Oelschlager 1, King 0
I call Peter King a moron seemingly every week, yet all these attacks are based on his current observations, and are tough to concretely denounce. But now I have red handed proof, uncovered by myself no less, showing what a buffoon King is and how horrible his coverage of the NFL has become, even though he gets a lavish salary to do so on three different mediums (Sports Illustrated, SI.com and NBC).
Loyal Oceanliner readers will remember a segment I created specifically because of King called Instant History. It was part of my March 28, 2008 post called Instant Coffee. My post was in response to this “gut feeling” King had about the Jacksonville Jaguars which he wrote about in his pitiful Monday Morning Quarterback column:
“I think as the days go by, I’m talking myself more and more into Jacksonville being a serious Super Bowl Contender. Maybe the most serious Super Bowl contender in the AFC.”
This was my immediate and incredulous response.
“This guy gets paid to write about the NFL? Does this guy really think the Jaguars are the team to beat in the American Football Conference? The same AFC that the Patriots are in, who were 2 minutes away from running the table last year? The same AFC that the Colts are in, who have won 5 consecutive South division titles (this is the Jaguars division by the way)? The same AFC that the Chargers are in, who underachieved last year and still got to the conference title game (one round farther than the Jaguars)? Jacksonville was lucky to get past the first round of the playoffs last year, and will be lucky to do the same in 2008. Hell, they might not even make the playoffs. In my opinion, New England, Indy and San Diego are all significantly better than Jacksonville. I also believe that Cleveland and Pittsburgh are better than Jacksonville. I think the Jaguars are going to be fighting for the last playoff spot in the AFC with the rest of the mediocre peons in the conference: Denver, Houston, Tennessee, Buffalo, the Jets, etc.”
I was so flabbergasted by this “expert’s” analysis that I created Instant History, again described in my March post below:
“King’s statement of Jacksonville being the top contender in the AFC is so preposterous that I am creating a new Oceanliner Original Feature. I am calling it Instant History. I am going to take predictions that are so bad in my opinion and put them in a time capsule to see how they stand up to the test of time. We can set the date to re open Peter King’s gut feeling exactly 7 months from today, December 28th, 2008, which is the day the Jags conclude their regular season with an away game against the Ravens. We will then see if the Jaguars are the top contender in the AFC, or if they are just a bunch of jokers.”
Well folks, the Jags are such a bunch of jokers that we don’t need to wait for this Sunday’s game against the Ravens. This is partially due to their pathetic 5-10 record, but more because I will be on vacation right after that game happens (see Column, how to mail one in). The real joker, of course, is King, whose “top contender in the AFC” is the 8th worst team in the league. Now I realize that I was not correct about San Diego (who still might make the playoffs) or Cleveland and said nothing about the Ravens, but, wait for it, I’m a random blogger and King “analyzes” the NFL for Sports Illustrated. What a joke of talent evaluation, both by King and SI.
Roller Blading 1, Common Sense 0
Last week I was driving back to work from lunch and it was raining like crazy. What do I see gliding down the sidewalk but a roller blader with a backpack on. This poor dude was blading up a hill in the rain. Needless to say he did not look like he was having fun. Whatever circumstances led him to roller blade in a driving rainstorm could not have been good.
Bengals Announcers 1, Ken Dorsey 0
Every Monday I watch the highlight packages that NFL.com puts together to recap all of the weekend games. They have two different types, and both are great. One includes full commentary from Rich Eisen, Deion Sanders and Steve Mariuci. These recaps are especially good for exciting and meaningful games, as each highlight package lasts 4-5 minutes that includes drive progressions and analysis. Eisen and the boys do not do as good of a job for clunker or irrelevant games, giving them only 1-2 minutes each. But the second NFL.com package of highlights includes all of the good plays (scoring plays, amazing catches, nice runs, stiff arms, sacks, turnovers, etc.) of a given game, accompanied by the radio calls of those plays. Thus each game gets 4-5 minutes, regardless of the importance or score. I highly recommend NFL.com as a source of video football highlights over the joke that SportsCenter and The Blitz has become.
An added benefit to the big play, highlight-only packages is that you get to hear some awesome home team radio calls. My favorite from this past weekend was a call from the Bengals-Browns game (sidetrack, woof) in which Ken Dorsey, starting “quarterback” of the Browns, lined up in the shotgun. The Bengals radio announcer immediately perked up like a kid in a candy store and proclaimed
“Dorsey in the shotgun, this is what we like to see!”
Dorsey of course proceeded to throw a pick on the play. The tone of excitement in which the Bengal’s play-by-play man used in mocking the other team’s quarterback was priceless. Come to think of it, that’s exactly how I would always feel when Virginia Tech would for some unknown reason put Sean Glennon in at quarterback over Tyrod Taylor. That was like an early Christmas present.
Oelschlager 30, Caldwell 0
At a Christmas party two weeks ago, Tyler and I were beer pong partners, and of course, bet against each other on who could make the most cups. Five dollars a cup and 5 games of domination later netted me a sweet $30 from Liutenant Caldwell. The second best part (besides taking Tyler’s money) was the scared and confused looks on the other team’s face when I would sink a cup and my partner would get furious.
