A Wise Man Once Said

I love a good line, a witty remark, a poignant repartee, a touché salesman if you will. I like to give credit where credit it due for an insightful comment or a nice zinger. On the other hand, I find myself pouncing on people who say things that I find irrelevant, stupid or worthless. I find myself pondering this notion because this week there seemed to be more worthwhile comments that came across my eyes than normal, both on the good and the bad ends of the spectrum. So with that in mind (as well as keeping the Watchman theme going), let’s mail in a column and analyze ideas other people had.

“I especially like watching LeBron James. It’s like watching Adrian Peterson play running back, only no one is allowed to tackle him.”

This line is what started the quote-post inspiration. I read this on Deadspin, and thought it was clever, as well as dead on. What makes the image even better is the State Farm ad running right now that shows King James singing with the Cleveland Browns. Bron Bron is a freight train, and the ad showing him lining up at nearly every position on the gridiron is not that far-fetched to me. Hell, he already can play every position on a basketball court, why not football?

“Most teams, like Duke, can wear you down on the defensive end by applying constant pressure. North Carolina is one of the few teams that can wear an opponent down on the offensive side of the ball.”

This was Raycom analyst Mike Gminski, right after Carolina went on their 14-0 run in the second half to blow open the game against Dook on Wednesday night. It was such a relief to realize that Raycom had the TV rights to the Duke-Carolina game in my area, thus avoiding me having to listen to Mike Patrick and Dick Vitale, who called the game for ESPN and the rest of the country. It was so refreshing to get accurate and level headed play-by-play (from Tim Brandt) and astute color analysis (by the aforementioned Gminski) rather than they gushing infatuations of Patrick and the hysterical ramblings of Vitale. What’s amazing is that Gminski is less of a Duke homer than either Jabba or Dicky V, even though the G-man played for the Blue Devils. And not only does he keep fairly neutral, Gminski delivers the kind of insight (the quote above) that actually enhances the telecast. This is, obviously, any color man’s job, but very few seem to do it.

“The Dookies may make an Elite 8 or Final 4 run with their style of play, but they ain’t takin home the prom queen with their trigger happy style of play… At some point the 3’s will stop falling, and that’s when the Devils will lose.”

Loyal Oceanliner readers will remember this passage. I wrote this on February 29th of last year, describing why Duke would not win the Tournament in the first edition of the Eliminator. What’s eerie is that it applies 100% to this year’s team as well. Duke can beat anyone in the country when their 3’s are falling, but they have absolutely no one on the interior they can rely on. Their 5 best players are all wings (Henderson, Singler, Scheyer, Smith and Paulus). Zoubek and Lance Thomas in the middle are pedestrian at best. I think Duke would have been a title contender if Krzyzewski had gone out and gotten a stud freshman big man like Greg Monroe (Georgetown), Al-Farouq Aminu (Wake), Samardo Samuels (Louisvulle) or Ed Davis (Carolina). But as is, they will not win 6 games in a row in the Tourney relying on the 3 ball.

Speaking of Coach K…

“You know this smug fuck from all his American Express commericials, from his nasily interviews, from his passive shots at other coaches and from his retarded Polish name Krzyzewski which of course is pronounce "Che-chefski." I think the Black equivalent of Coach K's name is spelling your son's name JaTrian and pronouncing it John. Its just plain retarded.”

This had me rolling. One of my friends send this rant on Duke from the blog Ned’s Younger Brother, and it had me cracking up. Here is the full article if you enjoy Duke bashing.

“Each little snail here, Know how to wail here. That's why it's hotter, Under the water. Ya we in luck here, Down in the muck here.Under the sea!”

Yes, you read that correctly folks. Those are indeed the lyrics from Under the Sea in The Little Mermaid. I etch down those epic lines to celebrate the return of my iPod. It had not been working until I took it to the Apple store and they fixed it. It was a welcome addition back to my workout routine, and it paid off immediately. I was on the treadmill and had half a mile left, but was struggling. I needed one more song to bring me home, and like an angle in the night Under the Sea was the next song in the shuffle. Sometimes the stars align like that. Everyone who knows me well is aware of my affinity for TV and Movie Theme Songs. Hell, its one of my Facebook interests, so you know its important. Well now they are back with me after a couple month hiatus, and it is beautiful.

