Oh herro. It’s good to be back. Austin and I spent the last week in the Outer Banks enjoying paradise. All I did was lie on the beach, eat delicious home cooked meals, drink beer and play a glorious round of golf. It was quite spectacular. And while it was hard to come back to the working world after such a serene week, at least I had something to get me through it: Game Day. Football season is finally here after a long hibernation through the end of winter, spring and most of summer. I’ve had an extra bounce in my step in anticipation of Game Day, when UVA takes on Southern Cal in an awesome home opener. You bet your ass the Oceanliner will be back in God’s garden to watch the Trojans take on the Cavs in Scott Stadium. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.
I love that we scheduled such a high profile opponent for the opening game. Even though we will most likely lose, everyone I know is excited about watching us play USC. It’s an elevated sense of hype and interest in the program heading into a new season that the like of Wyoming and Middle Tennessee State can’t build. So kudos to Littlepage and Groh for throwing their nuts on the table. The excitement on Game Day is going to be palpable.
Speaking of baller scheduling, one needs only to look at the opponent on Saturday. First of all, the PAC 10 does it right and has a true round robin during the regular season, with each team facing every other one. That leaves three non conference games for the Trojans to schedule and in 2008 those teams are Virginia, Ohio State and Notre Dame. That’s so ballsy it hurts. The Buckeyes are no scheduling pansies either. This is their second home and home series with a top 5 team in the last 4 years (epic games with Texas in 2005 and 2006). Go big or go home, Sallie.
A number of people ask me how I think the Hoos will fare in 2008. We will certainly not win 9 regular season games like we did last year. The 2007 Hoos had one of the best seasons in program history and it will not repeat itself easily, especially considering the 2008 Cavs have only 10 returning starters (5 each on offense and defense). Only seven schools in the country have fewer starters returning to their teams, and it’s not like UVA exactly loaded up on 5 star talent in the off-season. But I don’t think we are going to fall off a cliff either and finish 11th in the conference, which is where the ACC media voted us. I think we are going to finish 7-5 or 6-6 and go to a mediocre bowl, which is completely reasonable considering we are coming down from a great season. People need to realize that UVA is NOT going to contend for national championships. We’re just not. The absolute pinnacle of what we can do right now is win the Coastal Division, have a chance to win an ACC title and play in a BCS game. But there’s no way we go undefeated and play for a national title, or have one loss and be considered. The way UVA is made up its just not going to happen. But we aren’t going to finish 2-10 either.
Hopefully on Saturday we will break the single game attendance record at Scott Stadium, which is 63,701, when we lost a heartbreaker to Miami in 2004. After perusing the top 10 attendances in Scott Stadium history, I realized with pride that I had been to the top 9 attended games in UVA’s history. Hopefully this Saturday will break the record, and secure that I’ve been to all 10 of the highest attended football games in UVA history. The top 10 games (not in order) occurred twice my first year (Duke, Florida State), four times second year (Clemson, Carolina, Maryland, Miami), twice third year (Tech, Florida State) and at last years Tech game. Personally, I’d like to see us go above 65K.
I’m not counting us out completely against USC though. UVA has always played well at home since I started following the program in 2003. In fact, no ACC team has won more home games than UVA since 2001, which was Groh’s first year as coach. We have only been blown out at home once in the last five years, the Tech debacle in 2005. This means two things. One, is that we could possibly give USC a game. Two, it means we are absodutely atrocious on the road.
So I had to call China recently for work, and was surprised to find out that the whole country is on a single time zone, even though it is almost exactly as wide as the United States. Bizarre. I guess you can do that when you are communist. What’s even weirder is that, because of the single time zone across such a large country, if you are in western China and go directly south into India, you will jump back 2.5 hours in time. One would think going directly south would keep you in the same time zone, but not in the Orient apparently. I bet people who live right on that border game the system to get the longest days possible. But they are probably living on 13 cents a day and have more things to worry about than time zones.