Moyer 46, Phillies Oblivious
Earlier this month the Phillies signed pitcher Jamie Moyer to a two-year extension. The hilarious part is that Moyer is 46 years old, easily already the oldest player in baseball. Sounds like a shaky deal to me, but these are the World Champs. And it’s not like Moyer was chump change in 2008. Far from it in fact. The crafty lefty was 16-7 with a 3.71 ERA. Astounding numbers for a pitcher that old that can barely hit 80 mph on the radar gun.
Line Stealing 1, Integrity 0
The Oceanliner would like to credit my high school buddy Ian Beed for the following line.
“Part of me hopes that Chad Ocho Cinco gets traded to a team that already has a player who wears number 85, and he’s forced to pick another number. Now that would be funny”.
I don’t know if Beed stole that line from somewhere else, but it’s freaking hilarious.
2008
Over. This is the Oceanliner signing off for the year. I’ll be back again in 2009. Godspeed.
December 23, 2008
December 18, 2008
Football and Fluff
It’s time to talk about football. I have been ignoring the NFL for way too long now. It’s also time, as always, to talk about amusing anecdotes that occurred since last week. It’s time for a Football and Fluff column.
Football: The most impressive team in the NFL right now is the Carolina Panthers. They play great defense, allowing less than 19 points per game. They run the ball amazingly well as they are 4th in the league in rushing yards per game and tied for 1st in yards per carry at an amazing 4.8. They have a fearless quarterback who isn’t afraid to take risks, although this could come back and kill the Cats if Delhomme has a bad game. They have a break-the-game-open wide receiver in Smitty and a superb possession receiver with Moose. They have done all of this while playing in a very hard division. If they lock up home field against the G-Men this week, the Panthers are going to be very dangerous.
One amazing thing about the Panthers is that DeAngelo Williams (who is 4th in the NFL in rushing despite sharing the load with fellow stud Jonathan Stewart) has not fumbled the ball at all this year in 224 carries. Having a baller-ass RB who doesn’t cough the ball up is huge, especially in the playoffs. Delving deeper into Williams’ career stats reveals that he has only fumbled twice in his NFL career. That’s two fumbles in 567 career touches. Spectacular.
Fluff: There is nothing more awkward than privileged white kids performing tribal African dance moves, yet choral conductors and music teachers from around the world continue to force this awkwardness upon us. On Sunday, Potts, Emily Austin and I went to the National Cathedral to see a Christmas concert (yeah, cute and trendy as hell, I know). The high school choirs from St. Alban’s and National Cathedral School performed, and they were excellent. Their last song was a native South African tribal song, and actually sounded pretty good. Their teacher however, made them do a little shimmy dance while they performed the song, complete with hand gestures and foot stomping. Every kid on stage looked embarrassed as hell as they did the moves, as they should. It ruined the performance. It works when, you know, Africans do African tribal dance moves. It does not work when rich white kids do them. This needs to stop.
Football: Earlier this week, Trent Dilfer was asked who he thought was the better team, the Giants or the Panthers. I immediately thought he was going to say the Panthers, simply based on the fact that they have won 3 straight games and the Giants have lost 2 in a row. Too many talking heads proclaim that the hottest team at the moment is the best team in the entire league (see King, Peter; putting the Eagles at number 6). They seem afraid to claim that the best team overall is the one that isn’t playing the best right now. Dilfer said that he still thought the Giants were the better team, and even though I thought he was wrong, I admired him having the nuts enough to say what he thought, and not what would make him look good. This paragraph is really confusing. Onto some more fluff.
Fluff: In my current rental car (an awful Chevy Impala), there is a feature where if you pressed the window down button for more than a second, the window would go down all the way even if you let go of the button. Great feature. But to roll the window up you had to hold the button the whole time. Why would someone design a window like that? Who would prefer a window that had an auto feature going down but not up? “I’m in Pychoville and Finkle’s the mayor!”
Football: It’s a joke that Brett Favre made the Pro Bowl over Phil Rivers. Rivers has the best passer rating in the NFL, much less the AFC. Favre is 15th. Rivers has thrown 28 touchdowns and 11 interceptions. Favre has 21 TD’s and 17 picks. The Chargers are 6-8 because Rivers has salvaged whatever he could from the season (and they should be 7-7 if not for the horrible Hochuli call in week 2). The Jets are 9-5 despite of Favre’s anti-heroics. Joke city.
Fluff: Last year in the Ribrary, Schling still made peanut butter and fluff sandwiches. I didn’t even know that stuff still existed.
Football: Adrian Peterson is the clear MVP of the league in my book. He is the leading rusher in football and still averages 4.9 yards per carry despite facing probably more 8+ man fronts than any back in the league. He is so good that he has made Gus Ferotte and Tarvaris Jackson look like decent quarterbacks this season. Without AP, the Vikes would be 2-12 instead of 9-5. Minny is 8-2 over their last 10 games. I wouldn’t want to play them in the playoffs.
Fluff: There is a street near my office named Temporary Road, even though it is clearly there to stay, as it is made with concrete, has a stoplight and gets a lot of traffic. Odd.
Football: Sammy Baugh, the legendary Redskins player, passed away on Wednesday. It wasn’t until I was reading the article about his death that I realized how ridiculously good and versatile he was. In 1943, Baugh led the league in passing, punting and defensive interceptions. What an extreme badass. He still owns the single season per punt average of 51.4 yards. He had one game where he threw for four touchdowns and also had four interceptions. He was also a hardass, playing his whole career without a facemask. He is one person who may have been able to out stone-face me. Sammy Baugh, the Oceanliner salutes you (I’m sure that’s his ultimate honor).
