Twice in the past year I have angered the Football Gods with my disloyalty, and both times they have made me pay the price heavily. The most recent occurred last night, with the huge VA Tech-BC Thursday night game on ESPN. The Oceanliner had watched the entire wretched game, up until 5 minutes left when Matt Ryan threw what I thought to be the game ending interception. I was tired and annoyed that such promising game had been so boring, so I shut off the TV and went to bed. Ohhhh no said the Fotball Gods, why abandon a game with 5 minutes left when you've sat through the whole thing? Especially one that's only a 10-point game involving two of the top 8 teams in the country. So of course when I turn on Sportscenter the next morning, I see the highlights of Matt Ryan throwing 2 touchdowns in the last 3 minutes, sandwiched around a crazy onside kick. My jaw hit the ground. I looked up to the heavens and could only blame myself. The Football Gods were just doing their job. I can't be too mad either, as this Tech loss really helps UVA into having a backdoor shot at the ACC Championship in Jacksonville.
The other time I angered the Football Gods with my writing a game off was much more egregious. It was the Fiesta Bowl this January involving Boise State and Oklahoma. When the Broncos ran in a pick-6 with 8:05 left in the third quarter to take a 28-10 lead, The Oceanliner mentally declared, “This game is over, I’m outta here”. Well, we all know what happened next. I only, you know, missed the greatest college football game of all time because I was a pansy and didn’t finish watching a BCS game. Oh well. I have renewed vengeance now to stick with game, lest the Football Gods will strike me down again.
Sorry for the delay in the Oceanliner this week. I have a post coming soon about how much of douche bags Red Sox Nation is, but I am working out technical difficulties on getting the appropriate picture involved. Until then, stay tuned.
October 26, 2007
October 18, 2007
Vending Machine Update
Not that it wasn't officially ridiculous before, but a third Ribrary Courts vending machine fiasco has cemented an certifiably insane device. On Tuesday, esteemed Oceanliner girlfriend Austin was having dinner over at the Courts, and decided she needed an ice cold Diet Coke to wash down the delicious frozen chicken zapped on the Foreman, 90 second rice and canned green beans that I had so meticulously prepared for her. She went down to the vending machine on the parking garage level and came back into the apartment laughing her ass off, so I knew some soda hilarity had ensued. So of course she walked in with 4 Diet Cokes and all her money back. She said she had paid for the Diet Coke and one came out and was about to get back on the elevator, when she heard the machine start a rumblin again and three more shot out. Then out of gratitude, all her money shot out as well. Except only $1.20 came out. The machine had kept 5 cents. For those of you scoring at home, that’s 12 sodas that residents and friends of Ribrary Courts have enjoyed for nickel. Schling got 2 Sprites for free, Beercan got his 4 Diet Cokes and Austin got 4 more for 5 cents. 12 sodas for 5 pennies. That’s .4 cents per soda. You can’t beat a deal like that. 240 ounces of goodness for one TJ. Anyways, that’s how life goes on at the Courts, and we love it. Until next time, keep on layin the lumber. Peace.
October 10, 2007
The Real Carolina
One of the cool things about college sports is that they can drag politics into the picture in often hilarious and harmless ways. One of the more common and amusing examples of this is when two governors make a friendly wager on the outcome of a sporting event involving schools in their respective states. In 2003, the governors of Texas and Oklahoma made a bet on the outcome of the Red River Shootout. The stakes? 150 pounds of Oklahoma cornmeal vs. 325 pounds of Texas beef. With the Sooners 65-13 thrashing of the Longhorns, the Oklahoma governor laughed all the way to skillet.
Numerous other harmless bets between governors have been made over the years, but this weekend provides an opportunity for a wager that really matters. South Carolina heads into Chapel Hill this weekend to take on the Tar Heels in what should be a very exciting football game. The governors of two states have the wager of a lifetime sitting right in front of them. They should bet on which school gets to be called Carolina. First of all, the schools would have to sign a contract stipulating that they would meet every year, no matter what. This should happen anyway, as it would foster a great rivalry. What better time to do it with high profile coaches like Steve Spurrier and Butch Davis roaming the sidelines.
