Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the Oceanliner is proud to present the 1st ½ ’08 NVBSAS! For those of you how aren’t down with the lingo around here, this expands out to the First Half of 2008 Northern Virginia Bumper Sticker All Stars. These are decals, vanity plates and road signs that I have actually seen that make me laugh, cry, cringe or go ballistic. And so, in no particular order, lets get right into it.
*Hanging my head in shame*. As I referenced in my last post, this is one of those times where you want to sit down with the person who's car this is and interview them to determine whether they actually think this is a clever statement or they are just playing a cruel joke on the world by subjecting people to this corniness. If they actually think this is witty, my faith in humanity goes down even more.
Popularity is a Socially Transmitted Disease
*Slamming my head into a table*. This person must be friends with the guy who has the Hokey Pokey bumper sticker. But it gets worse, on this same car reads the following embarrassment:
Pimpin Ain't Easy
*Too angry to hurt my head*. I can at least see the appeal of a witty phrase. The Popularity sticker was an attempt at a witty phrase that failed horribly, but at least I see the intent. This one however is just too painful to deal with. So corny, so embarrassing, so unnecessary. Who are these people?
Blackwater USA
Wow, ballsy move by this guy. This is like the anti conversation starter of a bumper sticker. This is an "I'm gonna take the next exit even though its not where we are going" inducing bumper sticker if you see it. I hope there's not a laser on my forehead as I write this...
I Heart Just Plain Joe!
Am I missing something ? Is there a craze going on for the Midwestern simpleton? Women, help me out here.
Tree Hugging Dirt Worshipper
This woman did not pass Subtlety 101. Some great inadvertent irony though as she's not worshiping much dirt as she drives around in her CAR!
Fun Boot Camp For Women!
This was actually a sign I saw on the side of the road and not a bumper sticker. I can't even imagine the kind of women that would go to that. Buzz, your girlfriend...woof!
The More I Men I Meet, The More I Love My Cat
Hilarious. My fellow men and I are all devastated. You really zinged us with that one. *Trying to rub migraine out of skull*
I Love My Kids Whether Or Not They're Honor Students
Finally, a bumper sticker I agree with that also zings some loser parents out there. On the other hand, we all know this guy's kids are stupid as hell.
Well, that's the rundown on bumper stickers for the first half of '08. I'd love to hear of any turrible bumper stickers, vanity plates and road sings yall have seen out there. The more the merrier. The Oceanliner is very excited about Memorial Day Weekend. Possible plans include hiking, golf, a cookout and a the Nats game on Monday. I hope everyone out there has great plans for the weekend as well. So until next time, stay safe, keep it real and don't forget the fire sauce.
3 comments:
Here are two more I forgot to post, and they were on the same car no less:
"Save the baby seals, club a liberal"
and my personal favorite:
"Tolerance is the virtue of a man with no convictions"
Talk about digging yourself a hole.
So...there aren't many vanity plates in the good ole state of Texas, but here is one I see around my neighborhood.
A man, driving a minivan with the plate "XSKOCH"
So, which is it...upon my first read, I saw "Extra Small Cock" (Is that a bad word?). Perhaps it means "Excess Cock"....bc the man has to make up for his masculinity now that his wife makes him drive a minivan????
Either way, I puzzled every single time I see him.
L-Dub, that's the funniest shit I've ever heard. I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I read your comment. You should write this blog.
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