Fluff: This is the preposterous picture on the cover of the most recent J.Crew catalogue.
Seriously? So what this picture is telling me is that these two losers got in their fur-coated canoe and went to the Artic ice cap to get a Christmas tree? And that they did it with no oars? And that after going all the way there they picked out the smallest and pansiest Christmas tree of all time? I’m not buying it. Something fishy is going on here.
Football: In an act of high comedy, Chiefs coach Herman Edwards released a book called “You Play to Win the Game”, stemming from a hilarious news conference he once gave. Edwards’ career record as an NFL head coach is 53-72. What a loser.
Fluff: At a Starbucks recently, the woman who poured my coffee needed to dump some out because she had filled the cup too high. She proceeded to pour out some of the scalding hot coffee directly onto the hands of one of her co-workers who had just finished washing her hands.
Football: Please can it end, for the love of God. Don Banks, NFL writer for Sports Illustrated, referred to the Santonio Holmes controversial catch at the end of the Steelers-Ravens game as “plane-gate”, as in did the ball cross the plane of the goal line. Spygate was bad enough. Plane-gate is freaking terrible.
Fluff: I got nothing. I’m out of amusing anecdotes, that’s it for this week folks. There will be one more Oceanliner column in 2008 before I head down to Florida for Christmas and out to Colorado to ski the week after that. After that, you will have to wait for ’09 for more new and exciting Oceanliner original features. By the way, does anyone have a pair of ski pants I can borrow? Let me know. Until next time, stay safe, keep it real and boogie away.
Football: The most impressive team in the NFL right now is the Carolina Panthers. They play great defense, allowing less than 19 points per game. They run the ball amazingly well as they are 4th in the league in rushing yards per game and tied for 1st in yards per carry at an amazing 4.8. They have a fearless quarterback who isn’t afraid to take risks, although this could come back and kill the Cats if Delhomme has a bad game. They have a break-the-game-open wide receiver in Smitty and a superb possession receiver with Moose. They have done all of this while playing in a very hard division. If they lock up home field against the G-Men this week, the Panthers are going to be very dangerous.
One amazing thing about the Panthers is that DeAngelo Williams (who is 4th in the NFL in rushing despite sharing the load with fellow stud Jonathan Stewart) has not fumbled the ball at all this year in 224 carries. Having a baller-ass RB who doesn’t cough the ball up is huge, especially in the playoffs. Delving deeper into Williams’ career stats reveals that he has only fumbled twice in his NFL career. That’s two fumbles in 567 career touches. Spectacular.
Fluff: There is nothing more awkward than privileged white kids performing tribal African dance moves, yet choral conductors and music teachers from around the world continue to force this awkwardness upon us. On Sunday, Potts, Emily Austin and I went to the National Cathedral to see a Christmas concert (yeah, cute and trendy as hell, I know). The high school choirs from St. Alban’s and National Cathedral School performed, and they were excellent. Their last song was a native South African tribal song, and actually sounded pretty good. Their teacher however, made them do a little shimmy dance while they performed the song, complete with hand gestures and foot stomping. Every kid on stage looked embarrassed as hell as they did the moves, as they should. It ruined the performance. It works when, you know, Africans do African tribal dance moves. It does not work when rich white kids do them. This needs to stop.
Football: Earlier this week, Trent Dilfer was asked who he thought was the better team, the Giants or the Panthers. I immediately thought he was going to say the Panthers, simply based on the fact that they have won 3 straight games and the Giants have lost 2 in a row. Too many talking heads proclaim that the hottest team at the moment is the best team in the entire league (see King, Peter; putting the Eagles at number 6). They seem afraid to claim that the best team overall is the one that isn’t playing the best right now. Dilfer said that he still thought the Giants were the better team, and even though I thought he was wrong, I admired him having the nuts enough to say what he thought, and not what would make him look good. This paragraph is really confusing. Onto some more fluff.
Fluff: In my current rental car (an awful Chevy Impala), there is a feature where if you pressed the window down button for more than a second, the window would go down all the way even if you let go of the button. Great feature. But to roll the window up you had to hold the button the whole time. Why would someone design a window like that? Who would prefer a window that had an auto feature going down but not up? “I’m in Pychoville and Finkle’s the mayor!”
Football: It’s a joke that Brett Favre made the Pro Bowl over Phil Rivers. Rivers has the best passer rating in the NFL, much less the AFC. Favre is 15th. Rivers has thrown 28 touchdowns and 11 interceptions. Favre has 21 TD’s and 17 picks. The Chargers are 6-8 because Rivers has salvaged whatever he could from the season (and they should be 7-7 if not for the horrible Hochuli call in week 2). The Jets are 9-5 despite of Favre’s anti-heroics. Joke city.
Fluff: Last year in the Ribrary, Schling still made peanut butter and fluff sandwiches. I didn’t even know that stuff still existed.
Football: Adrian Peterson is the clear MVP of the league in my book. He is the leading rusher in football and still averages 4.9 yards per carry despite facing probably more 8+ man fronts than any back in the league. He is so good that he has made Gus Ferotte and Tarvaris Jackson look like decent quarterbacks this season. Without AP, the Vikes would be 2-12 instead of 9-5. Minny is 8-2 over their last 10 games. I wouldn’t want to play them in the playoffs.