“Drafting the wrong quarterback is like marrying the wrong person – miserable and expensive.”

The Sporting News wrote this at the beginning of an article about whether the Lions should take Matt Stafford with the number 1 pick, and it amused me. Whatever the Lions do, they will screw it up. St. Louis must be feeling good at number two. They don’t even have to do any work. Knowing that they are picking a guy the Lions didn’t want is good enough.

“I’ll have a Makers and Coke.”

Austin and I were at the bar of a nice restaurant last Saturday when the guy next to us ordered this from the bar tender. I turned and stared incredulously and wanted to ask this brosepf how he could justify murdering such good bourbon by diluting it with Coke. Rookie.

“I’ll always enjoy his 30-second-post-garbage-bucket celebrations.”

I read this on a UVa message board a while back about Mikalauskus having to leave the program, and a tear of nostalgia ran down my cheek. The two enduring images of Lars that will always stay with me:

1) The goofy Lithuanian jersey popping and screaming “we’re number one!” after beating Arizona on the road. So awkward and unnecessary.
2) Corey Foley telling the story of being at the bar at Coupes, sitting next to Lars after we had beaten Duke on the Singletary miracle one handed floater. I’ll let Corey take it from here (or at least my best memory of what he said):

“So Lars has this busted ass brunette on his lap. He then yells at the bartender and orders a round of shots for everyone around him. For the toast he says, and I kid you not, “To the greatest basketball team in the world!” in his thick ass Eastern European accent. The shot almost came out of my nose when I heard that toast.”

Priceress. I can almost hear the Arnold-esque voice in my head.

“In a matchup between two teams fighting to escape the Big 12 basement, Colorado proved it truly deserves last place.”

A great opening line to a game recap by the AP after Colorado scored 9 (yes, 9) points against Iowa State in the first half of their basketball game on Wednesday. Amazingly, there may be worse BCS basketball teams than Virginia.

After a post filled with quotes, I leave you with one of the funniest images I have seen in a long time. My coworker informed me that Jason Cain is alive and well playing basketball in Europe. Well, it turns out that his fans in Germany are just as passionate as the Assemblage of Cain was at UVa. And I can hardly blame them. No matter how boneheaded some of his plays were, Cain always played his heart out and was fun to watch. He will always hold a soft spot in my UVa basketball heart. The image below is a tapestry that Cain’s German fans brought to one of his games. It speaks for itself. Stache 4 Life. Godspeed.

Watchman

So I have figured out what the role of this blog is, at least part of it that is. I don’t try to perform much direct analysis of sporting events myself, because people that cover sports for a living do a much better job of it than I (Sports Illustrated, NFL.com, parts of ESPN.com), although there are some obvious hacks out there (Peter King, Gene Wojciechowski). I also weigh in on the good (Gus Johnson, Dan Schulman) and the bad (Mike Patrick, Tim McCarver) of the sports announcing world.

I analyze the analysis. I am the answer to that immortal Latin saying. I watch the watchmen.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? (Who shall watch the watchers themselves?)

Il Oceanlinere

This is a responsibility I don’t take lightly. So let’s get to it and move on to my weekly Peter King bashing.

I have already harped on how stupid it is that King continued to rank his Fine 15 teams throughout the playoffs, so we won’t spend long here.

Like a bad dream, King ranked his Fine 15 after the Super Bowl. He at least had the decency and the sanity to rank Pittsburgh and Arizona 1-2 in the “rankings”. Frankly, I wasn’t sure he was even going to that, but at least he hasn’t gone completely off the deep end.

I wanted to bring up King to illustrate how stupid his rankings were by highlighting how one team moved up and down the rankings, even though they missed the playoffs. Let’s review the New England Patriots.

