2nd ½ ’07 NVBSAS A.S.

Happy Holidays loyal readers. I hope everyone got some baller ass gifts for Christmas. Tis the season.

One of the small but satisfying joys in my life is stumbling upon random, crazy, non senseical and hilarious bumper stickers, some of which take pot shots at random people for completely oblivious reasons. Anyhoo, I have jotted down my favorite bumper sticker sayings from the past few months and have decided to share them with yall here. It gives me a laugh at some of the things people decide to care about and share with the world. So, in no particular order, here are your Northern Virginia Bumper Sticker All Stars for the 2^nd half of 2007. Or, 2^nd ½ ’07 NVBSAS A.S.

Save Fenway!

That’s weird, I didn’t know Fenway Park was in any danger. Silly Bostonians.

Sears Unfair to Retirees

Again, maybe I’m not up to date on Labor Union Monthly, but I hadn’t heard of this gripping battle between old people and a company that is going bankrupt. I think this may be 1 of 16 bumper stickers like this in the whole country, all owned by people named Earl and Edna.

Arctic Circle

Yeah, that’s all it said. It was a round shape and looked like a normal sticker for some Busch League beach, but instead in had Artic Circle and its longitude and latitude coordinates. Somehow I don’t think this guy drove his Geo Metro to the Artic Circle, but that’s just a hunch.

I Heart 311

I’m impressed that a 311 fan cared enough to make this one. I’m also impressed that they woke up from their drug-induced coma for enough time with enough conscious effort to get the job done. Well-played sir.

I Heart Jet Noise

What? You better say that louder. I couldn’t hear you over all that sarcasm.

War/Poverty/Abortion/Euthanasia/Capital Punishment/Racism

This bumper sticker had a big red line through all of these terms denouncing them. I didn’t know people projected their entire views on the back of their car, but hey, everyone’s different. Also, I didn’t think people had to state their stance on Racism anymore. This isn’t 1952. Or Sudan.

Jesus was a Liberal

I wonder which party this guy votes for.

NOVA Southeastern Community College

You need a compass and topography stakes just to find this pansy ass school. If no one has heard of your school, and you shout a cheer, does it make a sound?

*This next one was on a Suburban, and the message was surrounded by Fleur de Lis*

I drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was gone

Burn! Man this one is great, outta nowhere too. Who exactly is this bumper sticker zinging? FEMA? Prez Bush? New Orleans? Mother Nature? The Superdome? The Army? This is spectacular. Whoever is getting rocked is getting rocked hard. I love it. Touche salesman.

And my favorite bumper sticker from the past couple of months is…drumroll please….

Don’t drive faster than your guardian angel can fly

Bu-bu-wwwwhaattt? Rrrrandom. I stared at this one for a solid minute and could not even come close to figuring out what it meant. No religious signs were on it, or connections to any organizations. Priceress. Just prain priceress.

Well, there you have it folks, my cop out column of the week. Sue me, it’s Christmas. I would love to hear of other hilarious bumper stickers than people have seen recently, the more the merrier. I hope everyone has a bomb ass weekend, I know I will. The Word on Saturday night, Skins-Cowboys live on Sunday and New Years on Monday. Can life get any better? I submit that it cannot! Until next time, keep it real, stay safe and do the Superman.