I think about it. I imagine some guy sitting around his house, restlessly pacing up and down the hallway with a huge predicament on his mind…is Brady Quinn a douche bag? As a matter of last resort he sprints down the hallway and frantically types in this search, desperate for answers that will alleviate his thirst for this piece of knowledge. And then reads my comparison of Brady Quinn to Johnny Utah…
2nd Place: Oceanliner Search Department
Plaxico burress crystal meth
There’s really nothing to say here. Someone actually searched for this, and somehow ended up on this site. Indeed, if you type in those words, the third result is the Oceanliner. Oh well, this is the company I keep.
1st Place: Oceanliner Search Department
There really wasn’t any competition for first place. The number one search was so funny that it almost blew my mind. The place the search originated from makes this search of epic proportions. So I give you, from Seoul, South Korea, the number one most hilarious Oceanliner search:
Ribrary
*Pause* I kid you not. Someone from South Korea searched the Internet for “ribrary”. Again, not much more to say here, only lots of laughter. And if you do the search yourself, you can see the top two results on the entire Internet for ribrary are my humble brog. As I’ve said many times before, you can’t make this shit up.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. Oh wait, one more thing. It turns out you are reading the writing of a famous person. Yours truly has gotten a comment published in the most recent issue of Sports Illustrated, the one with Manny Ramirez on the cover. You’ll just have to check it out for yourself. So until next time, stay safe, keep it real and flick those wasps.
One thing that is pretty cool is that it tells you the physical location of the person who clicked on my blog; by city, state and country. I have had people read my blog (well maybe not read, if someone is on the site for only a couple of seconds it counts as a hit) from all over the US of A, and also from a number of foreign countries as well. People from Finland, Germany, Australia, England, South Africa, the Bahamas, Sweden, Canadia, and South Korea have checked out the Oceanliner. Herro.
The best and most hilarious part though about this website tracker service, is that if someone used a Google search and clicked one of the results to reach the Oceanliner, it tells me what that person searched for to get there. And some one them, my friends are absodudtely priceless. So without further ado, I give you the Most Hilarious Google Searches That Somehow Directed People to the Oceanliner.
where can you hear music on a ocean liner
I didn’t know this was such a big concern when on a cruise ship.
Famous oceanliner that starts with an s
Apparently this is bothering someone somewhere
Ryan pettinella
ryan pettinella Italian
ryan pettinella Italy
These were three different searches, and I’m proud that the Oceanliner came up as a result. I bet I’ve wrote more about Pett than anyone. Ever.
One curious tidbit is that all three searches came from New York. Pett is from New York. You readin’ the Oceanliner Pett?
darren sharper best ball hawking db
amare stoudemire is a freak
josh beckett and dustin pedroia hemp necklace
These were the great sports related searches. There were also some great ones that I forgot to write down that were along the lines of “red sox annoying fans” and “red sox douche hemp necklaces”. I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks they look like a bunch of hippie wannabe losers.
doggers shoes cvs crocs which one is better
Asking which one of these is better is choosing the one that sucks the least. And I’m glad this person got how I really felt.
tea bag someone
dude getting tea bagged
Alarmingly, there have been five or six searches for each of these. The nation’s passed out people need to beware, there are some sickos out there. And alarmingly for me, when you Google search “dude getting tea bagged”, my blog is the 5th result.
"i'm on first and first. how can the same street intersect with itself? i must be at the nexus of the universe!"
Man I would have to take a nap in the middle of writing that search its so long. Why someone would need to type the entire quote into a Google search is beyond me. The fact that they got forwarded to a comment some guy named “Gutie” made on a joker blog called “the Oceanliner” is great. Something tells me this isn’t the page he was looking for.
what is the name of the tall musician in the freecreditreport.com commercials?