The Patriots missed the playoffs, so by definition they were not one of the 8 best teams in the NFL. Yes the NFL division and seeding rules are strange so it is possible to argue this, but King ranks the Pats at 7 in his Fine 15 heading into the postseason. Interesting.

The next week, after Wild Card weekend, the Pats moved up in King’s rankings to 6th, even though, yes, they weren’t playing anymore. Ridiculous.

You can see where this is going. After the Divisional Weekend, when the Patriots shockingly continued not to play, King moved them up again, this time to 5th! Bill Belicheck must be more of a genius that I thought. No, it’s just King is that stupid.

For some reason King regained his senses after the Conference championship games and didn’t do his rankings, instead focusing on Super Bowl coverage. The Patriots waited in limbo.

Then after the Super Bowl, King was back with his Fine 15. With giddy anticipation I checked to see where the Pats were. Hilariously, they had dropped a spot to 6! I shake my head in amazement.

To recap, the Patriots went from 7, to 6, to 5, to 6…all without playing a game.

Ladies and gentlemen, Peter King!

Note to the ESPN.com watchmen who write headlines: you need to come up with some better puns with regards to Duke, or stop using them at all. ‘Be-deviled’ really doesn’t cut it anymore, especially when this year I have seen that headline both after a Duke win (Maryland) and a Duke loss (Clemson). Plus this isn’t exactly the first year this phrase has been used. ESPN pun writers, you can do better.

If Virginia is going to win another game in the ACC, they are going to have to stop having awful first halves. Over their last 6 conference game (all losses), the Hoos average halftime deficit is an astounding 15 points. It is almost impossible to come back from that, no matter how well you play in the second half, especially in ACC country. In 4 of those 6 games, Virginia outscored the other team in the second half (Duke and Carolina being the exceptions). Against Maryland, UVA was down 15 at the half, fought valiantly to pull within 3, and ultimately fell by 6. The most recent example was on Wednesday, where UVA fell behind by 20 at the half at home against Boston College, which is in itself inexcusable. Again the Hoos fought back and brought it to within 7 at one point in the second half, before losing by 10. These first half hole diggings are absolutely killing the team.

Another reason the Cavs lost on Wednesday was their inability to play basketball very well. Sylven Landesberg was again fantastic, pouring in 32 points on 56% shooting and adding 6 boards, 3 assists, 3 steals and a block. The rest of the team however, shot a ridiculously bad 21% from the field. As a team, the Cavs went 1-14 from three point “range”. The defense was also bad, allowing the Eagles to shoot 51% from the field. One positive note was after committing 23 turnovers against Duke on Sunday, the Hoos only had 7 on Wednesday. These BC games are the ones we have to win though, as we go to Chapel Hill tomorrow and are most certainly going to get annihilated.

At least the UNC game is on Raycom, so the watchmen won’t be Mike Patrick or Dick Vitale. But don’t worry, I’d be there even if they were.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Il Oceanlinere

I Like My Posts Like I Like My Women: Short

So let's get to it.

Mike Patrick continues to ruin sporting events. I watched the majority of the Duke-Wake game on mute, and it was glorious. With 2 minutes left, Austin’s roommate (who went to Duke) walked into the apartment and wanted to listen to the rest of the game. Surely, thought the Oceanliner, Mike Patrick can’t be that bad in only 2 minutes. Silly Oceanliner, Trix are for kids. Sure enough, Patrick continues to be incredulous over the most common aspects of a game. I heard at least 5 “unbelievable”s in those last two minutes, as if Jabba had never seen a team come back from being 7 points down with multiple minutes left. I also caught at least two “are you KIDD-ing me!”. Mike, cmon buddy. They pay you to do this. Surely you can me more original than that.

In a shocking turn of events however, Dick Vitale saved the broadcast. Before Duke’s last possession, Vitale suggested (if somewhat obviously) that Duke should give the ball to Kyle Singler or Gerald Henderson, who had been the entire Duke offense in the second half. Henderson got the ball and tied the game with a sweet 15 footer. Then, before the Wake inbounds play, Vitale said something to the effect of:

“Johnson. They gotta give it to Johnson on the inside. That’s their best chance of winning this game”.