Fluff: There is a street near my office named Temporary Road, even though it is clearly there to stay, as it is made with concrete, has a stoplight and gets a lot of traffic. Odd.
Football: Sammy Baugh, the legendary Redskins player, passed away on Wednesday. It wasn’t until I was reading the article about his death that I realized how ridiculously good and versatile he was. In 1943, Baugh led the league in passing, punting and defensive interceptions. What an extreme badass. He still owns the single season per punt average of 51.4 yards. He had one game where he threw for four touchdowns and also had four interceptions. He was also a hardass, playing his whole career without a facemask. He is one person who may have been able to out stone-face me. Sammy Baugh, the Oceanliner salutes you (I’m sure that’s his ultimate honor).
Fluff: This is the preposterous picture on the cover of the most recent J.Crew catalogue.
Seriously? So what this picture is telling me is that these two losers got in their fur-coated canoe and went to the Artic ice cap to get a Christmas tree? And that they did it with no oars? And that after going all the way there they picked out the smallest and pansiest Christmas tree of all time? I’m not buying it. Something fishy is going on here.Football: In an act of high comedy, Chiefs coach Herman Edwards released a book called “You Play to Win the Game”, stemming from a hilarious news conference he once gave. Edwards’ career record as an NFL head coach is 53-72. What a loser.
Fluff: At a Starbucks recently, the woman who poured my coffee needed to dump some out because she had filled the cup too high. She proceeded to pour out some of the scalding hot coffee directly onto the hands of one of her co-workers who had just finished washing her hands.
Football: Please can it end, for the love of God. Don Banks, NFL writer for Sports Illustrated, referred to the Santonio Holmes controversial catch at the end of the Steelers-Ravens game as “plane-gate”, as in did the ball cross the plane of the goal line. Spygate was bad enough. Plane-gate is freaking terrible.
Fluff: I got nothing. I’m out of amusing anecdotes, that’s it for this week folks. There will be one more Oceanliner column in 2008 before I head down to Florida for Christmas and out to Colorado to ski the week after that. After that, you will have to wait for ’09 for more new and exciting Oceanliner original features. By the way, does anyone have a pair of ski pants I can borrow? Let me know. Until next time, stay safe, keep it real and boogie away.
December 10, 2008
The Frozen Tundra
Well folks, the Oceanliner and Austin recently completed our epic trip to Green Bay to watch the Packers play the Texans at Lambeau Field. And to chronicle that journey, I have decided to pull a Dylan (Dylan…Hawkins? Porter? Porter-Hawkins? Sadie-Hawkins?) and mail it in with a photo diary of the odyssey. This photo diary however, will of course include hilarious, poignant and witty commentary from yours truly.
The first step of mailing in a post is to choose the least original title possible, which as you can see, I have already done. Only a complete hack would choose “The Frozen Tundra” as the title of a post about a trip to Green Bay.
The fun began even before we got to Green Bay, as the Milwaukee airport provided some early amusing anecdotes. First was the Salvation Army bell ringer, who was dutifully doing his job…while talking on his cell phone. How annoying would it be to have a conversation with this guy while he’s ringing a little bell the whole time? I’m going with infinitely annoying. Plus this dude is taking some of the aura out of the whole bell ringing gig. One cannot help feel a twinge of sympathy in seeing a Salvation Army bell ringer standing stoically outside of a Wal-Mart in the freezing cold, ringing their bell in mime-like silence. The dude in the airport maybe could have pulled it off by standing and stone-facing walker by’s. Instead, he was sitting in a chair, yapping on his cellie and pretending like the donation jar wasn’t even there. F.
Elsewhere in the terminal, Austin and I walked past a vending machine that was selling bouquet’s of roses for the incredible bargain of $20. Here begins the photo diary with a shot of said vending machine.
Note the Solo cups of water being used as temporary vases. I’m just mad that they don’t have this thing at Reagan in DC.
“Austin! Here are you Valentine’s Day flowers! I saw these wilted, cheap, deteriorating Solo cup-held flowers in an airport vending machine, and I immediately thought of you. No need to thank me. Enjoy.”
While we are talking about airports, I would like to give a shout out to Midwest Airlines, who pass out 2 free, warm, chocolate chip cookies to every passenger on their longer flights. What a pleasant surprise that was. Delicious. (Sorry, no picture of the cookies)
Having safely arrived in Green Bay, Austin and I made our way to the luxurious Howard Johnson Plaza Hotel, only 2 miles from the stadium. Waiting for us inside the lobby of the HoJo were, and I’m not kidding, a miniature bowling alley and a 9-hole putt putt course. See for yourself:
You stay classy, Green Bay.
Since this was probably going to be the only time we ever spent in Green Bay, we figured we might as well do it right. So our choice for dinner on Saturday was of course, Brett Favre’s Steakhouse. Realizing the hilarity of this choice, I sent out the following text to some people I know would appreciate it.
I’m at Brett Favre’s steakhouse, my world is turning upside down
Within minutes, Gutie’s response came flying in through cyberspace.
Please tell me there is a menu item somehow related to interceptions
Sadly there was not. Then this from Glubiak.
If you are wearing your customized 49ers jersey, dinner is on me. You need to start a J E T S, JETS JETS JETS cheer.
Again, sadly, I was not. And lastly my personal favorite from Fish.
Ha. Where is that? Is it delicious? Did they send your steak to the wrong table to simulate an interception?