Now I realize that most people recognize UNC as the “real” Carolina. But I’m tired of the whole “we were a school first” excuse. That is getting very old and very lame, especially when Chapel Hill was founded only 12 years before USC (1789 vs. 1801). By my call, each school and their fan base have an equal right to use the Carolina moniker.
So back to my idea. Have the governors bet on who gets to use the Carolina name. The winner of the football game gets to use the Carolina name until the teams meet again the following fall. The loser has to add North or South to their title. And to make it even more meaningful, this would apply to all sports and literature about the schools. The loser would not be allowed to emblazen the sole word “Carolina” on any athletic uniform. On all broadcasts, the loser would have their compass direction printed while the winner would not.
Of course each fan base would continue to call their respective school “Carolina”, but the pride associated with a football win and knowing the media would bless the title “Carolina” on your school would be priceless. What better way to kick start a rivalry that should happen every year anyway. I challenge you, Governors Easley and Sanford.
The real point of all this is that it’s just better to be from a state like Virginia that has sole possession of its name and lets the inbreds from Morgantown have fun with their “West”.
On a related note, is there a fight over the Dakota name between the respective North and South states? Are there riots in Bismarck and Pierre over the proper moniker of Dakota? If there is no one around to hear the argument between the 2 total North and South Dakota fans, do the schools even exist?
Two other random thoughts while yall ponder the bet of the century:
I was in Starbucks this morning and ordered a “medium coffee”, as I refuse to give in to the ridiculous naming of their cup sizes. The girl working behind the counter looked at me like a deer in headlights before snapping out of it, turning around and yelling “Can I get a grande coffee?”. Anyway, I started listening to the people behind me and realized that their orders sounded absorutery redicurous. It was honestly like I was listening to a quarterback scream out a play call.
Ok boys, we got a venti, low fat, mocha frap with no whip and room for cream on three, on three…hut!
I felt like an outcast going in to Starbucks and ordering a medium coffee while everyone behind me had to look at a plastic sheet on their forearm to get their order right.
Secondly, I heard a commercial on the radio that almost made me slam on the brakes in laughter. It was an ad for a financial company decrying the need to refinance your mortgage now before the market collapses. It all sounded fine until the spokesman ended the commercial with the line
It’s the biggest no brainer in the history of Earth.
Wow. That’s a bold statement. You better be willing to back that shit up. I don’t see how you can go with that as your tag line. Seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Well that concludes this week’s edition of the Oceanliner. Many of us from the DC area will be making the trip down to Cville this weekend for Homecomings. If you are on the fence, don’t be a punk ass bitch. Make the trip down. Austin and I will be having a tailgate at Alumni Hall before and after the game with food and alcohol, so be sure and stop by. All are welcome. Until next time, stay tuned, keep it real, and play the game.
Numerous other harmless bets between governors have been made over the years, but this weekend provides an opportunity for a wager that really matters. South Carolina heads into Chapel Hill this weekend to take on the Tar Heels in what should be a very exciting football game. The governors of two states have the wager of a lifetime sitting right in front of them. They should bet on which school gets to be called Carolina. First of all, the schools would have to sign a contract stipulating that they would meet every year, no matter what. This should happen anyway, as it would foster a great rivalry. What better time to do it with high profile coaches like Steve Spurrier and Butch Davis roaming the sidelines.
Now I realize that most people recognize UNC as the “real” Carolina. But I’m tired of the whole “we were a school first” excuse. That is getting very old and very lame, especially when Chapel Hill was founded only 12 years before USC (1789 vs. 1801). By my call, each school and their fan base have an equal right to use the Carolina moniker.
So back to my idea. Have the governors bet on who gets to use the Carolina name. The winner of the football game gets to use the Carolina name until the teams meet again the following fall. The loser has to add North or South to their title. And to make it even more meaningful, this would apply to all sports and literature about the schools. The loser would not be allowed to emblazen the sole word “Carolina” on any athletic uniform. On all broadcasts, the loser would have their compass direction printed while the winner would not.
