NBA Musings

This past weekend, The Oceanliner made his triumphant return to the NBA by attending the Wizards-Blazers game on Saturday night. Here are some of the highlights/lowlights.

Freakin Gilbert Arenas didn’t play. 80% of the reason I am trying to become a Wizards fan is because of Agent 0, and he sits out with a bum knee. What a sissy.

Steve Blake started at point guard for Portland. What a joker. Your typical Maryland douchebag who looks like he got hit in the face with a two by four. I was never more comfortable during the game than when Blake jacked up a 3. Instant brick.

Antawn Jamison’s game is still smooth as hell. Dropped 30 and 11 on the Odenless Trail Blazers with an array of jumpers, floaters, slashes and put backs that left me very impressed. Added four treys, 2 assists and a steal with only 1 turnover in 35 minutes of play. He did it so efficiently and seemingly effortlessly too. Great to watch.

We had a Raef LaFrentz sighting! Maybe the highlight of the night. Late in the 4th quarter I see this hulking, awkward white guy lumber onto the floor for the visitors and I think, “Man, I would know that physique anywhere…shit, it’s Raef LaFrentz!”. Talk about stealing a paycheck. Dude’s making $12 million this year coming off the bench for 5 minutes a game! If he continues to average 5.5 minutes a game, he will make $27,584 per minute this year. Absorutery Unbereivable.

Best. Promotion. Ever. During one timeout, the scoreboard started flashing “Chipotle Burrito Dash” and a woman carrying a tray of at least 20 foil wrapped burritos ran out onto center court. Then 10 people wearing Chipotle t-shirts came running out, grabbed 2 or 3 burritos each and started running into the crowd handing out free burritos! That would have made my life. A free Chipotle burrito completely out of nowhere? Heaven. One of the promotion guys even threw a burrito into the crowd. Man, if you were looking and a fatty burrito rocked you in the head, that shit would knock you out. Knock you out with goodness! Zing!

Instead of a burrito, The Oceanliner caught a free t-shirt instead. A horrible downgrade. The shirt is so shoddy and rough that I bet the 13-year-old kid that made it was wearing something more comfortable than the free shirt when it was produced in some South East Asian sweatshop.

Darius Songaila of Wake Forest Fame played 20 minutes for the Wizards. Ouch. They need the Hibachi back, and fast. Songaila is quickly going down the Raef LaFrentz road.

Speaking of ACC scrubs, Brendan Haywood, Jarrett Jack and Roger Mason all played significant minutes in the contest as well, along with Blake and Songaila. It’s all of the ACC I want to forget, yet here they are posing as professional basketball players.

Travis Outlaw came into the game for Portland. The Oceanliner and Schling could not be certain if this was the same person as Bo Outlaw or not. We went with yes. Upon further review, Travis is 23 and indeed plays for the Blazers, while Bo is 36 and is on the Magic. Both are 6-8, 220 pound power forwards with shaved heads. Who knew?

Caron Butler threw down a sweet jam on a breakaway, where he did a one handed slam with his right hand while holding his head with his left, with his elbow pointing out. Very cool.
The Reverend Al Sharpton was at the game, and was shown on the Jumbotron. Priceless

Nationals manager Manny Acta was also at the game, and also shown on the Jumbotron. The hilarious part here was that for the first 5 seconds there was no caption, and everyone in the building was silent while thinking “Who the hell is this clown?”. Then his name appeared and the crowd gave the appropriate applause.

The loudest the crowd got the whole game is when the PA guy showed a Cowboys logo on the Jumbotron.

PA guy strikes again. During one timeout, they did the popular “Kiss Cam” thing, where they show a couple on the Jumbotron and they give each other a quick peck. After about a minute of this, the camera guy zoomed in on the Blazers huddle and showed two players on the kiss cam. Everyone laughed at the poor Blazers. Cheesy, but funny.

Rookie Nick Young out of Southern Cal had 17 points in only 15 minutes off the bench for the former Bullets. He was very impressive, hitting a variety of jumpers, as well as skying for a massive dunk that got the crowd going. He’s going to be good.

NBA crowds are so pathetic compared to their collegiate counterparts. It was like the difference between crowds at Rage Against the Machine and Kenny G concerts.

There were 5 traveling calls in the game. I was stunned. I thought they had stopped calling that. I’ve seen King James take 6 steps and the ref hasn’t even thought about blowing his whistle. Crazy.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable evening. The Wiz cruised to a 19 point win, and the basketball was entertaining. The Oceanliner will definitely try and make it back to Verizon Center again this year. On deck though is the big one. I will be down in Charlottesville this weekend for the showdown with the Hokies. Give me a shout if you will be in town. I know Eroder, Arod, Austin, Heather and myself will be in attendance. Make it down if you can. Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. Until next time, stay out of the paint. I keep the purp by the pound.