Fashion Statement

Well, it’s that time of year again. College basketball season to be exact, when silly undergraduates annually look retarded by wearing XXXL t-shirts under their uniform. I caught my first glimpse of this train wreck last night while watching the Carolina-Kentucky game. Here is Ed Davis, prized freshman forward, playing for the number one team in the country, at home against a storied opponent in prime time…looking like a Busch league middle school kid wearing his lucky t-shirt under his jersey.

C’mon man, pull yourself together. There is a reason the NBA doesn’t let its players wear t-shirts under their jerseys. It looks stupid and immature. You are not in high school anymore buddy. I see it across most college teams in the country, and I wish it would end.

Now if Ed decides to get fashion advice from a teammate, it certainly shouldn’t be from Tyler Hansbrough. Pyscho T was rocking a black pinstripe suit with one of those trendy black business t-shirts while riding the bench last night, and well, it didn’t look good.

I don’t know if it was the colors, the Tiger Woods t-shirt, or the haircut, but it wasn’t flattering. Marcus Ginyard, sitting next to Hansbrough and also out injured, managed to put himself together quite nicely. Hansbrough just looks lost.

What do you think those two white guys are saying to each other next to Ginyard?

“Oh shit, the black guy is looking at us, don’t move”

or…

“Man, I gotta take a wicked dump, but we still got 15 minutes until halftime”

or maybe…

“How do you get your hair so silly smooth but still have so much volume at the same time?”

and finally…

“Tell me when that lady behind us looks away. She’s freaking me out with that botox grin plastered on her face”

Since this post has degenerated into a fashion critique (happy Austin?), I might as well bring up the “barista” at my local Starbucks who apparently doesn’t believe in belts. Seriously, every time I go in there the dude has his ‘Bucks “polo” shirt tucked into khakis with no belt on. C’mon, buddy, get with the program. Not only does it look stupid not wearing a belt, but it serves a valuable purpose, and this dudes pants are falling down.

I went and saw Quantum of Solace on Monday night, and it was hella badass. Daniel Craig is an awesome, hardass Bond who just loves to wreck people. And as we continue to walk down this fashion runway (runway, get it?), I must say I saw my vision of Rugged Luxury up on the screen. James Bond IS Rugged Luxury, and it is plenty obvious in the new movie. The costume designers must have read my post on J. Oelschlager and applied it to their creation of the Bond wardrobe. There’s no other way to explain it. When J. Oelschlager gets up and running, it will definitely be the official Bond wardrobe partner. Hell, the movie makers will probably pay me to dress Bond.

I finish this week with one of the more unbelievable anecdotes ever listed in this blog, but unfortunately you must be a UVA connoisseur to fully appreciate it. I was sitting around on Sunday afternoon when I got a text from a coworker of mine who was down in Charlottesville for the Hoos home basketball opener against VMI. It read:

Singing the national anthem…Benny Dodd.

I was flabbergasted. Floored. Stunned. The fact that the one and only Benny Dodd was honoring America at a UVA basketball game blew me away. I could maybe understand in February in the dog days of ACC play, if Littlepage got Dodd to do the national anthem because there was no one with a good voice within 20 miles of Charlottesville and tip-off was in 10 minutes. But this was the home opener! Benny Dodd! Well we know he wasn’t hard to find, all they had to do was go to Coupes. I immediately sprang to my phone and let everyone know and got these hilarious responses

From Rubiak; I hope that’s a good omen for our season but all signs point to definitely not

And from Eroder; He probably sang 8 words of it and let the crowd sing the rest

Maybe the funniest part is that I was told Benny didn’t even have his trusty guitar with him out there, he was just belting the anthem out!. I can’t even imagine the reaction of people there who didn’t know who Dodd was.

*For those who don’t know, Benny Dodd is a 400 pound, mammoth, waste of a man who has been playing cover songs (poorly, I might add) at the same small, completely underage bar in Charlottesville for the last 20 years.

Well, that’s it for this week folks. Godspeed.