Not second leading scorer in the conference Jeff Teague, not all world freshman Al-Farouq Aminu, but James Johnson. Yet, verily, it came to pass. Duke uncharacteristically blew its set play coverage and Johnson laid it in for the W. Sweet, sweet nectar, though belong to Wake. I am not one to lavish Dicky V, but credit needs to be given where it was due, and he had a hell of an end game. Unfortunately, Mike Patrick never has a good game.

Ever notice how the plots of the Die Hard movies increase in scope with every edition? First Bruce Willis has to rescue an office building, then an airport, then a city, and finally a whole country. If they make a Die Hard 5, Willis might have to save the would from an alien attack. That’s fine with me though. If there’s anyone I want fighting aliens while covered in blood, chain smoking and delivering curse filled insults and rants, it’s lieutenant John McClane. I would ever go so far as to put John McClane in the same level as Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer. We could create a Mt. Rushmore of Hardasses…

Sorry, that last sentence was influenced by the horrendous new feature on SportsCenter called the Mt. Rushmore of Sports. If you haven’t heard about it yet, good. Look away and never watch SportsCenter again. I’m close to never watching it again myself. The Mt. Rushmore of Sports is next in line of terrible ESPN gimmicks in the mold of Who’s Now and the Greatest Highlight. SportsCenter looks more like TMZ now than a highlight show. What’s wrong with showing a 2 minute highlight for every NBA game the night before and actually showing a story develop? That’s what I want to see. Not who Idaho’s Mt. Rushmore of Sports is. Turrible.

That’s all I got. It’s freezing in DC. Out.

Cold People in Silly Hats

I watched the Inauguration on my roommate’s 52 inch high definition TV, and not on the Mall in 25 degree weather with 2 million of my closest friends. I think I chose wisely. I thought it was a very nice ceremony, but the Oceanliner would like to rename the 2009 Inauguration “Cold People in Silly Hats”. It was astonishing how many people fit the bill for both of these descriptions; by looking both miserably cold while wearing a preposterous hat. And now, I present three short scenes from the Inauguration weekend:

Act I

(Program Coordinator for the We Are One concert approaches Martin Luther King III)

Program Coordinator: Hey Martin, thanks so much for being here on this historic, historic day.
King: It’s my pleasure, thanks for having me.
PC: Great. There’s actually been a slight change of plans. You know how we told you that you would be introducing a band alone? Well, scrap that. To make the star power of this event even greater, we have decided to give you a co-presenter. You will now introduce Mary J Blige with Laura Linney.
MLKIII: Who?
PC: Laura Linney, you know, the actress.
MLKIII:*blank stare*
PC: You know, the quirky blond actress who’s oh so cute.
MLKIII: I’ve never heard of Laura Linney in my life. What has she been in?
PC: Oh, she’s been in tons of good stuff. She was in that movie, about the emotional mom…damn I can’t remember the name. Oh, and that show, where she played the quirky blond mom…it’s on the tip of my tongue.
(turns to a techie)
PC: Jim, Jim, quick, name a movie for Martin that Laura Linney has been in.
Jim: Who?
PC: Laura Linney, you know, the blond actress.
Jim: You mean the day time soap opera star?
PC: No, LAURA LINNEY, the acclaimed famous actress.
Jim: I’ve never heard of Laura Linney in my life.
PC: Well, do you have an iPhone at least? Go to IMDB and see what Laura Linney has been in.
Jim: Well, let’s see. She was in Congo. That was a doozy. Oh, and the Mothman Prophecies, I remember seeing a trailer for that once…
PC: Frasier! She was in Frasier! Surely you’ve seen Frasier, Martin.
MLKIII: I’m black, why would I ever watch Frasier? That was the whitest show of all time.
PC: Right.
MLKIII: Damn, why do I have to present with this Laura Linney. I see Jamie Fox right over there.