One, “musician” is a generous term. Two, did this commercial really land some girl hook, line and sinker? Enough to Google search him? F-r-e-e that spells free…
teradactyl
While I would like to think this person was looking for awesome Josh Smith analysis and searched for the nickname I gave him, unfortunately I have to believe they were looking for the dinosaur.
aj feeley sayings
I’ll be honest here. I’ve seen a bunch of John Wooden and Vince Lombardi quotes in my day. I’ve read tons of Chuck Norris Jokes, and I recognize Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy when I see them. But I have never, ever, come across a trancendant AJ Feely saying, the 8-year career backup NFL journeyman from Oregon. Maybe I need to be more cultured.
3rd Place: Oceanliner Search Department
is brady quinn a douche bag
This one just cracks me up every time I think about it. I imagine some guy sitting around his house, restlessly pacing up and down the hallway with a huge predicament on his mind…is Brady Quinn a douche bag? As a matter of last resort he sprints down the hallway and frantically types in this search, desperate for answers that will alleviate his thirst for this piece of knowledge. And then reads my comparison of Brady Quinn to Johnny Utah…
2nd Place: Oceanliner Search Department
Plaxico burress crystal meth
There’s really nothing to say here. Someone actually searched for this, and somehow ended up on this site. Indeed, if you type in those words, the third result is the Oceanliner. Oh well, this is the company I keep.
1st Place: Oceanliner Search Department
There really wasn’t any competition for first place. The number one search was so funny that it almost blew my mind. The place the search originated from makes this search of epic proportions. So I give you, from Seoul, South Korea, the number one most hilarious Oceanliner search:
Ribrary
*Pause* I kid you not. Someone from South Korea searched the Internet for “ribrary”. Again, not much more to say here, only lots of laughter. And if you do the search yourself, you can see the top two results on the entire Internet for ribrary are my humble brog. As I’ve said many times before, you can’t make this shit up.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. Oh wait, one more thing. It turns out you are reading the writing of a famous person. Yours truly has gotten a comment published in the most recent issue of Sports Illustrated, the one with Manny Ramirez on the cover. You’ll just have to check it out for yourself. So until next time, stay safe, keep it real and flick those wasps.
October 01, 2008
Sneed Me
Reality Check of the Week: I would be the worst Starbucks employee ever. I have enough trouble remembering people’s names right after I meet them, much less trying to get a hold of some blue tooth wearing guido whose ordering a triple shot venti skim with room but no whip americana plywood style frappacino. I don’t know how they do it, especially when its busy in the morning and there are 20 people in line and there are 5 people running around behind the counter. Seriously, I was at a presidential debate party on Friday night and met 20 new people, and have retained none of their names. More props to the Bucks employees, I wouldn’t last 10 minutes.
Scooby Doo Related Item of the Week: So I have a mystery that needs all loyal Oceanliner readers help to solve. I saw a vanity license plate that I could not decipher and its driving me nuts. It was a Virginia plate and read PR8PRD. What does this mean? (L-Dub, I don’t think it has a dirty connotation, but I’m sure it will in your mind)
Sign of the Week: After Alabama’s thorough beat down of Georgia, the ESPN cameras were panning the Crimson Tide crowd and some one was holding a sign that read “BAMA beats the dogs worse than Vick”. Buuuuurn.
Quote of the Week: SI.com writer Stewart Mandel, on Steve Spurrier underachieving at South Carolina: “Remember, by this point in Lou Holtz's tenure, he'd already led South Carolina to consecutive New Year's bowls, which is fairly remarkable considering that when you watch him on TV today, he barely sounds competent enough to tie his own shoes.” Hirarious. And true.
Turrible Quote of the Week: Packers wide receiver Donald Driver, on….something: “You know the saying about having a house full of people, and if you don't get in there and eat, the food will be gone? Well, we left some food on that table last year. We have to make sure that the next time, we clean the table, wash the dishes and put everything away.” *blank stare*
Call of the Week: On Tuesday night I watched most of the Twins-White Sox one game playoff, which was actually very riveting even though it turned out to be a 1-0 game. One of the best parts was enjoying how expertly Dick Stockton delivered the play-by-play. Right after the two biggest plays in the game (Thome’s home run and the diving catch for the final out), Stockton said nothing for a solid 20 seconds so we could enjoy the sight and sound of 40,000+ fans going absolutely bonkers. It was spot on for Stockton to realize that there are no words to add to such a great scene, so he said nothing at all. Too often announcers fight against the roar of the crowd instead of waiting for it to die down and enjoy the moment (Mike Tirico, who I normally like, is a frequent abuser). Kudos to Stockton, who made the game more enjoyable for me by doing less.
