So it turns out I’m working with the son of a teammate of a legend. We have a 6’7” intern named Russ who is a rising senior at Wake Forest. The other day we were talking about the Garnett megadeal and Russ was really excited about Boston’s chances next season. He’s from Reston, VA so I asked him why the hell he cared about the Celtics. He nonchalantly replied, “Oh, my dad used to play for them”, which immediately got a “buh buh bwwwhhaaaat?” from me. He went on to explain that his dad, Ronnie Watts, played on the Celtics for two years in the 60’s, highlighted by a championship in the 1965-66 season. It turns out Ronnie had really bad knees and could only play those two seasons, but became great friends with Bill Russell. In fact, when Russell became the player-coach in 1996-67, he asked Ronnie Watts to stay on as an assistant. Watts and Russell stayed close friends and did commercials with each other after their playing days were over. They were so close that Ronnie named his son after the legend and Bill is Russ’ godfather. And I thought Wednesday would just be another day at the office. Instead, I find out that I’ve been working with Bill Russell’s godson all summer. I asked Russ if his dad, who now is a real estate agent, wears his championship ring a lot. He replied, “Nah, but he does wear the watch a lot. The championship watches they got are awesome”. Talk about a way to slut anyone in a Nice Watch Competition. “Oh yeah, you think you have a nice watch? Fuck that, I got my watch by winning the NBA Championship with Bill freakin Russell, who also happens to be my boy’s godfather. How do you like ‘dem apples, biotch?”. In my mind, Ronnie Watts says that every day of his life, and it is awesome.
Speaking of work, I’ve only been a bitch of The Man for a full six weeks now, but I’ve already seen way too many men, both in my office and around the complex, wearing the dreaded short sleeve button down. For some reason, the short sleeve button down makes the people wearing them just look so awkward. I don’t know why, there’s just something about it. Nothing personifies this awkward, creepy look more than Michael Douglas in the classic cult flick, Falling Down.
There is no rhyme or reason why this should be the case. Short sleeve polo shirts look fine. As do long sleeve polos. Regular button downs are obviously kosher. The perplexing one is the fact that long sleeve button downs with the sleeves rolled up look fine but if you take away the sleeves altogether you look like Milton from Office Space.
There is equally mind-boggling fashion discrimination in the world of jeans. Regular jeans on guys and girls is 100% All American. For girls, jean skirts, shorts and jackets are all accepted. Construction workers and carpenters can rock a jean shirt with pride. Jean shorts are popular and trendy among black men. But if a white guy happens to go out in public sportin’ some jorts, he will get laughed all the way back home. Again, I have no idea why this is the case, and if you have any solutions, please let me know. I’m just glad no one has showed up in jorts and a short sleeve button down on casual Fridays yet.
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