Classic. And while I can’t stand watching number 4 on TV, I have to hand it to him; he put together on helluva steak house. The local beers on draft were fantastic ( I had a Brett’s VooDoo Brew and a Spotted Cow), there were at least 7 HD flat screen TV’s in the bar/waiting area showing the Big 12 title game, and the food was first class (think Morton’s or Ruth’s Chriss). At the end of the meal, and Austin can vouch for me, I did something I have never done before and will never do again; I raised my glass and toasted Brett Favre. Not about his playing football of course, but for his contribution to the steakhouse community at large.
Brett Favre as local God note number 1: A gift shop in the Milwaukee airport was selling Favre Jets jerseys. The same shop had a hoodie for sale that had a pouch in the chest for a beer bottle. Only in Milwaukee.
Game Day. Austin and I leave the hotel at 9am for a noon kickoff. As we are driving to the stadium, we see a sign that reads “Green Bay – Pop. 102,000”. The attendance at the game is later announced at 70,000 people. Go figure.
I got the Packer tickets from my aunt and uncle, and we meet up with friends of theirs to tailgate. It is an amazing spot. The backyard where we park backs up to the stadium. This picture shows how close we were to Lambeau.
It also shows Austin looking hilarious, exposing as little skin as possible. This is a good idea because of how freaking cold it was. We later learn that kickoff temperature was 3 degrees. Three. It was not warm.
This is the fire that we hovered around for most of the tailgate to keep warm. It is also the fire that we had to roast our beers over because they had frozen in our car the night before. Our hotel room didn’t have a fridge and I though they would stay cold in the car. Well, that worked a little too well, and I’m lucky now they didn’t explode.
We met this hilarious old guy at the tailgate who was probably around 70. He had a fur hat on and I asked him what kind of animal it was. He tells me that was an otter, and that he had trapped it himself in central Wisconsin. What a hardass. He is also wearing a fur coat, that turns out to be raccoon. I was disappointed to then find out that he had not killed the raccoons himself.
We then go into the stadium, which is freaking gorgeous. The inside of the stadium is immaculate. I’m blown away at how awesome it is. It is one solid bowl of 70,000 people, with all of the luxury boxes built on top of the bowl. Here is a good shot of that.
And here is proof we made it to the game.
And here is proof on how ridiculously cold it was.
Yes that is a beer that froze, and it only took about 45 minutes. Like I said, it was not warm. The locals were even saying how cold of a game it was, and this is Green Bay standards. Yikes. But we made it through the whole game (code: Austin made it through the whole game), and it was an amazing experience.
Brett Favre as local God note number 2: You know how the media reported that Green Bay fans still loved Brett Favre, but were ready to move on with Aaron Rodgers? Completely false. Every time Rodgers didn’t make a play, the fans in our section would scream “Favre would have made that pass!” or “Favre would have run for the first!”, even if it was 3rd and 15. These comments were said half jokingly, but still, they would prefer Brett Favre.
All in all, it was an amazing trip. The stadium was incredible, the game was exciting (24-21 Texans on a field goal as time expired, and we to see Matt Schaub throw for 414 yards), the food was spectacular (on Sunday night Austin and I had a bowls of beer-cheese soup before dinner), the beers were fantastic (I think I counted having 6 local microbrews during the trip) and the people were nice. And of course, in true Murphy’s Law fashion, it snowed a couple of inches on Sunday…after the game.
Oh well. While it would have been heaven to have been at Lambeau during a snowstorm, I can’t complain one bit.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. For those of you that are interested, I have created a College Bowl Pickem group on ESPN.com. Here is the link to that game. Once you sign up, search for a group called Deke For Rhodes Scholar and join the Oceanliner and others. There is no password and no entry fee. Just pride.
The first step of mailing in a post is to choose the least original title possible, which as you can see, I have already done. Only a complete hack would choose “The Frozen Tundra” as the title of a post about a trip to Green Bay.
The fun began even before we got to Green Bay, as the Milwaukee airport provided some early amusing anecdotes. First was the Salvation Army bell ringer, who was dutifully doing his job…while talking on his cell phone. How annoying would it be to have a conversation with this guy while he’s ringing a little bell the whole time? I’m going with infinitely annoying. Plus this dude is taking some of the aura out of the whole bell ringing gig. One cannot help feel a twinge of sympathy in seeing a Salvation Army bell ringer standing stoically outside of a Wal-Mart in the freezing cold, ringing their bell in mime-like silence. The dude in the airport maybe could have pulled it off by standing and stone-facing walker by’s. Instead, he was sitting in a chair, yapping on his cellie and pretending like the donation jar wasn’t even there. F.
Elsewhere in the terminal, Austin and I walked past a vending machine that was selling bouquet’s of roses for the incredible bargain of $20. Here begins the photo diary with a shot of said vending machine.
Note the Solo cups of water being used as temporary vases. I’m just mad that they don’t have this thing at Reagan in DC.“Austin! Here are you Valentine’s Day flowers! I saw these wilted, cheap, deteriorating Solo cup-held flowers in an airport vending machine, and I immediately thought of you. No need to thank me. Enjoy.”