I like Mark Schlabach of ESPN.com, but I hate it when people take college football games for granted. In his season preview he states that an Ohio State “victory over the Trojans will probably punch Ohio State's ticket to the Jan. 8 BCS Championship Game.” Oh, so those eight conference games are suddenly cupcakes? Conference games AT ranked Wisconsin and ranked Illinois are afterthoughts. Home games against Penn State, Purdue and Michigan are in the bag? Please, anything can happen in college football. Saying that a team in a power conference will “probably” sweep their remaining 9 times is ludicrous.
From the “there’s something else going on here” department, the article about the death of the author of 100 Things to do Before You Die was very strange. The CNN.com article led with “Dave Freeman, co-author of "100 Things to Do Before You Die," a travel guide and ode to odd adventures that inspired readers and imitators, died after hitting his head in a fall at his home. He was 47.” That was it. The rest of the article went on to tell of Freeman’s life accomplishments, but nothing more on a very weird death. Everyday people don’t just fall in their homes and die. I see more coming out of this.
Even though this rain in DC is pissing me off, the weekend in God’s Garden is going to be glorious. Austin and I are having a tailgate on Saturday starting around 11, so feel free to come on by. Also, we are going tubing on Sunday and leaving Cville around noon, so give me a shout if you want to go. So until next time, stay safe, keep it real and go Hoos.
August 29, 2008
August 14, 2008
Believe It Or Not
The Oceanliner is in mourning. In mourning because the world lost an Oelschlager this past weekend. Lost the name that is. My second cousin got married on Saturday, and alas she will be leaving behind the Mount Olympus of names. Not all is lost however. Her new husband seems like a great guy, and the wedding brought together more Oelschlager’s than I have ever been around in my life. It was royal company indeed.
It comes as no surprise that an Oelschlager wedding had the best beer selection I have ever seen at a nuptuals (and since this was the 6th wedding I’ve been to in 2008, I have room to compare). Amstel Light was the only light beer available (Yates’ dad would be proud), and the remaining choices were staggering. I had my choice of Sam Adams, Rolling Rock, Harpoon IPA, Harpoon Summer Ale, UFO Hefeweizen, Leinenkugel’s Honey Wheat, Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat, Penn Pilsner and Penn Golden Lager. It was pure heaven.
The coolest thing to come out of this wedding however was the knowledge that my cousin played an integral role in Seinfeld history. Annie Oelschlager lives in Los Angeles and works in the entertainment. When she originally moved out there, one of her friends worked in some capacity on Seinfeld. Well, Annie had the habit of recording a voicemail message on her home phone that changed the lyrics of a popular song to fit her message. She would do this every week or so. Well one day the friend that worked for Seinfeld called Annie at home when she wasn’t there and heard a recorded message that went something like…
“Believe it or not, Annie’s not home, please leave a message at the beep…I must be out…”
You know how it goes. Well the guy that worked for Seinfeld thought it was so funny that he called back, recorded the message and replayed it for Jerry and Larry David, who also thought it was a riot. Then they wrote it into the show as George’s answering machine message when he is avoiding the girl who wants to break up with him. So there you have it: the Oelschlager clan leaves its mark on the Seinfeld franchise. Pretty cool stuff.
Why hasn’t Sports Illustrated run a recent article on Chipper Jones quest to hit .400???? I mean they ran one in May, where’s the August follow up???? I mean he’s only 30 points away from .400 right now.
This is starting to become a regular feature, but my Nats are turning in one of the worst seasons in history. They have now lost six straight and recently went on a 27 inning scoreless streak. Oh yeah, and they got shutout for the 18th time this season on Wednesday night. W-o-o-f.
