People

Well folks, it’s that time again. Time to unveil the strangest, stupidest and most perplexing bumper sticker and vanity plates that I have seen over the past half year. Yes, it’s this kind of hard hitting journalism that keeps bringing people back to the Oceanliner.

A couple sports related thoughts before we get to the important stuff:

Oceanliner Man of the Year nominee Peter King over at Sports Illustrated is at it again. With four teams remaining in the NFL playoffs, King inexplicably continues to rank the “Fine Fifteen” teams in the league in his opinion. You would think at this point the top four teams would be fairly obvious, you know, the four teams remaining in the playoffs. But no, Petey has ranked a team that did not even make the playoffs (Patriots at 5th) ahead of the team that is hosting the NFC Championship game (Cardinals at 7th). While you are trying to wrap your head around that one, consider this: King has New England ranked one spot higher than he did last week, even though they missed the playoffs and haven’t played a game since December 28th! Ladies and gentlemen, Peter King!

The Oceanliner would like to present this short scene of an actual conversation between myself and Glubiak:

Glubiak: Well, I have to get to class.
Me: Don’t Freeze.
Glubiak: Today is a 5 layer day.

Ladies and gentlemen, Vermont!

Seemingly written with the Peter King school of thought in mind, Gene Wojociechowski posted a front page epsn.com article on Monday declaring that the Eagles were a “lock” to beat the Cardinals on Sunday, that Arizona had “no shot” and that Eagles fans could start booking their plane tickets to Tampa. This is the same Eagles team that tied 4-win Cincinnati. The same Eagles team that twice lost to the Redskins. The same Eagles team who’s starting running back is averaging 1.9 yards per carry in the playoffs…on 38 carries. The same Eagles team that had not one, but two players throw the ball away on the 1-yard line before almost scoring untouched touchdowns in the regular season. The same Eagles team that has Andy Reid as a head coach. Nothing is a lock in the NFL. The teams are too good and the talent across the league is too even for anything to be a lock. When Florida hosts Chattanooga in college football, that is a lock. When a 9-6-1 team goes on the road for a Conference Championship Game, it is not a lock. In the NFL, nothing is a lock (see Panthers, Carolina hosting the Arizona Cardinals).

Last sports note: Here is an excellent article by the Ombudsman for ESPN on why it’s bad when ESPN makes itself the story instead of just covering an event. It’s nice to see that at least someone there can see what’s going on, even if it is her job to criticize her own employer. This is not the first time I’ve linked to her either, she does a good job.

Ok, back to the important stuff. Without further ado, here are your 2nd1/2’08DCMABSAS! (2nd half 2008 D.C. Metro Area Bumper Sticker All Stars)

All Yield to the Princess

This sticker is so corny and so stupid that it made me shiver wit awkwardness when I saw it. Go have another Twinkie, princess.

My Jack Russell Terrier is Smarter than Your Honor Roll Student

Embarrassingly stupid.

Got Triathlon?

Stupid. You can’t “have” triathlon. Does Michael Phelps have a sticker on his car that says “Got 400 meter freestyle?” Actually, he probably does.

War is Not the Answer, Trees are the Answer

I don’t know what to say.

Play More Violin

Although strange, at least this one is clear and unambiguous

18-1

The fact that someone put in the money to buy the sticker, the effort to put in on their car and the acceptance of a permanent bumper sticker just to make fun of the Patriots, when it clearly isn’t their favorite team, is impressive.

Armed Liberal

This sticker had two crossing guns between the two words. Interesting how specific this guy gets in his own description.

Tex-Ass

Again, similar to the 18-1 sticker, going to such efforts not to highlight your state but put down someone else’s…hilarious.

The only difference between Obama and Osama is a little BS

Gotta love it.

II1II1I

This was a vanity plate on a black Chrysler sedan. Is there any question that this guy was on his way to commit a crime? I’m not even sure I got the plate right; it was just full of ones and letter I’s. This was my favorite one of all.

Well folks, there are your top 10 for the second half of 2008. As always, I would love to hear about good ones yall have seen in the field.

I leave you this week with a list Internet searches that were used to find this here blog. In case you missed the last one, I use Google Analytics to monitor my site, and if someone uses a search engine to find my site, it tells me what they searched for. Some of the search results that come up are astounding. This is 100% true, because well, it would be impossible to make this stuff up. Enjoy

Actual Google Searches That People Entered and Somehow Ended up on the Oceanliner (my comments are in parentheses and were not part of the search)

sheryl crow ruined national anthem

deez nuts clothing

nba volleyball (I’m glad I’m not the only one dreaming about this)

sheryl crow putrid (ouch)

john mccain jabba the hut

brazilianfartfetishporn.com

nba volleyball players (success)

where do mlb players get hemp necklaces

vince carter volleyball (we are going to start a revolution)

how toilets work on an ocean liner (this guy has way too much free time)

how fast can an oceanliner make a u turn (ditto)

which way would you go if you went to India by oceanliner (speechless)

how many lifeboats are needed exactly on an ocean liner (who knew so many people were interested in the inner working of an oceanliner)

i am looking for a wedding dress that i saw on an oceanliner (now that’s sad)

movies catfight clothes torn embarrassed

is jabba the hut a good guy

peter king coffee

short sleeve button downs

funny superman and black guy joke

save by zero commercial being pulled

lebron volleyball (he’d be the best player ever)

dwight howard volleyball (I recant my statement, it would be a good battle)

allen iverson volleyball

nba players playing volleyball (Yes we can!)

brett farve interception compulation (I’m not the only one looking for it)

if you were standing in a frozen tundra where would you be standing? (a confused young man)

“rest area” gay (I’ve got nothing)

hilarious alcohol related stories

black guys and jorts

burritos tossed at wizards stadium

mid air tea bag dunk

The Top 5

mike ditka brett favre joke car wreck (I would LOVE to hear this joke)

history of tea bagging in games (did someone think they were actually going to find an archive of this)

extra extra read all about it deez nutz (I’m at a loss for words)

bitches deez days always after ur money (truer words have never been spoken…)

are sales down at brett favre’s steakhouse? (I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep if I don’t find out)

Goodnight folks, goodnight moon.