While we are talking about airports, I would like to give a shout out to Midwest Airlines, who pass out 2 free, warm, chocolate chip cookies to every passenger on their longer flights. What a pleasant surprise that was. Delicious. (Sorry, no picture of the cookies)
Having safely arrived in Green Bay, Austin and I made our way to the luxurious Howard Johnson Plaza Hotel, only 2 miles from the stadium. Waiting for us inside the lobby of the HoJo were, and I’m not kidding, a miniature bowling alley and a 9-hole putt putt course. See for yourself:
You stay classy, Green Bay.Since this was probably going to be the only time we ever spent in Green Bay, we figured we might as well do it right. So our choice for dinner on Saturday was of course, Brett Favre’s Steakhouse. Realizing the hilarity of this choice, I sent out the following text to some people I know would appreciate it.
I’m at Brett Favre’s steakhouse, my world is turning upside down
Within minutes, Gutie’s response came flying in through cyberspace.
Please tell me there is a menu item somehow related to interceptions
Sadly there was not. Then this from Glubiak.
If you are wearing your customized 49ers jersey, dinner is on me. You need to start a J E T S, JETS JETS JETS cheer.
Again, sadly, I was not. And lastly my personal favorite from Fish.
Ha. Where is that? Is it delicious? Did they send your steak to the wrong table to simulate an interception?
Classic. And while I can’t stand watching number 4 on TV, I have to hand it to him; he put together on helluva steak house. The local beers on draft were fantastic ( I had a Brett’s VooDoo Brew and a Spotted Cow), there were at least 7 HD flat screen TV’s in the bar/waiting area showing the Big 12 title game, and the food was first class (think Morton’s or Ruth’s Chriss). At the end of the meal, and Austin can vouch for me, I did something I have never done before and will never do again; I raised my glass and toasted Brett Favre. Not about his playing football of course, but for his contribution to the steakhouse community at large.
Brett Favre as local God note number 1: A gift shop in the Milwaukee airport was selling Favre Jets jerseys. The same shop had a hoodie for sale that had a pouch in the chest for a beer bottle. Only in Milwaukee.
Game Day. Austin and I leave the hotel at 9am for a noon kickoff. As we are driving to the stadium, we see a sign that reads “Green Bay – Pop. 102,000”. The attendance at the game is later announced at 70,000 people. Go figure.
I got the Packer tickets from my aunt and uncle, and we meet up with friends of theirs to tailgate. It is an amazing spot. The backyard where we park backs up to the stadium. This picture shows how close we were to Lambeau.
It also shows Austin looking hilarious, exposing as little skin as possible. This is a good idea because of how freaking cold it was. We later learn that kickoff temperature was 3 degrees. Three. It was not warm.
This is the fire that we hovered around for most of the tailgate to keep warm. It is also the fire that we had to roast our beers over because they had frozen in our car the night before. Our hotel room didn’t have a fridge and I though they would stay cold in the car. Well, that worked a little too well, and I’m lucky now they didn’t explode.
We met this hilarious old guy at the tailgate who was probably around 70. He had a fur hat on and I asked him what kind of animal it was. He tells me that was an otter, and that he had trapped it himself in central Wisconsin. What a hardass. He is also wearing a fur coat, that turns out to be raccoon. I was disappointed to then find out that he had not killed the raccoons himself.
We then go into the stadium, which is freaking gorgeous. The inside of the stadium is immaculate. I’m blown away at how awesome it is. It is one solid bowl of 70,000 people, with all of the luxury boxes built on top of the bowl. Here is a good shot of that.
And here is proof we made it to the game.
And here is proof on how ridiculously cold it was.
Yes that is a beer that froze, and it only took about 45 minutes. Like I said, it was not warm. The locals were even saying how cold of a game it was, and this is Green Bay standards. Yikes. But we made it through the whole game (code: Austin made it through the whole game), and it was an amazing experience.Brett Favre as local God note number 2: You know how the media reported that Green Bay fans still loved Brett Favre, but were ready to move on with Aaron Rodgers? Completely false. Every time Rodgers didn’t make a play, the fans in our section would scream “Favre would have made that pass!” or “Favre would have run for the first!”, even if it was 3rd and 15. These comments were said half jokingly, but still, they would prefer Brett Favre.
All in all, it was an amazing trip. The stadium was incredible, the game was exciting (24-21 Texans on a field goal as time expired, and we to see Matt Schaub throw for 414 yards), the food was spectacular (on Sunday night Austin and I had a bowls of beer-cheese soup before dinner), the beers were fantastic (I think I counted having 6 local microbrews during the trip) and the people were nice. And of course, in true Murphy’s Law fashion, it snowed a couple of inches on Sunday…after the game.
Oh well. While it would have been heaven to have been at Lambeau during a snowstorm, I can’t complain one bit.Well, that’s it for this week folks. For those of you that are interested, I have created a College Bowl Pickem group on ESPN.com. Here is the link to that game. Once you sign up, search for a group called Deke For Rhodes Scholar and join the Oceanliner and others. There is no password and no entry fee. Just pride.
Until next time, stay safe, keep it real and bundle up.
PS - I had to share this paragraph that Steve Czaban wrote about Peter King being a moron. One week after a great SI article, he comes back with this bologna. It’s like he’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in terms of print vs. online. Enjoy.
“How do you know Peter King is an idiot? He’s got Philadelphia ranked as his #6 ranked NFL team right now, ahead of the entire NFC South (Tampa Bay #7, Atlanta #9, Carolina #10). It will not shock anybody that King just happened to cover Philly’s win over a clearly distracted Giants team on Sunday. Like any mark, King is easily swayed by the last thing he saw, and by whatever he happens to cover in person. His blog at SI.com is very entertaining, in an unintentionally funny way. But it provides some of the worst NFL “analysis” of any writer who has covered the league for more than 5 minutes.”
