Insanity in the Air

Well, it must be that time of year again. The time of year when the people at PETA go:

Man, we haven’t done anything bat shit crazy in a while. Let’s get really riled up and emotional about something really pointless and stupid.

The ridiculous outrage by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals this time is focused on the jockey who rode Eight Belles at the Kentucky Derby this weekend, the horse that had to be put down on the track because she broke her two front ankles after finishing the race. Yes it’sad, kind of. And yes it’s hard to watch. But the PETA people are acting like it’s the end of the world, demanding that jockey Gabriel Saez be suspended and the $400,000 second place prize money be revoked.

There’s no need to delve into the further details of the story and its aftermath. The most frustrating aspect of this PETA outrage story and every other PETA outrage story for me is how much time and resources are wasted on such a pointless cause. Absolutely pointless, compared to what the world really needs volunteering efforts focused on. It is so great that the people at PETA are selfless enough to work for the benefit of others, but so freaking frustrating that they don’t run a homeless shelter, or raise money for fighting disease, or pick up trash or anything that would make the human world a better place. Once we solve human suffering I’m all for looking into ended animal cruelty. But we are about a billion years away from that, and everything PETA does until then is a complete and utter waste of time. Can you imagine if starving Africans in the midst of a civil war heard about an American organization devoted to animal rights?

Animals? Seriously? Those selfish bastards. Why didn’t they start a group called People for the Ethical Treatment of People? Or just give us some food or clothes like normal philanthropists? Seriously, animals? Who cares how that stupid horse died. Can we eat it at least? Oh, it’s being cremated. Animals rights huh? Get outta here. Guess I’ll go back to dying.

I’ve seen the PETA headquarters building in Norfolk and it always makes me think about how all of that money they used to construct the building and run their programs is going right down the toilet. They have so much money and man hours and use it so stupidly. It makes you want to pull your hair out

The most ludicrous aspect of the Eight Belles story is also the most hilarious. PETA contends that the jockey “should have noticed an injury and pulled the horse up instead of applying the whip”. I can only imagine what Saez was thinking when he heard PETA’s accusation:

Should have noticed? What are you, my wife? Is this one of those tricks where you say “I’ll have the chicken alfredo” but you really mean “You should have noticed my emotional fragility last night based on the shade of lipstick I was wearing coupled with the fact that I’m on my period and I talked to my mother last night”. Should have noticed? Lady, I’m a professional jockey. It’s my job to notice those things. The horse broke its ankles after the race, what else do you want me to say?

And that’s all I have to say about that.

In NBA news, Suns coach Mike D’Antoni is rumored to be heading to Chicago next season to be the headman for the Bulls. I personally think it would be a fantastic fit, based on the run and gun style of play that D’Antoni loves to employ on offense and the personnel group he would be inheriting in Chi town. I can definitely see Kirk Hinrich being a poor man’s Steve Nash, although he would have to work on his 3 point shooting percentage over the summer to really thrive in a D’Antoni offense (currently at 37% for his career). Hinrich is 27 years old and if anyone can get the most out of him in his prime, I believe D’Antoni’s the man. Ben Gordon is the perfect lights out shooter for this offense and Luol Deng would finally have a field day as the inside-outside Marion-esque slasher. Throw in Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah as the bigs running the floor and me thinks you have a scary ass team on your hands. (Quick Sidenote: Tyrus Thomas will make the nightly Top 10 every day if he plays for D’Antoni. He might even crack the 2008-09 NBA Volleyball All Stars starting lineup). The Bulls also has the selfless yet productive and effective Drew Gooden to add toughness and rebounding on the inside. A three-man frontcourt rotation of Gooden, Noah and Thomas could be lethal. Throw in Andres Nocioni and high riser Thabo Sefalosha as your back up guard forwards and there’s your 8-man core. The thing is, this team could play some defense too, which would satisfy GM John Paxon. Hinrich is a much better on the ball defender than Nash (Nash’s inability to defend the pick and roll may be why he never wins a championship), Gordon and Deng are quick and we all know Thomas and Noah can be forces on the defensive end. It might take a year for the Baby Bulls to grow up, but I’m getting giddy thinking about what D’Antoni could do in Chicago. Now I just hope it happens.

Well, that’s it for this week folks. But before we go, I’ve got a question for the people out there. Is it creepy to think a 15 year old has a sultry voice? Because I swear, every time I hear the Miley Cyrus “See You Again” song I think to myself “Man that’s a sultry voice”. Is that creepy? Or it may be the fact that I really like that song is creepy. Either way, I don’t think I’m kosher. On that awkward note, stay safe, keep it real and do the dirty bird.