Of course each fan base would continue to call their respective school “Carolina”, but the pride associated with a football win and knowing the media would bless the title “Carolina” on your school would be priceless. What better way to kick start a rivalry that should happen every year anyway. I challenge you, Governors Easley and Sanford.
The real point of all this is that it’s just better to be from a state like Virginia that has sole possession of its name and lets the inbreds from Morgantown have fun with their “West”.
On a related note, is there a fight over the Dakota name between the respective North and South states? Are there riots in Bismarck and Pierre over the proper moniker of Dakota? If there is no one around to hear the argument between the 2 total North and South Dakota fans, do the schools even exist?
Two other random thoughts while yall ponder the bet of the century:
I was in Starbucks this morning and ordered a “medium coffee”, as I refuse to give in to the ridiculous naming of their cup sizes. The girl working behind the counter looked at me like a deer in headlights before snapping out of it, turning around and yelling “Can I get a grande coffee?”. Anyway, I started listening to the people behind me and realized that their orders sounded absorutery redicurous. It was honestly like I was listening to a quarterback scream out a play call.
Ok boys, we got a venti, low fat, mocha frap with no whip and room for cream on three, on three…hut!
I felt like an outcast going in to Starbucks and ordering a medium coffee while everyone behind me had to look at a plastic sheet on their forearm to get their order right.
Secondly, I heard a commercial on the radio that almost made me slam on the brakes in laughter. It was an ad for a financial company decrying the need to refinance your mortgage now before the market collapses. It all sounded fine until the spokesman ended the commercial with the line
It’s the biggest no brainer in the history of Earth.
Wow. That’s a bold statement. You better be willing to back that shit up. I don’t see how you can go with that as your tag line. Seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Well that concludes this week’s edition of the Oceanliner. Many of us from the DC area will be making the trip down to Cville this weekend for Homecomings. If you are on the fence, don’t be a punk ass bitch. Make the trip down. Austin and I will be having a tailgate at Alumni Hall before and after the game with food and alcohol, so be sure and stop by. All are welcome. Until next time, stay tuned, keep it real, and play the game.
October 03, 2007
And My Chevy Sits on 24's
It’s time again for my weekly random thoughts about nothing in particular. I start with a hilarious Ribrary Courts update though. Current Oceanliner roommate Will “Beercan” Potts is off in Chicago for two weeks partying his ass off while under the guise of “training” for Accenture. Right before Beercan left this past Sunday though he offered this priceless gem of an anecdote.
Beercan was thirsty (probably from an exhausting session of live guitar wailing and piano mastery) and went down to the parking garage to get a soda from the vending machine. He wanted a delicious Fanta orange soda to quench his musically induced thirst and pressed the button to make sure it wasn’t sold out. $1.25 it told him. Sweet Fanta was just a touch away. But when Beercan put his money in and pressed the Fanta button, it told him the machine was sold out. Every other option of soda was also sold out until the only choice left was Diet Coke, a bitter consolation prize at best. When Beercan pressed the Diet Coke button, not one, not two, not three but four Diet Cokes shot out of the vending machine. Not only that, it spit out all his money in change in four quarters, two dimes and a nickel. Needless to say, Beercan was stunned. There was a girl in the room with him and they both burst out laughing at such an incredulous occurrence. The girl then said “That’s such bullshit. I tried to get a Diet Coke one time and the machine ate my money”. So Beercan, being the gentleman that he is, gave her one of his four sodas and returned to the apartment with 3 Diet Cokes, his original $1.25 and one unbelievably hilarious story. As we are getting used to saying here at the Oceanliner, only at Ribrary Courts. Moving on…
You should know by now that I love strange/witty/amusing/dimwitted quotes. Lets get into two I heard this past week.
“I just want them to ride or die with me. If I'm the franchise quarterback, play me and let me stumble, because I'll fight through it, and that will help me and our team in the long run. I know coaches want to win now, and I guess they have their reasons.”