Absolutely dead on. Priceress.
PS - I had to share this paragraph that Steve Czaban wrote about Peter King being a moron. One week after a great SI article, he comes back with this bologna. It’s like he’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in terms of print vs. online. Enjoy.
“How do you know Peter King is an idiot? He’s got Philadelphia ranked as his #6 ranked NFL team right now, ahead of the entire NFC South (Tampa Bay #7, Atlanta #9, Carolina #10). It will not shock anybody that King just happened to cover Philly’s win over a clearly distracted Giants team on Sunday. Like any mark, King is easily swayed by the last thing he saw, and by whatever he happens to cover in person. His blog at SI.com is very entertaining, in an unintentionally funny way. But it provides some of the worst NFL “analysis” of any writer who has covered the league for more than 5 minutes.”
Absolutely dead on. Priceress.
December 04, 2008
Quietly in to the Night
And with a whimper, the UVA football season slowly came to a close. The Oceanliner was in Charlotte for Thanksgiving and got to watch the Tech game with Austin, birthday boy Potts and Tyler, which was fun. Plus we gave the Hokies a better game than I thought we would have. We had a chance to win in the fourth quarter, which is all you can really ask for. But a Favre-esque back breaking interception from Marc Verica ended the game and Virginia’s season. Two things here:
1) It was a horrendous pass. Truly God awful
2) I don’t trust people name Marc who spell their name with a c. Weird.
The Hoos “offense” did provide some entertainment value however, by running the Wildcat formation for most of the game. I can’t imagine what people who don’t follow the ACC must have been thinking if they tuned in for the game.
“Wait, you’re telling me that the starting Virginia cornerback, who hasn’t taken a rep at quarterback since high school, has taken 75% of the snaps in the biggest rivalry game of the season? What kind of Looney Tunes ship are they running in Charlottesville?”
And they would be exactly right. Except I kind of liked it. If Vic Hall is in at quarterback and running every time, there’s no way Verica can throw an interception on the same play. It almost worked too. Hall ran 16 times. 13 of these runs were completely stuffed. But of the other three, two went for touchdowns and the other for 39 yards and into Hokie territory in the 4th quarter, only down by a figgie. Then Verica comes in and throws a pick. A horrific and putrid interception. His 16th of the season. That was tied for 5th in the country. Plus he only threw 8 touchdowns. Not good. When we were riding out four game winning streak, Verica looked good and seemed like he was steadily improving every game. Well, he must have hit a wall, because he ended terribly and looks very shaky going into 2009.
Another thing about that four game winning streak and the Hoos very strange season. If you look at our results against D1A teams (so excluding Richmond), we started 0-3 (losing by an average of 36 points per game by the way)…then won four games in a row…then lost four games in a row to finish the season. Weird again. After winning those 4 games in a row we were alone in first place in the Coastal. We finished the season 11th in the conference. Bizarre.
One last thing about us running the Wildcat. When Tyler and I saw us running it, we both thought,
“Oh no, they are going to start calling this something embarrassing like the Wild Wahoo”. *hanging heads in shame*
Not to be disappointed though, the ESPN announcers actually came up with something much worse, and started to call the formation the Wahoo Cat. Tyler and I were stunned. That just didn’t make sense at all. So we came up with a better name. If you are going to call it two animals, why not the Catfish formation? I like it. So if we start running this stuff again next year, call it the Catfish. Do it.
Quietly Perprexing
A week or two ago I went to the gym at my office before work to get a run in. When I walked into the gym, there was a small Asian man running on the treadmill…with no shoes on. Now this seemed strange to me, but the dude could have forgotten his shoes at home and still wanted to get his workout in. I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt. But then the guy ends his run, turns around, sits down on the treadmill, and puts on a pair of shoes. Running shoes. Strange.
While we are on the topic of treadmills, I went to the gym at my parents’ apartment complex on the morning of Thanksgiving, so as to build up a bigger appetite. I get on the treadmill and it asks me to enter my weight…and prompts me for a number between 75 and 400 pounds. Two thoughts:
1) I’m no personal trainer, but something tells me a 400 pounder is going to need a little more than a treadmill. But hey, I guess you gotta start somewhere.
2) It’s hard to believe that the same piece or machinery, which looked very brittle and flimsy, would be able to accommodate both Mary Kate Olsen and Mark Mangino.
Quietly Complimentary
Peter King is a moron, but can still sometimes crank out a good article, and I must give credit where credit is due. King wrote an excellent piece in last week’s Sports Illustrated about linebackers in the NFL, and specifically how Derrick Brooks prepared for a game against Adrian Peterson and the Vikings. I highly recommend it. You can read it here.
It appears that when King actually has to revert to real journalism for a magazine article, instead of his Favre-idolizing and horrendous tangents in an online piece, that he can actually be eloquent and insightful.
Quietly Perplexing
At a rest area on the way back from Charlotte on Sunday, I saw a black guy wearing a Davis Akers Philadelphia Eagles jersey. I was puzzled. Why would a young black dude buy the jersey of a 33 year old, balding, white kicker? Why would anyone buy a David Akers jersey? Weird.
