Extra, extra, read all about it!

So about a month ago I was sitting around, pondering how many people actually read this here train wreck of a blog. Surely there had to be an online service that told you how many people came to your site. Indeed there was. Helpful Oceanliner reader and friend Andrew “Eroder” Eschenroeder knew of such a site and forwarded me the proper info. So since the beginning of September I have been able to track not only how many visits my blog gets, but other interesting and sometimes hilarious details about my visitors.

One thing that is pretty cool is that it tells you the physical location of the person who clicked on my blog; by city, state and country. I have had people read my blog (well maybe not read, if someone is on the site for only a couple of seconds it counts as a hit) from all over the US of A, and also from a number of foreign countries as well. People from Finland, Germany, Australia, England, South Africa, the Bahamas, Sweden, Canadia, and South Korea have checked out the Oceanliner. Herro.

The best and most hilarious part though about this website tracker service, is that if someone used a Google search and clicked one of the results to reach the Oceanliner, it tells me what that person searched for to get there. And some one them, my friends are absodudtely priceless. So without further ado, I give you the Most Hilarious Google Searches That Somehow Directed People to the Oceanliner.

where can you hear music on a ocean liner

I didn’t know this was such a big concern when on a cruise ship.

Famous oceanliner that starts with an s

Apparently this is bothering someone somewhere

Ryan pettinella
ryan pettinella Italian
ryan pettinella Italy

These were three different searches, and I’m proud that the Oceanliner came up as a result. I bet I’ve wrote more about Pett than anyone. Ever.

One curious tidbit is that all three searches came from New York. Pett is from New York. You readin’ the Oceanliner Pett?

darren sharper best ball hawking db
amare stoudemire is a freak
josh beckett and dustin pedroia hemp necklace

These were the great sports related searches. There were also some great ones that I forgot to write down that were along the lines of “red sox annoying fans” and “red sox douche hemp necklaces”. I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks they look like a bunch of hippie wannabe losers.

doggers shoes cvs crocs which one is better

Asking which one of these is better is choosing the one that sucks the least. And I’m glad this person got how I really felt.

tea bag someone
dude getting tea bagged

Alarmingly, there have been five or six searches for each of these. The nation’s passed out people need to beware, there are some sickos out there. And alarmingly for me, when you Google search “dude getting tea bagged”, my blog is the 5th result.

"i'm on first and first. how can the same street intersect with itself? i must be at the nexus of the universe!"

Man I would have to take a nap in the middle of writing that search its so long. Why someone would need to type the entire quote into a Google search is beyond me. The fact that they got forwarded to a comment some guy named “Gutie” made on a joker blog called “the Oceanliner” is great. Something tells me this isn’t the page he was looking for.

what is the name of the tall musician in the freecreditreport.com commercials?

One, “musician” is a generous term. Two, did this commercial really land some girl hook, line and sinker? Enough to Google search him? F-r-e-e that spells free…

teradactyl

While I would like to think this person was looking for awesome Josh Smith analysis and searched for the nickname I gave him, unfortunately I have to believe they were looking for the dinosaur.

aj feeley sayings

I’ll be honest here. I’ve seen a bunch of John Wooden and Vince Lombardi quotes in my day. I’ve read tons of Chuck Norris Jokes, and I recognize Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy when I see them. But I have never, ever, come across a trancendant AJ Feely saying, the 8-year career backup NFL journeyman from Oregon. Maybe I need to be more cultured.

3rd Place: Oceanliner Search Department

is brady quinn a douche bag

This one just cracks me up every time I think about it. I imagine some guy sitting around his house, restlessly pacing up and down the hallway with a huge predicament on his mind…is Brady Quinn a douche bag? As a matter of last resort he sprints down the hallway and frantically types in this search, desperate for answers that will alleviate his thirst for this piece of knowledge. And then reads my comparison of Brady Quinn to Johnny Utah…

2nd Place: Oceanliner Search Department

Plaxico burress crystal meth

There’s really nothing to say here. Someone actually searched for this, and somehow ended up on this site. Indeed, if you type in those words, the third result is the Oceanliner. Oh well, this is the company I keep.

1st Place: Oceanliner Search Department

There really wasn’t any competition for first place. The number one search was so funny that it almost blew my mind. The place the search originated from makes this search of epic proportions. So I give you, from Seoul, South Korea, the number one most hilarious Oceanliner search:

Ribrary

*Pause* I kid you not. Someone from South Korea searched the Internet for “ribrary”. Again, not much more to say here, only lots of laughter. And if you do the search yourself, you can see the top two results on the entire Internet for ribrary are my humble brog. As I’ve said many times before, you can’t make this shit up.

Well, that’s it for this week folks. Oh wait, one more thing. It turns out you are reading the writing of a famous person. Yours truly has gotten a comment published in the most recent issue of Sports Illustrated, the one with Manny Ramirez on the cover. You’ll just have to check it out for yourself. So until next time, stay safe, keep it real and flick those wasps.