Act II

(Program Coordinator approaches Steve Carell before his introduction at the We Are One concert)

PC: Hey Steve, thanks for being here on this historic, history making day.
Steve Carell: No problem, thanks for having me.
PC: Great. Well, here’s your script for when you go out there and talk about Abraham Lincoln.
(Carell reads his lines)
Carell: Wait, you want me to go out there and just read off quotes that other people said?
PC: Uh, yeah.
Carell: Let me get this straight. You want me, Steve Carell, to go out there are read quotes that other people said, and not offer anything funny, witty or off the cuff sarcastic?
PC: Uhhhhh, that’s right Steve.
Carell: Are you insane? Why would people want to listen to me if I wasn’t trying to be funny? Did you see Dan in Real Life? It was awful!
PC: No, I never caught it. Listen I need you to…
Carell: Dan in Real Life! The director resorted to putting Dane Cook in that movie? Do you know what a desperate move that is?
PC: *hangs head in shame* I know, we almost had to call him for this concert.
Carell: Damnit, oh well. One other thing, why am I presenting with Jamie Foxx? We have nothing in common. Plus I see Laura Linney right over there. Why couldn’t I have presented with her? She so quirky.

Act III

(Program Coordinator for the Inauguration runs up to Aretha Franklin before going out to sing My Country Tis of Thee)

PC: Aretha! Thank God I got to you in time
Franklin: What is it, rube?
PC: So I know you wanted to wear that traditional, normal looking hat that you have on. But I just found this beautiful number from a dude selling hats on the street, and I need you to wear it.
Franklin: That’s the ugliest hat I’ve ever seen.
PC: No! It’s ahead of the curve! You’ve always been a trend setter; this could be your ultimate achievement!
Franklin: But it’s got an enormous bow on it. It’s putrid.
PC: If anyone in the world can pull it off, its you Aretha!
Franklin: How much did you pay for that hat?
PC: Four dollars, but that’s beside the point. Go out there and belt away!
Franklin: OK fine, gimme the damn hat.
PC: *beaming*

End

Watching the Virginia-Maryland basketball game on Tuesday night was a tale of two halves. The first was frustrating and depressing while the second was somewhat encouraging. In the first half, the Hoos showed all of the characteristics that they did when they got blown out by Xavier and Carolina; lots of turnovers, jacking tons off balance threes, poor defensive rebounding and silly fouls. In the first half, the Cavs were 2-13 from beyond the arc, and most of these threes were contested, horrible shots. They turned the ball over 12 times. The defense was horrific, giving up 45 points and allowed the Terps to shoot over 60% from the field. The starting frontcourt of Mike Scott and Asane Sene both picked up two stupid fouls. Leitao sits players who pick up two first half fouls, so we got out muscled by a weaker Maryland team for most of the first half. All in all, it was depressing as hell, losing 45-30 after only a half.

But hey, give Leitao, his staff and the players credit for fighting back in the second half. The team could have easily mailed it in and given up in the final 20 minutes, given that they were down by 15 on the road and playing terribly. But the Hoos responded well. They stopped turning the ball over as much, with only 7 turnovers in the second half. They started penetrating the lane (instead of launching off balance 3’s), where Calvin Baker began to make some runners, and Mike Scott began getting the ball fed to him. After being held to 2 points and 3 boards in the first half, Scott responded in a big way after intermission, pouring in 14 points and grabbing 7 rebounds. Scott is very capable of doing this on a regular basis, but he needs a combination of staying out of foul trouble and people getting him the ball. Dude is a monster on the glass and can create his own opportunities, as he leads the ACC in offensive rebounds per game. Because of this penetration and inside presence, the Virginia guards were able to kick out to open shooters on the perimeter, who were taking open 3’s and not wild, contested ones. Thus in the second half, because of the penetration and inside presence, UVA hit 4 of the 7 treys it took. The Hoos brought the deficit back to 2 before eventually losing by 6. A 15 point halftime deficit is just too hard to overcome.
Gene Wojciechowski is a bigger loser than I thought, and I thought he was a pretty big loser to begin with. This is the man that the Oceanliner lambasted in last week’s post for a column entitled “Book the Eagles for Tampa” in which Wojo said the Cardinals had “not shot” at winning the game and the Eagles were a “lock” for the Super Bowl. I noted that there are no locks in the NFL (especially with a 6 seed playing on the road), and that Gene was over confident. Well, we all know what happened. So somewhat naively I expected Wojciechowski’s next column to owe up to his horrible forecast. But no, his next column covered the AFC Championship, with this lone sentence referring to the NFC counterpart:

“Now the Steelers travel to Tampa, Fla., to face the NFC champion Arizona Cardinals.”