Quiet on the Court
In an NBA game a couple of weeks ago, David West of the Hornets played 36 minutes and only had 1 rebound. He is their starting power forward. What exactly was he doing? It seems like you would have to exert enormous amounts of energy to stay away from that many rebounds during the course of a game. Weird.
Loud and Clear
The NBA coaching carousel is a joke. When Eddie Jordan got fired by the Wizards recently, he had been the longest tenured coach in the Eastern Conference…with 5 years on the job. 15 teams in the conference, and not one coach with 5 years under his belt. Silly.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. Austin and I are heading to Green Bay this weekend to take in a Packers game at the Frozen Tundra. I am ecstatic. One, because it will cross off a major sports milestone in my life. And two, I don’t have to watch Brett Favre play. Thank God. Keep it real everyone. I already know you will stay safe.
1) It was a horrendous pass. Truly God awful
2) I don’t trust people name Marc who spell their name with a c. Weird.
The Hoos “offense” did provide some entertainment value however, by running the Wildcat formation for most of the game. I can’t imagine what people who don’t follow the ACC must have been thinking if they tuned in for the game.
“Wait, you’re telling me that the starting Virginia cornerback, who hasn’t taken a rep at quarterback since high school, has taken 75% of the snaps in the biggest rivalry game of the season? What kind of Looney Tunes ship are they running in Charlottesville?”
And they would be exactly right. Except I kind of liked it. If Vic Hall is in at quarterback and running every time, there’s no way Verica can throw an interception on the same play. It almost worked too. Hall ran 16 times. 13 of these runs were completely stuffed. But of the other three, two went for touchdowns and the other for 39 yards and into Hokie territory in the 4th quarter, only down by a figgie. Then Verica comes in and throws a pick. A horrific and putrid interception. His 16th of the season. That was tied for 5th in the country. Plus he only threw 8 touchdowns. Not good. When we were riding out four game winning streak, Verica looked good and seemed like he was steadily improving every game. Well, he must have hit a wall, because he ended terribly and looks very shaky going into 2009.
Another thing about that four game winning streak and the Hoos very strange season. If you look at our results against D1A teams (so excluding Richmond), we started 0-3 (losing by an average of 36 points per game by the way)…then won four games in a row…then lost four games in a row to finish the season. Weird again. After winning those 4 games in a row we were alone in first place in the Coastal. We finished the season 11th in the conference. Bizarre.
One last thing about us running the Wildcat. When Tyler and I saw us running it, we both thought,
“Oh no, they are going to start calling this something embarrassing like the Wild Wahoo”. *hanging heads in shame*
Not to be disappointed though, the ESPN announcers actually came up with something much worse, and started to call the formation the Wahoo Cat. Tyler and I were stunned. That just didn’t make sense at all. So we came up with a better name. If you are going to call it two animals, why not the Catfish formation? I like it. So if we start running this stuff again next year, call it the Catfish. Do it.
Quietly Perprexing
A week or two ago I went to the gym at my office before work to get a run in. When I walked into the gym, there was a small Asian man running on the treadmill…with no shoes on. Now this seemed strange to me, but the dude could have forgotten his shoes at home and still wanted to get his workout in. I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt. But then the guy ends his run, turns around, sits down on the treadmill, and puts on a pair of shoes. Running shoes. Strange.
While we are on the topic of treadmills, I went to the gym at my parents’ apartment complex on the morning of Thanksgiving, so as to build up a bigger appetite. I get on the treadmill and it asks me to enter my weight…and prompts me for a number between 75 and 400 pounds. Two thoughts:
1) I’m no personal trainer, but something tells me a 400 pounder is going to need a little more than a treadmill. But hey, I guess you gotta start somewhere.
2) It’s hard to believe that the same piece or machinery, which looked very brittle and flimsy, would be able to accommodate both Mary Kate Olsen and Mark Mangino.
Quietly Complimentary
Peter King is a moron, but can still sometimes crank out a good article, and I must give credit where credit is due. King wrote an excellent piece in last week’s Sports Illustrated about linebackers in the NFL, and specifically how Derrick Brooks prepared for a game against Adrian Peterson and the Vikings. I highly recommend it. You can read it here.
It appears that when King actually has to revert to real journalism for a magazine article, instead of his Favre-idolizing and horrendous tangents in an online piece, that he can actually be eloquent and insightful.
Quietly Perplexing
At a rest area on the way back from Charlotte on Sunday, I saw a black guy wearing a Davis Akers Philadelphia Eagles jersey. I was puzzled. Why would a young black dude buy the jersey of a 33 year old, balding, white kicker? Why would anyone buy a David Akers jersey? Weird.
Quiet on the Court
In an NBA game a couple of weeks ago, David West of the Hornets played 36 minutes and only had 1 rebound. He is their starting power forward. What exactly was he doing? It seems like you would have to exert enormous amounts of energy to stay away from that many rebounds during the course of a game. Weird.
Loud and Clear
The NBA coaching carousel is a joke. When Eddie Jordan got fired by the Wizards recently, he had been the longest tenured coach in the Eastern Conference…with 5 years on the job. 15 teams in the conference, and not one coach with 5 years under his belt. Silly.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. Austin and I are heading to Green Bay this weekend to take in a Packers game at the Frozen Tundra. I am ecstatic. One, because it will cross off a major sports milestone in my life. And two, I don’t have to watch Brett Favre play. Thank God. Keep it real everyone. I already know you will stay safe.
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