Head Scrathcer of the Week: While the one game playoff was awesome, I’m part of the camp that thinks it shouldn’t have been played at all. If two teams finish tied for a division lead with the same record, the team that won the head to head season series should go to the playoffs. Even including Tuesday’s game, the Twins beat the White Sox in the season series, yet they are the ones sitting at home. The Twins didn’t even get home field for the playoff! It was a coin flip instead. Doesn’t make sense in my book.
Low Arc of the Week: Check out this logo for some so called National Beer Pong League
This dude obviously sucks at beer pong. Notice the extremely low trajectory on his shot, it’s a freakin missile. Even Yates and his Alanis Morrissette “One Hand in My Pocket” shot would roll on this dude.
College Football Thoughts of the Week
I said it before with Ohio State, and I’ll say it again with regards to USC. It annoyed me so much when talking heads on TV started to break down the “inevitable” Oklahoma-USC national title game after the Trojans beat the Buckeyes. This is a direct quote from my August 29th post about OSU, but you can apply it to USC: “Saying that a team in a power conference will “probably” sweep their remaining 9 times is ludicrous.” In the Oregon State-USC recap, ESPN.com describes how the Beavers “shook up college football with a victory over the team that was expected to roll right through its conference straight to the national championship game.” It’s so ridiculous to talk about who will play in and win the national title game after 4 games. I bet we are going to start hearing breakdowns of the Oklahoma-Alabama national title game this week. It so stupid.
There’s not much to say about the UVA-Duke game. We got destroyed. It’s time for Groh to go. I want someone young. I want someone with energy. I want…Lane Kiffin. Seriously, let’s offer him a job right now. Carolina fired John Bunting in mid season two years ago so they could start talking to Butch Davis sooner. Let’s do the same thing with Kiffin. He’s young and energetic and actually got the Raiders to perform. He’s perfect. If we wait he’s going to slip away to some one else. Unite behind me, Hoo Wants Kiffin!
This might be the most embarrassed I’ve ever been. I hate when people use “Hoos” in a group or organizational name.
Moving on to Stats class, turnover margin has never been more important than it was in college football this past week. There were 53 contests, and in only 7 did the team with more turnovers win the game. Oregon State had 0 turnovers to USC’s 2 in their tight win. Florida had 3 turnovers to Ole Miss’ 1 in their loss at the swamp. And in the most hilarious example, Hawaii had 6 turnovers to San Jose State’s 0. Final score: Hawaii lost by 3. Imagine if the had “only” had 3-4 turnovers.
Michigan State running back Javon Ringer is averaging 37 carries per game after his 44 carry, 198 yard day against Indiana. He’s in this column every week.
Indiana’s Marcus Thigpen must be related to Ontario Sneed after his day against the Spartans. He had 9 carries for 113 yards and 2 touchdowns and added 2 catches for 94 yards and a score. So not only can he do it all, but he has a sweet name too. Consider Sneed and Thigpen the initial members of my 2008 college football all name team, to be added to weekly.
Speaking of Mr. Sneed, Ontario plowed away for a solid 16 carries, 77 yards and 2 TD’s in Central Michigan’s 2 point win over Buffalo. Sneed me.
Syracuse has a wide receiver named Van Chew. Seriously, Van Chew. He only had 1 catch Saturday against Pittsburgh, but it went for a 36 yard touchdown. Van Chew, no joke.
In that same game, Pitt held the ball for 38 out of the 60 minutes. That’s ball control if I’ve ever seen it, but I guess that’s what happens when you have 241 rushing yards.
