Sidetrack Number 1: I am no fan of Chris Berman at this senile and Madden-like point in his career. His nicknames have gotten out of hand, but he gave one during the MNF pre-game show that made me chuckle by calling the Cardinals stadium The Big Toaster, due to the awkward opening in the top ala Texas Stadium. Tears of nostalgia came to me eyes thinking about when Berman actually bestowed good nicknames like Andre “Bad Moon” Rison and Curtis “My Favorite Martin”.
Sidetrack to a Sidetrack Number 1: Speaking of tears, I had to put this in here.
I take absolutely no credit for this one. Glubiak sent me this one, and a Cheshire cat grin spread across my face. Even though the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets are winning games, Favre is still throwing the most horrific of interceptions, the ones where you can’t even see an offensive player in the screen. Bit I digress…
The 49ers are 2-6, have lost 5 games in a row and are starting the great Shaun Hill at quarterback. Yet I still sit here in my custom Oelschlager 49ers heresy pumped as hell about watching San Fran on national television. It doesn’t matter how bad they are or how many times Singletary drops his pants, its just exciting.
Sidetrack Number 2: So it turns out the legendary Shaun Hill is number 13. My custom 49ers Oelschlager threads are also graced with that luckiest of numbers. So I am inadvertently wearing a Shaun Hill jersey. Ye gods.
The ESPN idiots ran their usual 47 person pre-game show again, and useless banter was the norm as usual. One particular head slapper stood out on this night. Berman was talking about the Jets resurgence, and asked Trent Dilfer to explain how much of a difference new nose tackle Kris Jenkins had made on the Jets D-line. Dilfer replies,
“Boom, Jenkins has been indescribably good. He’s been a monster in the front, completely dominating the other team’s O-line…”
I stopped listening after that first sentence and a half. I was trying to wrap my head around what I had just heard. Trent, buddy, first you tell me that Jenkins has been “indescribably” good. Then, pal, you go on and try to, wait for it, describe how good Jenkins has played. I all for hyperbole, but this was ridiculous.
Sidetrack Number 3: I don’t know how I stumbled across this one, but there is a blog out there solely dedicated to covering terrible announcers. May I present the official Oceanliner endorsement to Awful Announcing at awfulannouncing.blogspot.com. It is a riot. And this isn’t one of those political if-you-do-me-I’ll-do-you endorsements. I have no idea who these guys are, but they are hilarious.
Back to the 103 person pre-game show on ESPN. (Their pre-game show is like Pig Gig. Every week/year it jumps by 34). They have expanded the pre-game pickem to a preposterous eight people. Stu Scott, Steve Young, Emmit Smith, Boomer, Chris Carter, Tom Jackson, Keyshawn and Ditka all imparted their sublime knowledge on the American people. And they all picked ‘Zone. John McCain is from Arizona and he lost. Idiots.
Sidetrack Number 4: This has nothing to do with anything, but how has Sean May gotten so fat?
I was doing some fantasy basketball research and clicked on May’s profile, and his picture made me jump back from my computer. Dude has more chins than a Chinese phonebook. Good god man, stop hanging out with Lendale White.
Sidetrack Number 5: Well, these aren’t really sidetracks anymore, more like my customary random thoughts. I was driving on the Beltway one morning last week and saw a woman who was talking on her cell phone and smoking a cigarette while somehow staying on the road. I wonder a lot how there are not more accidents on the road.
Sidetrack Number 6: Is the Sports Guy stealing from the Oceanliner???? Check out this column by Bill Simmons, posted on November 7th, 9 days after I decried the Toyota Saved by Zero commercials. You’re going to want to the passage after number 17 on the Saints. Look how eerily similar it is to my last post.
Here is Simmons’ column. Conspiracy?
Well, that’s it for this week folks. Take care.
5 comments:
Sooooo....I have to admit, I had no idea what this Saved by Zero thing was. I thought perhaps it was an east coast thing....UNTIL I finally saw it last night. In my head Saaaaaaved by Zeeeeeeeerooooo was an upbeat, catchy tune (quite like Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a Spider can), but I was sorely disappointed that it was so mellow. It was such a letdown from all the hype.
Speaking of letdown from all the hype...my Boys are playing this weekend with Tony! He better sack up or else it's bye bye playoffs for us. You don't understand, Dallas is NUTS about the Cowboys! There will be riots.
Sadly, Saved by Zero is the antithesis of an upbeat, catchy tune. If it's just getting to your part of the country, beware. Once it started here in the East, I sae it every other commercial break. So don't be surprised if after a gut wrenching Tony Homo interception, it goes straight into a Saved by Zero commericial. Brutal.
Tony Homo. Love it.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers will emerge super bowl champions at the end of this season. Does Josh Glubiak still reside in Tampa?
http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1860403,00.html
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