That’s it. That’s all he said about his Philly prediction. What a spineless douchebag. Three days after that, Geney boy wrote a column entitled “Looking back at my 2008 predictions” in the NFL. Surely, thought the Oceanliner, the G-man will own up to his terrible “lock” pick of a week before. Astonishingly, he failed to mention it again. This is the kind of talent ESPN locks up and gives unprecedented access to. It’s not like Sports Illustrated does any better though, as they employ Peter King to “analyze” professional football.

I don’t care about Lance Armstrong anymore. I don’t want coverage of his first race in Australia and the endless talk leading up to the Tour de France. I don’t care if he wins 5 more Tours. I would rather watch endless midsummer baseball highlights than him pedal through the Alps and defend himself against doping allegations. I don’t care about who he’s dating. I’m going to borrow from Dave Chappelle for a moment and tell Lance to stop riding a bike and “Go sell some medicine, bitches!” Does this mean we all have to get out our Live Strong bracelets again? Enough.

P.S. This is the picture ESPN.com ran of Lance when he made his 2009 debut in the Tour of Australia. When did Armstrong become a Sith lord? What a creeper.
So I went to the gym this morning at my office and forgot to pack a belt with my work clothes. I look and feel retarded.

Well, that’s it for this week folks. Enjoy your snowshoeing, Glubiak.

People

Well folks, it’s that time again. Time to unveil the strangest, stupidest and most perplexing bumper sticker and vanity plates that I have seen over the past half year. Yes, it’s this kind of hard hitting journalism that keeps bringing people back to the Oceanliner.

A couple sports related thoughts before we get to the important stuff:

Oceanliner Man of the Year nominee Peter King over at Sports Illustrated is at it again. With four teams remaining in the NFL playoffs, King inexplicably continues to rank the “Fine Fifteen” teams in the league in his opinion. You would think at this point the top four teams would be fairly obvious, you know, the four teams remaining in the playoffs. But no, Petey has ranked a team that did not even make the playoffs (Patriots at 5th) ahead of the team that is hosting the NFC Championship game (Cardinals at 7th). While you are trying to wrap your head around that one, consider this: King has New England ranked one spot higher than he did last week, even though they missed the playoffs and haven’t played a game since December 28th! Ladies and gentlemen, Peter King!

The Oceanliner would like to present this short scene of an actual conversation between myself and Glubiak:

Glubiak: Well, I have to get to class.
Me: Don’t Freeze.
Glubiak: Today is a 5 layer day.

Ladies and gentlemen, Vermont!

Seemingly written with the Peter King school of thought in mind, Gene Wojociechowski posted a front page epsn.com article on Monday declaring that the Eagles were a “lock” to beat the Cardinals on Sunday, that Arizona had “no shot” and that Eagles fans could start booking their plane tickets to Tampa. This is the same Eagles team that tied 4-win Cincinnati. The same Eagles team that twice lost to the Redskins. The same Eagles team who’s starting running back is averaging 1.9 yards per carry in the playoffs…on 38 carries. The same Eagles team that had not one, but two players throw the ball away on the 1-yard line before almost scoring untouched touchdowns in the regular season. The same Eagles team that has Andy Reid as a head coach. Nothing is a lock in the NFL. The teams are too good and the talent across the league is too even for anything to be a lock. When Florida hosts Chattanooga in college football, that is a lock. When a 9-6-1 team goes on the road for a Conference Championship Game, it is not a lock. In the NFL, nothing is a lock (see Panthers, Carolina hosting the Arizona Cardinals).