I caught the back nine of the PGA on Sunday, and it reinforced why I love watching major championship golf so much. It is just so riveting to me. Major golf can hold my attention for hours, where as the Olympics don’t really do it for me. Plus it’s always great to see Sergio get tea bagged by Paddy Harrington again. Gutie summed it up the win nicely in a post victory text:
I think Harrington has learned to use his super human no-blinking powers to intimidate his opponents and win
This obviously prompted some deeper speculation by Mr. Gutierrez, who followed up with an unprompted text only minutes later:
In fact, he and Hansbrough should have a stare-off…it would be close
I love it. Thinking about a Psycho T- Paddy H stare down took up at least 5 minutes of my Sunday evening. I think Harrington would win though because Hansbrough wouldn’t be able to keep still for more than 10 seconds.
Swimming in those LZR suits is like playing with Monopoly money.
The football gods have hung a cloud of frustration over my head, and are making it pour. Both my favorite college and pro teams (Virginia and San Francisco) continue to have a three way quarterback battle that both has no end in sight and has everyone tight lipped as can be. Here’s hoping these situations get resolved quickly, so both teams can focus on their openers with a clear leader under center. And here’s hoping Oceanliner fraternity brother Scott Deke wins the Virginia job. And here’s hoping Alex Smith felt up some mutant sunflowers ala Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 in the off season so that his doll sized hands got a little bigger.
Speaking of football, everyone should try and make it to the UVA-USC game on August 30. Austin and I will be having a tailgate and the plan is for a tubing trip that Sunday, as Monday is Labor Day and most people should have that day off, except Spencer’s European ass.
I have to end with some sad news, though I am powerless to stop it. The Oceanliner and Austin are going to the beach all next week, thus there will be no column until the week of the 25th. So I hope all of you can find something else to do for a week (hang in there L-Dub). So until next time, stay safe, keep it real and ride it out.
It comes as no surprise that an Oelschlager wedding had the best beer selection I have ever seen at a nuptuals (and since this was the 6th wedding I’ve been to in 2008, I have room to compare). Amstel Light was the only light beer available (Yates’ dad would be proud), and the remaining choices were staggering. I had my choice of Sam Adams, Rolling Rock, Harpoon IPA, Harpoon Summer Ale, UFO Hefeweizen, Leinenkugel’s Honey Wheat, Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat, Penn Pilsner and Penn Golden Lager. It was pure heaven.
The coolest thing to come out of this wedding however was the knowledge that my cousin played an integral role in Seinfeld history. Annie Oelschlager lives in Los Angeles and works in the entertainment. When she originally moved out there, one of her friends worked in some capacity on Seinfeld. Well, Annie had the habit of recording a voicemail message on her home phone that changed the lyrics of a popular song to fit her message. She would do this every week or so. Well one day the friend that worked for Seinfeld called Annie at home when she wasn’t there and heard a recorded message that went something like…
“Believe it or not, Annie’s not home, please leave a message at the beep…I must be out…”
You know how it goes. Well the guy that worked for Seinfeld thought it was so funny that he called back, recorded the message and replayed it for Jerry and Larry David, who also thought it was a riot. Then they wrote it into the show as George’s answering machine message when he is avoiding the girl who wants to break up with him. So there you have it: the Oelschlager clan leaves its mark on the Seinfeld franchise. Pretty cool stuff.
Why hasn’t Sports Illustrated run a recent article on Chipper Jones quest to hit .400???? I mean they ran one in May, where’s the August follow up???? I mean he’s only 30 points away from .400 right now.
This is starting to become a regular feature, but my Nats are turning in one of the worst seasons in history. They have now lost six straight and recently went on a 27 inning scoreless streak. Oh yeah, and they got shutout for the 18th time this season on Wednesday night. W-o-o-f.
I caught the back nine of the PGA on Sunday, and it reinforced why I love watching major championship golf so much. It is just so riveting to me. Major golf can hold my attention for hours, where as the Olympics don’t really do it for me. Plus it’s always great to see Sergio get tea bagged by Paddy Harrington again. Gutie summed it up the win nicely in a post victory text:
I think Harrington has learned to use his super human no-blinking powers to intimidate his opponents and win
This obviously prompted some deeper speculation by Mr. Gutierrez, who followed up with an unprompted text only minutes later:
In fact, he and Hansbrough should have a stare-off…it would be close
I love it. Thinking about a Psycho T- Paddy H stare down took up at least 5 minutes of my Sunday evening. I think Harrington would win though because Hansbrough wouldn’t be able to keep still for more than 10 seconds.