Why doesn’t Florida give carries to its running backs??? Emanuel Moody and Chris Rainey, who are good, got a combined 6 carries in their loss to Ole Miss. Direct Oceanliner quote from September 11: “Florida is going to have trouble winning the SEC without a running game.”
Carolina had 33 carries for 35 yards, but still beat Miami. Barely. I can’t think of a pass closer to being caught that turned into a pick.
Miami had 11 different people catch passes against Carolina.
Conversely, Boston College had 27 passing yards against Rhode Island, but won 42-0.
Army apparently tried the BC strategy against Texas A&M (4 total passing yards, 4!), but unfortunately came up short in a 21-17 loss.
VMI completed only 3 passes against Ohio, but 2 of them went for touchdowns
Weird game, that Wisconsin-Michigan contest. Wisconsin led 19-0 at the half, then forgot how to play football. They allowed 27 straight unanswered Wolverine points before finally scoring with 13 seconds left, but couldn’t convert the deuce.
Houston had 2 receivers go over 100 yards against sinking ECU. Funny thing is, it took Patrick Edwards 11 catches to do it, but Kierrie Johnson only 4.
West Virginia played Marshall on Saturday, which must be a headache for state officials, because no matter what the outcome of the game is, couches are going to be burning somewhere across the state after that game.
Louisiana-Lafayette rushed for 335 yards and didn’t turn the ball over, yet still lost to Kansas State.
Riley Skinner and Matt Verica apparently had a “Whose the Worst QB in the ACC” challenge over the weekend. Verica had 4 interceptions and a fumble, while Skinner added 4 picks of his own. Both teams lost. I’ll call it a draw.
Not only did Skinner have 4 picks threw the air, Wake only managed 43 yards rushing on 31 carries for the game. Those two combined will not get a win, that’s for sure.
Here’s another weird game, with many levels of intrigue. Rice put up a 77 spot on North Texas, yet didn’t score in the 4th quarter. Imagine if they had played hard the whole game. The other weird thing is that at one point the score was 28-20, and then Rice scored 49 unanswered points. North Texas forgot how to play football worse than Wisconsin.
Rice quarterback Chase Clement was a Chase Daniel-esque (is it in the name?) 22-28 for 298 yards and 5 touchdowns.
North Texas has allowed 219 points in 4 games. (They are 0-4)
Against Colorado State, Cal scored touchdowns on a blocked punt, a pick 6, and a punt return. How versatile.
Oklahoma receiver Manuel Johnson had 5 catches for 206 yards and three scores against TCU. I think the Horned Frogs will be working on their secondary this week.
Tulsa had an incredibly balanced offensive game against Central Arkansas. They scored 62 points and broken down by quarter it was 14, 14, 17 and 17.
NC State quarterback Harrison Beck completed 9 passes against South Florida for 239 yards. But because he also had 23 incompletions, he only averaged 7.5 yards an attempt. Weird.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. Austin and I are heading to God’s Garden for the Maryland game on Saturday, and even though we are terrible, I’m still looking forward to it. A 7pm game means a full day of tailgating, and not much can beat that. Give me a shout or stop by Alumni Hall if you are going to be in town. Until next time, stay safe, keep it real and go to the launch pad.
Scooby Doo Related Item of the Week: So I have a mystery that needs all loyal Oceanliner readers help to solve. I saw a vanity license plate that I could not decipher and its driving me nuts. It was a Virginia plate and read PR8PRD. What does this mean? (L-Dub, I don’t think it has a dirty connotation, but I’m sure it will in your mind)
Sign of the Week: After Alabama’s thorough beat down of Georgia, the ESPN cameras were panning the Crimson Tide crowd and some one was holding a sign that read “BAMA beats the dogs worse than Vick”. Buuuuurn.
Quote of the Week: SI.com writer Stewart Mandel, on Steve Spurrier underachieving at South Carolina: “Remember, by this point in Lou Holtz's tenure, he'd already led South Carolina to consecutive New Year's bowls, which is fairly remarkable considering that when you watch him on TV today, he barely sounds competent enough to tie his own shoes.” Hirarious. And true.