- Matt Leinart
This honestly sounds straight out of Sports Pickle’s Fake Quote of the Week, and not something that Leinart would actually say. First of all, “ride or die with me”? Is he serious? Is he trying to sound hard? The Ruff Ryders have got to go kick Leinart’s ass for embarrassing one of their lyrics so badly. Secondly, how can you keep a guy as the leader of your football team who’s already written off the season??? This might be one of the more selfish quotes I’ve ever seen. Leinart wants to sacrifice this season to speed up his learning curve? What a total douche bag. “I know the coaches want to win now, and I guess they have their reasons”. Are you kidding me? Ken Whisenhunt should bench Leinart immediately until he stops sulking like a little bitch. Better yet, make him go back to California and actually take care of the son of his that he never sees. What a loser.
Now, completely switching gears of course, is a comment made by a TBS announcer during the Padres-Rockies one game playoff (Which still hasn’t ended, so I’m not sure why the Rockies moved on. They must have magic on their side. Like Oceanliner roommate Joe Schlingbaum says of the Cubs: “It’s gonna be tough to beat a team that can score without even touching home plate”. OK, that’s enough. Let’s end this ridiculously long parentheses and get back to the comment by the TBS announcer on a certain pitch).
“He threw a great lollipop curveball right there.”
I have absolutely no idea what that means. If there are any baseball purists out there that can help me out, feel free to let me know. Did the batter suck on the swing like he would suck on a lollipop? I’m confused.
One loyal Oceanliner reader sent yours truly this text message last night.
How the hell is lou holtz announcing a game on espn. I feel like this train wreck warrants a mention in the ocean liner
Indeed it does, indeed it does. Until then I had no idea that Lou Holtz actually called live games for ESPN. Lou Holtz is the worst college football analyst I’ve ever heard speak. His analysis is 100% emotionally and personally biased and 0% independent and objective. Imagining him trying to observe a live football game and dispense analysis at the same time is like asking a dog to cut down a tree. It’s just impossible. My friend followed up his text with a hilarious email, which may earn him a guest column spot on the Oceanliner (ie less work for me).
holtz is either slowly going retarded or is always eating peanut butter
An absolute pinpoint call by the mystery caller. Holtz is a senile, bumbling homer who can’t talk. You’d think that would be the first qualification for a TV announcer: the ability to speak. Well Holt obviously cannot talk, so I don’t know he met that first qualification. They certainly don’t have him on there to reel in the ladies ala Erin Andrews for the men. The message finished with:
i actually spent some time thinking about it and even dreamt that i was watching a monday night football game annoucned by kornheiser, holtz, and madden
I think the booth would literally blow up before this could happen.
Madden: I’ll tell you what guys, the team that has the most points at the end of this game is gonna win. Man, I can’t wait to hit up that post game buffet…You’ve got your chicken wings over here, and your pigs in a blanket over here and your French fries running a post at the end of the table and Boom! Load it all up with ranch and game over.
Holtz: The Gamecocks are going to win!
Kornheiser: Coach, this is the NFL.
Holtz: Then the Fighting Irish are going to win!
Madden: And you can’t forget butter.
Kornheiser: Where the fuck is Wilbon…
That’s all I got for this week, keep it real everybody,
Beercan was thirsty (probably from an exhausting session of live guitar wailing and piano mastery) and went down to the parking garage to get a soda from the vending machine. He wanted a delicious Fanta orange soda to quench his musically induced thirst and pressed the button to make sure it wasn’t sold out. $1.25 it told him. Sweet Fanta was just a touch away. But when Beercan put his money in and pressed the Fanta button, it told him the machine was sold out. Every other option of soda was also sold out until the only choice left was Diet Coke, a bitter consolation prize at best. When Beercan pressed the Diet Coke button, not one, not two, not three but four Diet Cokes shot out of the vending machine. Not only that, it spit out all his money in change in four quarters, two dimes and a nickel. Needless to say, Beercan was stunned. There was a girl in the room with him and they both burst out laughing at such an incredulous occurrence. The girl then said “That’s such bullshit. I tried to get a Diet Coke one time and the machine ate my money”. So Beercan, being the gentleman that he is, gave her one of his four sodas and returned to the apartment with 3 Diet Cokes, his original $1.25 and one unbelievably hilarious story. As we are getting used to saying here at the Oceanliner, only at Ribrary Courts. Moving on…
You should know by now that I love strange/witty/amusing/dimwitted quotes. Lets get into two I heard this past week.