Swimming in those LZR suits is like playing with Monopoly money.
The football gods have hung a cloud of frustration over my head, and are making it pour. Both my favorite college and pro teams (Virginia and San Francisco) continue to have a three way quarterback battle that both has no end in sight and has everyone tight lipped as can be. Here’s hoping these situations get resolved quickly, so both teams can focus on their openers with a clear leader under center. And here’s hoping Oceanliner fraternity brother Scott Deke wins the Virginia job. And here’s hoping Alex Smith felt up some mutant sunflowers ala Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 in the off season so that his doll sized hands got a little bigger.
Speaking of football, everyone should try and make it to the UVA-USC game on August 30. Austin and I will be having a tailgate and the plan is for a tubing trip that Sunday, as Monday is Labor Day and most people should have that day off, except Spencer’s European ass.
I have to end with some sad news, though I am powerless to stop it. The Oceanliner and Austin are going to the beach all next week, thus there will be no column until the week of the 25th. So I hope all of you can find something else to do for a week (hang in there L-Dub). So until next time, stay safe, keep it real and ride it out.
August 13, 2008
Bu-Bu-buuwwwwhhhaatttt? Stat of the Week
Most people have probably heard some thing about the controversy related to the Chinese women’s gymnastics team and their age. In brief, many people believe the Chinese gymnasts have lied about their age to be eligible to compete in the Olympics. You have to be 16 to compete, and there are serious concerns that many members of the Chinese team are actually younger than this. Well, we aren’t here to discuss that. What I am here to discuss is the size of these Chinese youngsters. Well, actually their lack of size. Here is the height and weight of 5 of the female Chinese gymnasts, absodutely meriting buh-buh-buuuaaaaaahhhhttttt? incredulousness:
Li Shanshan 4’9”, 79 pounds
Yang Yilin, 4’11”, 77 pounds
He Kexin, 4’8”, 73 pounds
Jiang Yuyuan, 4’7”, 71 pounds
Deng Linlin, 4’6”, 68 pounds
Here is a picture of the Chinese team in front of the US team:
If all of these girls (including the US team) are really 16, that might be sadder than if everyone was lying, because 16-year olds that look like that have done nothing short of tortured themselves and their bodies. On that happy note, enjoy the individual all around later in the Olympics!
Li Shanshan 4’9”, 79 pounds
Yang Yilin, 4’11”, 77 pounds
He Kexin, 4’8”, 73 pounds
Jiang Yuyuan, 4’7”, 71 pounds
Deng Linlin, 4’6”, 68 pounds
Here is a picture of the Chinese team in front of the US team:
If all of these girls (including the US team) are really 16, that might be sadder than if everyone was lying, because 16-year olds that look like that have done nothing short of tortured themselves and their bodies. On that happy note, enjoy the individual all around later in the Olympics!
August 06, 2008
So Rong Ribrary
And then it was gone. Over the weekend the Pottster and I loaded up a UHAUL and bid adieu to the beacon on the hill, otherwise known as Library Courts. We had a good run for the past 13 months, but like they say, all good things come to an end. It was a bittersweet parting, but I think we have enough vending machine follies, pizza delivery car towing, typo filled notices and breakfast nook memories to last a lifetime. So, aroha Ribrary, and may our paths cross again in the future.
Not all is lost however as Schling, Beercan and I all moved into the great unknown, aka DC itself, and will most assuredly undertake new and exciting adventures. We all moved in different places, but we are all close, and you can bet your ass I’ll be over at Pott’s place on game days to catch the action on his new 52” flat screen. Life is good.