Last sports note: Here is an excellent article by the Ombudsman for ESPN on why it’s bad when ESPN makes itself the story instead of just covering an event. It’s nice to see that at least someone there can see what’s going on, even if it is her job to criticize her own employer. This is not the first time I’ve linked to her either, she does a good job.

Ok, back to the important stuff. Without further ado, here are your 2nd1/2’08DCMABSAS! (2nd half 2008 D.C. Metro Area Bumper Sticker All Stars)

All Yield to the Princess

This sticker is so corny and so stupid that it made me shiver wit awkwardness when I saw it. Go have another Twinkie, princess.

My Jack Russell Terrier is Smarter than Your Honor Roll Student

Embarrassingly stupid.

Got Triathlon?

Stupid. You can’t “have” triathlon. Does Michael Phelps have a sticker on his car that says “Got 400 meter freestyle?” Actually, he probably does.

War is Not the Answer, Trees are the Answer

I don’t know what to say.

Play More Violin

Although strange, at least this one is clear and unambiguous

18-1

The fact that someone put in the money to buy the sticker, the effort to put in on their car and the acceptance of a permanent bumper sticker just to make fun of the Patriots, when it clearly isn’t their favorite team, is impressive.

Armed Liberal

This sticker had two crossing guns between the two words. Interesting how specific this guy gets in his own description.

Tex-Ass

Again, similar to the 18-1 sticker, going to such efforts not to highlight your state but put down someone else’s…hilarious.

The only difference between Obama and Osama is a little BS

Gotta love it.

II1II1I

This was a vanity plate on a black Chrysler sedan. Is there any question that this guy was on his way to commit a crime? I’m not even sure I got the plate right; it was just full of ones and letter I’s. This was my favorite one of all.

Well folks, there are your top 10 for the second half of 2008. As always, I would love to hear about good ones yall have seen in the field.

I leave you this week with a list Internet searches that were used to find this here blog. In case you missed the last one, I use Google Analytics to monitor my site, and if someone uses a search engine to find my site, it tells me what they searched for. Some of the search results that come up are astounding. This is 100% true, because well, it would be impossible to make this stuff up. Enjoy

Actual Google Searches That People Entered and Somehow Ended up on the Oceanliner (my comments are in parentheses and were not part of the search)

sheryl crow ruined national anthem

deez nuts clothing

nba volleyball (I’m glad I’m not the only one dreaming about this)

sheryl crow putrid (ouch)

john mccain jabba the hut

brazilianfartfetishporn.com

nba volleyball players (success)

where do mlb players get hemp necklaces

vince carter volleyball (we are going to start a revolution)

how toilets work on an ocean liner (this guy has way too much free time)

how fast can an oceanliner make a u turn (ditto)

which way would you go if you went to India by oceanliner (speechless)

how many lifeboats are needed exactly on an ocean liner (who knew so many people were interested in the inner working of an oceanliner)

i am looking for a wedding dress that i saw on an oceanliner (now that’s sad)

movies catfight clothes torn embarrassed

is jabba the hut a good guy

peter king coffee

short sleeve button downs

funny superman and black guy joke

save by zero commercial being pulled

lebron volleyball (he’d be the best player ever)

dwight howard volleyball (I recant my statement, it would be a good battle)

allen iverson volleyball

nba players playing volleyball (Yes we can!)

brett farve interception compulation (I’m not the only one looking for it)

if you were standing in a frozen tundra where would you be standing? (a confused young man)

“rest area” gay (I’ve got nothing)

hilarious alcohol related stories

black guys and jorts

burritos tossed at wizards stadium

mid air tea bag dunk

The Top 5

mike ditka brett favre joke car wreck (I would LOVE to hear this joke)

history of tea bagging in games (did someone think they were actually going to find an archive of this)

extra extra read all about it deez nutz (I’m at a loss for words)

bitches deez days always after ur money (truer words have never been spoken…)

are sales down at brett favre’s steakhouse? (I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep if I don’t find out)

Goodnight folks, goodnight moon.