Turrible Quote of the Week: Packers wide receiver Donald Driver, on….something: “You know the saying about having a house full of people, and if you don't get in there and eat, the food will be gone? Well, we left some food on that table last year. We have to make sure that the next time, we clean the table, wash the dishes and put everything away.” *blank stare*
Call of the Week: On Tuesday night I watched most of the Twins-White Sox one game playoff, which was actually very riveting even though it turned out to be a 1-0 game. One of the best parts was enjoying how expertly Dick Stockton delivered the play-by-play. Right after the two biggest plays in the game (Thome’s home run and the diving catch for the final out), Stockton said nothing for a solid 20 seconds so we could enjoy the sight and sound of 40,000+ fans going absolutely bonkers. It was spot on for Stockton to realize that there are no words to add to such a great scene, so he said nothing at all. Too often announcers fight against the roar of the crowd instead of waiting for it to die down and enjoy the moment (Mike Tirico, who I normally like, is a frequent abuser). Kudos to Stockton, who made the game more enjoyable for me by doing less.
Head Scrathcer of the Week: While the one game playoff was awesome, I’m part of the camp that thinks it shouldn’t have been played at all. If two teams finish tied for a division lead with the same record, the team that won the head to head season series should go to the playoffs. Even including Tuesday’s game, the Twins beat the White Sox in the season series, yet they are the ones sitting at home. The Twins didn’t even get home field for the playoff! It was a coin flip instead. Doesn’t make sense in my book.
Low Arc of the Week: Check out this logo for some so called National Beer Pong League
This dude obviously sucks at beer pong. Notice the extremely low trajectory on his shot, it’s a freakin missile. Even Yates and his Alanis Morrissette “One Hand in My Pocket” shot would roll on this dude.College Football Thoughts of the Week
I said it before with Ohio State, and I’ll say it again with regards to USC. It annoyed me so much when talking heads on TV started to break down the “inevitable” Oklahoma-USC national title game after the Trojans beat the Buckeyes. This is a direct quote from my August 29th post about OSU, but you can apply it to USC: “Saying that a team in a power conference will “probably” sweep their remaining 9 times is ludicrous.” In the Oregon State-USC recap, ESPN.com describes how the Beavers “shook up college football with a victory over the team that was expected to roll right through its conference straight to the national championship game.” It’s so ridiculous to talk about who will play in and win the national title game after 4 games. I bet we are going to start hearing breakdowns of the Oklahoma-Alabama national title game this week. It so stupid.
There’s not much to say about the UVA-Duke game. We got destroyed. It’s time for Groh to go. I want someone young. I want someone with energy. I want…Lane Kiffin. Seriously, let’s offer him a job right now. Carolina fired John Bunting in mid season two years ago so they could start talking to Butch Davis sooner. Let’s do the same thing with Kiffin. He’s young and energetic and actually got the Raiders to perform. He’s perfect. If we wait he’s going to slip away to some one else. Unite behind me, Hoo Wants Kiffin!
This might be the most embarrassed I’ve ever been. I hate when people use “Hoos” in a group or organizational name.
Moving on to Stats class, turnover margin has never been more important than it was in college football this past week. There were 53 contests, and in only 7 did the team with more turnovers win the game. Oregon State had 0 turnovers to USC’s 2 in their tight win. Florida had 3 turnovers to Ole Miss’ 1 in their loss at the swamp. And in the most hilarious example, Hawaii had 6 turnovers to San Jose State’s 0. Final score: Hawaii lost by 3. Imagine if the had “only” had 3-4 turnovers.
Michigan State running back Javon Ringer is averaging 37 carries per game after his 44 carry, 198 yard day against Indiana. He’s in this column every week.