Sidetracked

Are you ready for some football? If you are…well, you’re not going to want to watch Monday Night Football, where my atrocious Niners are taking on the Cardinals, on the road no less.

Sidetrack Number 1: I am no fan of Chris Berman at this senile and Madden-like point in his career. His nicknames have gotten out of hand, but he gave one during the MNF pre-game show that made me chuckle by calling the Cardinals stadium The Big Toaster, due to the awkward opening in the top ala Texas Stadium. Tears of nostalgia came to me eyes thinking about when Berman actually bestowed good nicknames like Andre “Bad Moon” Rison and Curtis “My Favorite Martin”.

Sidetrack to a Sidetrack Number 1: Speaking of tears, I had to put this in here.

I take absolutely no credit for this one. Glubiak sent me this one, and a Cheshire cat grin spread across my face. Even though the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets are winning games, Favre is still throwing the most horrific of interceptions, the ones where you can’t even see an offensive player in the screen. Bit I digress…

The 49ers are 2-6, have lost 5 games in a row and are starting the great Shaun Hill at quarterback. Yet I still sit here in my custom Oelschlager 49ers heresy pumped as hell about watching San Fran on national television. It doesn’t matter how bad they are or how many times Singletary drops his pants, its just exciting.

Sidetrack Number 2: So it turns out the legendary Shaun Hill is number 13. My custom 49ers Oelschlager threads are also graced with that luckiest of numbers. So I am inadvertently wearing a Shaun Hill jersey. Ye gods.

The ESPN idiots ran their usual 47 person pre-game show again, and useless banter was the norm as usual. One particular head slapper stood out on this night. Berman was talking about the Jets resurgence, and asked Trent Dilfer to explain how much of a difference new nose tackle Kris Jenkins had made on the Jets D-line. Dilfer replies,

“Boom, Jenkins has been indescribably good. He’s been a monster in the front, completely dominating the other team’s O-line…”

I stopped listening after that first sentence and a half. I was trying to wrap my head around what I had just heard. Trent, buddy, first you tell me that Jenkins has been “indescribably” good. Then, pal, you go on and try to, wait for it, describe how good Jenkins has played. I all for hyperbole, but this was ridiculous.

Sidetrack Number 3: I don’t know how I stumbled across this one, but there is a blog out there solely dedicated to covering terrible announcers. May I present the official Oceanliner endorsement to Awful Announcing at awfulannouncing.blogspot.com. It is a riot. And this isn’t one of those political if-you-do-me-I’ll-do-you endorsements. I have no idea who these guys are, but they are hilarious.

Back to the 103 person pre-game show on ESPN. (Their pre-game show is like Pig Gig. Every week/year it jumps by 34). They have expanded the pre-game pickem to a preposterous eight people. Stu Scott, Steve Young, Emmit Smith, Boomer, Chris Carter, Tom Jackson, Keyshawn and Ditka all imparted their sublime knowledge on the American people. And they all picked ‘Zone. John McCain is from Arizona and he lost. Idiots.

Sidetrack Number 4: This has nothing to do with anything, but how has Sean May gotten so fat?
I was doing some fantasy basketball research and clicked on May’s profile, and his picture made me jump back from my computer. Dude has more chins than a Chinese phonebook. Good god man, stop hanging out with Lendale White.

Sidetrack Number 5: Well, these aren’t really sidetracks anymore, more like my customary random thoughts. I was driving on the Beltway one morning last week and saw a woman who was talking on her cell phone and smoking a cigarette while somehow staying on the road. I wonder a lot how there are not more accidents on the road.

Sidetrack Number 6: Is the Sports Guy stealing from the Oceanliner???? Check out this column by Bill Simmons, posted on November 7th, 9 days after I decried the Toyota Saved by Zero commercials. You’re going to want to the passage after number 17 on the Saints. Look how eerily similar it is to my last post.

Here is Simmons’ column. Conspiracy?

Well, that’s it for this week folks. Take care.