“I just want them to ride or die with me. If I'm the franchise quarterback, play me and let me stumble, because I'll fight through it, and that will help me and our team in the long run. I know coaches want to win now, and I guess they have their reasons.”
- Matt Leinart
This honestly sounds straight out of Sports Pickle’s Fake Quote of the Week, and not something that Leinart would actually say. First of all, “ride or die with me”? Is he serious? Is he trying to sound hard? The Ruff Ryders have got to go kick Leinart’s ass for embarrassing one of their lyrics so badly. Secondly, how can you keep a guy as the leader of your football team who’s already written off the season??? This might be one of the more selfish quotes I’ve ever seen. Leinart wants to sacrifice this season to speed up his learning curve? What a total douche bag. “I know the coaches want to win now, and I guess they have their reasons”. Are you kidding me? Ken Whisenhunt should bench Leinart immediately until he stops sulking like a little bitch. Better yet, make him go back to California and actually take care of the son of his that he never sees. What a loser.
Now, completely switching gears of course, is a comment made by a TBS announcer during the Padres-Rockies one game playoff (Which still hasn’t ended, so I’m not sure why the Rockies moved on. They must have magic on their side. Like Oceanliner roommate Joe Schlingbaum says of the Cubs: “It’s gonna be tough to beat a team that can score without even touching home plate”. OK, that’s enough. Let’s end this ridiculously long parentheses and get back to the comment by the TBS announcer on a certain pitch).
“He threw a great lollipop curveball right there.”
I have absolutely no idea what that means. If there are any baseball purists out there that can help me out, feel free to let me know. Did the batter suck on the swing like he would suck on a lollipop? I’m confused.
One loyal Oceanliner reader sent yours truly this text message last night.
How the hell is lou holtz announcing a game on espn. I feel like this train wreck warrants a mention in the ocean liner
Indeed it does, indeed it does. Until then I had no idea that Lou Holtz actually called live games for ESPN. Lou Holtz is the worst college football analyst I’ve ever heard speak. His analysis is 100% emotionally and personally biased and 0% independent and objective. Imagining him trying to observe a live football game and dispense analysis at the same time is like asking a dog to cut down a tree. It’s just impossible. My friend followed up his text with a hilarious email, which may earn him a guest column spot on the Oceanliner (ie less work for me).
holtz is either slowly going retarded or is always eating peanut butter
An absolute pinpoint call by the mystery caller. Holtz is a senile, bumbling homer who can’t talk. You’d think that would be the first qualification for a TV announcer: the ability to speak. Well Holt obviously cannot talk, so I don’t know he met that first qualification. They certainly don’t have him on there to reel in the ladies ala Erin Andrews for the men. The message finished with:
i actually spent some time thinking about it and even dreamt that i was watching a monday night football game annoucned by kornheiser, holtz, and madden
I think the booth would literally blow up before this could happen.
Madden: I’ll tell you what guys, the team that has the most points at the end of this game is gonna win. Man, I can’t wait to hit up that post game buffet…You’ve got your chicken wings over here, and your pigs in a blanket over here and your French fries running a post at the end of the table and Boom! Load it all up with ranch and game over.
Holtz: The Gamecocks are going to win!
Kornheiser: Coach, this is the NFL.
Holtz: Then the Fighting Irish are going to win!
Madden: And you can’t forget butter.
Kornheiser: Where the fuck is Wilbon…
That’s all I got for this week, keep it real everybody,
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