Believe It Or Not

The Oceanliner is in mourning. In mourning because the world lost an Oelschlager this past weekend. Lost the name that is. My second cousin got married on Saturday, and alas she will be leaving behind the Mount Olympus of names. Not all is lost however. Her new husband seems like a great guy, and the wedding brought together more Oelschlager’s than I have ever been around in my life. It was royal company indeed.

It comes as no surprise that an Oelschlager wedding had the best beer selection I have ever seen at a nuptuals (and since this was the 6th wedding I’ve been to in 2008, I have room to compare). Amstel Light was the only light beer available (Yates’ dad would be proud), and the remaining choices were staggering. I had my choice of Sam Adams, Rolling Rock, Harpoon IPA, Harpoon Summer Ale, UFO Hefeweizen, Leinenkugel’s Honey Wheat, Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat, Penn Pilsner and Penn Golden Lager. It was pure heaven.

The coolest thing to come out of this wedding however was the knowledge that my cousin played an integral role in Seinfeld history. Annie Oelschlager lives in Los Angeles and works in the entertainment. When she originally moved out there, one of her friends worked in some capacity on Seinfeld. Well, Annie had the habit of recording a voicemail message on her home phone that changed the lyrics of a popular song to fit her message. She would do this every week or so. Well one day the friend that worked for Seinfeld called Annie at home when she wasn’t there and heard a recorded message that went something like…

“Believe it or not, Annie’s not home, please leave a message at the beep…I must be out…”

You know how it goes. Well the guy that worked for Seinfeld thought it was so funny that he called back, recorded the message and replayed it for Jerry and Larry David, who also thought it was a riot. Then they wrote it into the show as George’s answering machine message when he is avoiding the girl who wants to break up with him. So there you have it: the Oelschlager clan leaves its mark on the Seinfeld franchise. Pretty cool stuff.

Why hasn’t Sports Illustrated run a recent article on Chipper Jones quest to hit .400???? I mean they ran one in May, where’s the August follow up???? I mean he’s only 30 points away from .400 right now.

This is starting to become a regular feature, but my Nats are turning in one of the worst seasons in history. They have now lost six straight and recently went on a 27 inning scoreless streak. Oh yeah, and they got shutout for the 18th time this season on Wednesday night. W-o-o-f.

I caught the back nine of the PGA on Sunday, and it reinforced why I love watching major championship golf so much. It is just so riveting to me. Major golf can hold my attention for hours, where as the Olympics don’t really do it for me. Plus it’s always great to see Sergio get tea bagged by Paddy Harrington again. Gutie summed it up the win nicely in a post victory text:

I think Harrington has learned to use his super human no-blinking powers to intimidate his opponents and win

This obviously prompted some deeper speculation by Mr. Gutierrez, who followed up with an unprompted text only minutes later:

In fact, he and Hansbrough should have a stare-off…it would be close

I love it. Thinking about a Psycho T- Paddy H stare down took up at least 5 minutes of my Sunday evening. I think Harrington would win though because Hansbrough wouldn’t be able to keep still for more than 10 seconds.

Swimming in those LZR suits is like playing with Monopoly money.

The football gods have hung a cloud of frustration over my head, and are making it pour. Both my favorite college and pro teams (Virginia and San Francisco) continue to have a three way quarterback battle that both has no end in sight and has everyone tight lipped as can be. Here’s hoping these situations get resolved quickly, so both teams can focus on their openers with a clear leader under center. And here’s hoping Oceanliner fraternity brother Scott Deke wins the Virginia job. And here’s hoping Alex Smith felt up some mutant sunflowers ala Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 in the off season so that his doll sized hands got a little bigger.

Speaking of football, everyone should try and make it to the UVA-USC game on August 30. Austin and I will be having a tailgate and the plan is for a tubing trip that Sunday, as Monday is Labor Day and most people should have that day off, except Spencer’s European ass.

I have to end with some sad news, though I am powerless to stop it. The Oceanliner and Austin are going to the beach all next week, thus there will be no column until the week of the 25th. So I hope all of you can find something else to do for a week (hang in there L-Dub). So until next time, stay safe, keep it real and ride it out.