Indiana’s Marcus Thigpen must be related to Ontario Sneed after his day against the Spartans. He had 9 carries for 113 yards and 2 touchdowns and added 2 catches for 94 yards and a score. So not only can he do it all, but he has a sweet name too. Consider Sneed and Thigpen the initial members of my 2008 college football all name team, to be added to weekly.
Speaking of Mr. Sneed, Ontario plowed away for a solid 16 carries, 77 yards and 2 TD’s in Central Michigan’s 2 point win over Buffalo. Sneed me.
Syracuse has a wide receiver named Van Chew. Seriously, Van Chew. He only had 1 catch Saturday against Pittsburgh, but it went for a 36 yard touchdown. Van Chew, no joke.
In that same game, Pitt held the ball for 38 out of the 60 minutes. That’s ball control if I’ve ever seen it, but I guess that’s what happens when you have 241 rushing yards.
Why doesn’t Florida give carries to its running backs??? Emanuel Moody and Chris Rainey, who are good, got a combined 6 carries in their loss to Ole Miss. Direct Oceanliner quote from September 11: “Florida is going to have trouble winning the SEC without a running game.”
Carolina had 33 carries for 35 yards, but still beat Miami. Barely. I can’t think of a pass closer to being caught that turned into a pick.
Miami had 11 different people catch passes against Carolina.
Conversely, Boston College had 27 passing yards against Rhode Island, but won 42-0.
Army apparently tried the BC strategy against Texas A&M (4 total passing yards, 4!), but unfortunately came up short in a 21-17 loss.
VMI completed only 3 passes against Ohio, but 2 of them went for touchdowns
Weird game, that Wisconsin-Michigan contest. Wisconsin led 19-0 at the half, then forgot how to play football. They allowed 27 straight unanswered Wolverine points before finally scoring with 13 seconds left, but couldn’t convert the deuce.
Houston had 2 receivers go over 100 yards against sinking ECU. Funny thing is, it took Patrick Edwards 11 catches to do it, but Kierrie Johnson only 4.
West Virginia played Marshall on Saturday, which must be a headache for state officials, because no matter what the outcome of the game is, couches are going to be burning somewhere across the state after that game.
Louisiana-Lafayette rushed for 335 yards and didn’t turn the ball over, yet still lost to Kansas State.
Riley Skinner and Matt Verica apparently had a “Whose the Worst QB in the ACC” challenge over the weekend. Verica had 4 interceptions and a fumble, while Skinner added 4 picks of his own. Both teams lost. I’ll call it a draw.
Not only did Skinner have 4 picks threw the air, Wake only managed 43 yards rushing on 31 carries for the game. Those two combined will not get a win, that’s for sure.
Here’s another weird game, with many levels of intrigue. Rice put up a 77 spot on North Texas, yet didn’t score in the 4th quarter. Imagine if they had played hard the whole game. The other weird thing is that at one point the score was 28-20, and then Rice scored 49 unanswered points. North Texas forgot how to play football worse than Wisconsin.
Rice quarterback Chase Clement was a Chase Daniel-esque (is it in the name?) 22-28 for 298 yards and 5 touchdowns.
North Texas has allowed 219 points in 4 games. (They are 0-4)
Against Colorado State, Cal scored touchdowns on a blocked punt, a pick 6, and a punt return. How versatile.
Oklahoma receiver Manuel Johnson had 5 catches for 206 yards and three scores against TCU. I think the Horned Frogs will be working on their secondary this week.
Tulsa had an incredibly balanced offensive game against Central Arkansas. They scored 62 points and broken down by quarter it was 14, 14, 17 and 17.
NC State quarterback Harrison Beck completed 9 passes against South Florida for 239 yards. But because he also had 23 incompletions, he only averaged 7.5 yards an attempt. Weird.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. Austin and I are heading to God’s Garden for the Maryland game on Saturday, and even though we are terrible, I’m still looking forward to it. A 7pm game means a full day of tailgating, and not much can beat that. Give me a shout or stop by Alumni Hall if you are going to be in town. Until next time, stay safe, keep it real and go to the launch pad.
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