Yours truly found an open room for rent in a detached house with a big back yard, and it seems the Oceanliner has stumbled into a virtual paradise. For one, the backyard is loaded with side by side grills, one gas and one charcoal. Niiiiice. Two, my room actually has windows this year. Still no closet, by hey I’m making strides. Then there are the occupations of my new house mates. One works in sales and marketing for the Washington Wizards and gets free tickets galore to all events at the Verizon Center, not just NBA games. The second works for the biggest beer distributor in the city and brings home free beer every day. You read that correctly. There is a mini fridge in the dining room with free roommate beer. I have already indulged numerous times. Some of the beers he brings home aren’t even on the market yet. Today when I go home I can try between two Sam Adams prototypes. The third roommate is a biomedical engineer for the American Red Cross, so if you need any blood, holler atcha boy. I bet you’re reading this and wondering “Well shit, what does Oelschlager bring to the table?” My patented sarcasm and fairly shallow observations, that’s what. Which leads us perfectly into my random thought of the week(s).
Stating the Obvious of the Week:
My Nats are truly horrendous. After a smoking July which saw them go an impressive 5-19 (that’s a .208 winning percentage for those of you scoring at home), the DC 9 sat at the bottom of the standings as the worst team in baseball. It is not hard to figure out why the Nats are so bad. In baseball, you need to be able to hit to win games. The Nats can’t hit, thus it makes sense that they can’t win games. On August 1st, the Nats were last in the whole sport in runs, hits, batting average, on base percentage and slugging percentage. They are batting .241 as a team. Oy vey. But hey, I still love going to games.
Regurgitated Stat of the Week
The Yankees should have thrown a parade when Manny Ramirez got traded to the Dodgers. Check out Manny’s career stats against the Bronx Bombers:
.321 batting average, 1,029 OPS, 55 home runs, 163 RBI’s in 200 games
Good golly, Miss Molly. Somehow I doubt Jason Bay is going to put the fear of God into anybody on the Yankees pitching staff the way Manny did.
Idea That Will Never See Fruition of the Week
The wave is one of the grandest of sporting traditions, but it really needs a better way to end. Once it gets going the wave is a very impressive spectacle. But nothing is quite as demoralizing as watching the wave slowly die down a peter out with the last 26 oblivious fans in the stadium still going nuts. I don’t know how to do it, but people need to agree on say, three full rotations around the stadium and then everyone yells Charge! or something. I don’t know the solution, but there’s got to be one.
You see that there folks? That’s classic Oceanliner tact: point out a problem and not offer a way to fix it. I feel like a political commentator already. Hey-yo!
Reevaluation of Priorities of the Week
Austin and I were waiting behind some dude at the grocery store last week at the Red Box thing where you can rent movies. After pondering his selection for a solid ten minutes, the guy choose…Step Up 2: The Streets. This dude needs to stop the presses if Step Up 2 is his entertainment destination. This is the movie whose tagline is
It's not where you're from. It's where you're at.
That’s deep. And you know any movie that has this as an image will be transcending:
Yes, somebody paid money to watch this movie. And yes, someone paid money, a lot of money, to make this movie. And people wonder why I get so worked up sometimes.
Comment of the Week
During the coverage of the British Open Gauntlet, Ian Baker Finch had the best line by far, simply stating, “Well, it’s a good day to be a kite, at least.”
(Shhhhhh. That quote was from like two weeks ago. Shhhhhhh.)
Headscratcher of the Week
In news that is somewhat interesting, fairly mundane and completely inconsequential, I found out last week while watching a Phillies-Nats game that 45 year old Phillies pitcher Jamie Moyer is married to the daughter of ESPN college basketball analyst Digger Phelps. Who knew?
You Know How This Part Goes
Well, that’s it for this week folks. After Yatesing/Gutiing/Spencing the last column, I’ll end this one by Samming it. Stay safe, keep it real and oooooouuuuuuu! (throwing back my head and kicking with one leg)
Not all is lost however as Schling, Beercan and I all moved into the great unknown, aka DC itself, and will most assuredly undertake new and exciting adventures. We all moved in different places, but we are all close, and you can bet your ass I’ll be over at Pott’s place on game days to catch the action on his new 52” flat screen. Life is good.
Yours truly found an open room for rent in a detached house with a big back yard, and it seems the Oceanliner has stumbled into a virtual paradise. For one, the backyard is loaded with side by side grills, one gas and one charcoal. Niiiiice. Two, my room actually has windows this year. Still no closet, by hey I’m making strides. Then there are the occupations of my new house mates. One works in sales and marketing for the Washington Wizards and gets free tickets galore to all events at the Verizon Center, not just NBA games. The second works for the biggest beer distributor in the city and brings home free beer every day. You read that correctly. There is a mini fridge in the dining room with free roommate beer. I have already indulged numerous times. Some of the beers he brings home aren’t even on the market yet. Today when I go home I can try between two Sam Adams prototypes. The third roommate is a biomedical engineer for the American Red Cross, so if you need any blood, holler atcha boy. I bet you’re reading this and wondering “Well shit, what does Oelschlager bring to the table?” My patented sarcasm and fairly shallow observations, that’s what. Which leads us perfectly into my random thought of the week(s).
Stating the Obvious of the Week:
My Nats are truly horrendous. After a smoking July which saw them go an impressive 5-19 (that’s a .208 winning percentage for those of you scoring at home), the DC 9 sat at the bottom of the standings as the worst team in baseball. It is not hard to figure out why the Nats are so bad. In baseball, you need to be able to hit to win games. The Nats can’t hit, thus it makes sense that they can’t win games. On August 1st, the Nats were last in the whole sport in runs, hits, batting average, on base percentage and slugging percentage. They are batting .241 as a team. Oy vey. But hey, I still love going to games.
Regurgitated Stat of the Week
The Yankees should have thrown a parade when Manny Ramirez got traded to the Dodgers. Check out Manny’s career stats against the Bronx Bombers:
.321 batting average, 1,029 OPS, 55 home runs, 163 RBI’s in 200 games
Good golly, Miss Molly. Somehow I doubt Jason Bay is going to put the fear of God into anybody on the Yankees pitching staff the way Manny did.
Idea That Will Never See Fruition of the Week
The wave is one of the grandest of sporting traditions, but it really needs a better way to end. Once it gets going the wave is a very impressive spectacle. But nothing is quite as demoralizing as watching the wave slowly die down a peter out with the last 26 oblivious fans in the stadium still going nuts. I don’t know how to do it, but people need to agree on say, three full rotations around the stadium and then everyone yells Charge! or something. I don’t know the solution, but there’s got to be one.
You see that there folks? That’s classic Oceanliner tact: point out a problem and not offer a way to fix it. I feel like a political commentator already. Hey-yo!
Reevaluation of Priorities of the Week
Austin and I were waiting behind some dude at the grocery store last week at the Red Box thing where you can rent movies. After pondering his selection for a solid ten minutes, the guy choose…Step Up 2: The Streets. This dude needs to stop the presses if Step Up 2 is his entertainment destination. This is the movie whose tagline is
It's not where you're from. It's where you're at.
That’s deep. And you know any movie that has this as an image will be transcending:
Yes, somebody paid money to watch this movie. And yes, someone paid money, a lot of money, to make this movie. And people wonder why I get so worked up sometimes.
Comment of the Week
During the coverage of the British Open Gauntlet, Ian Baker Finch had the best line by far, simply stating, “Well, it’s a good day to be a kite, at least.”
(Shhhhhh. That quote was from like two weeks ago. Shhhhhhh.)
Headscratcher of the Week
In news that is somewhat interesting, fairly mundane and completely inconsequential, I found out last week while watching a Phillies-Nats game that 45 year old Phillies pitcher Jamie Moyer is married to the daughter of ESPN college basketball analyst Digger Phelps. Who knew?
You Know How This Part Goes
Well, that’s it for this week folks. After Yatesing/Gutiing/Spencing the last column, I’ll end this one by Samming it. Stay safe, keep it real and oooooouuuuuuu! (throwing back my head and kicking with one leg)
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