Teradactyl

Happy February everybody. I don’t have much to say about the Super Bowl that hasn’t been beaten to death already, so let’s just move on. Although it’s definitely sad that Load Football is done for the next seven months, there is still a wide range of sporting events to keep us from getting too lost in the routine of every day life. And when sports doesn’t do it anymore, there are still plenty of hilarious parts of life to roll on. So don’t despair because football is over and we are in the doldrums of early February. March Madness is just around the corner, and then we swing into golf major season and then the glory of summer is upon us. So keep your chin up, and happy February.

And although I don’t have anything to say about XLII, I doneed to point readers to the hilarious Michael Strahan. This one clip didn’t make the rounds nearly as much as the “Stomp You Out” video, but is infinitely more hilarious. All of you Chappelle Show/”Black Bush” fans out there will know what I’m talking about. Gutie, this one’s especially for you.

http://video.wnbc.com/player/?id=214308

Now that football is over, we can focus our attention back to the freakish athletic nature of professional basketball players. Watching a regular season basketball game is still very painful, but some of the highlights that surface remind us how gifted these guys really are. I was watching the recap of the Celtics-Cavs game from Tuesday night, and King James put on a freaking show. The coolest highlight was when Tyrone Biggums crack head look-alike Rajon Rondo drove to the basket and tried to throw up a weak layup off the glass. LBJ seemingly came from across the lane and blovked the hell out of the shot, almost palming the ball against the backboard with one hand. Simply amazing. The local Cavs play-by-play man put it best with:

A terodactyl couldn’t have blocked that shot any better!

A superb image to put in the viewers head. I wish I were that clever. I personally think Terodactyl is a sweet nickname for an NBA player, especially one with insane leaping ability. But LeBron already has a significant stable of nicknames (LBJ, King, Chosen One, Bron Bron). He also has the ability to go by one name, simply LeBron. No one will confuse that with somebody else. So it would be a shame to waste Teradactyl on a player with so many other monikers. So my goal was to find a freakish leaper that was semi under the radar who did not already have a badass nickname. Shawn Marion came to mind, but he is already The Matrix. And Kobe is one of those single named entites. Then it hit me. The NBA player that should be called Teradactyl is Josh Smith of the Atlanta Hawks. Kid is an absolute freak. 6’9’’ with a 35 inch vertical leap and a 7’4” wingspan. The guy throws down the most thunderous dunks you have ever seen, and is equally adept on the defensive side of the ball, where he is second in the NBA in blocks and comes out of nowhere to swat the ever-living shit out of people. If you have not seen highlights, go to You Tube immediately. Better yet, here’s his Top 10 plays of last season, and they are insane:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ocaatPvI90k

I’ve heard that some people call Smith Jsmooth. Well that shit is stupid as hell. So let’s spread the word Oceanliner nation: whenever you talk about Josh Smith, christen him the Teradactyl. I think we can do it.

Now, here at the Oceanliner, we (I?) can’t stand it when people can’t own up to mistakes that they have made. And unfortunately in my case, I have to admit to one right now. After watching continued highlights over the last couple of months of lame duck biotch Tracy McGrady contrasted against the brilliance of the Teradactyl, I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I erred when picking my All NBA Volleyball All Star Team back in December. It’s the one pick I wish I could have back. There’s just no way T-Mac deserves to be on the team more than Smith. At one point maybe, but it’s not even close right now. I’m happy with all of my other picks, and I’m certain they will last the test of time. But that’s one I really screwed up on, and I have no excuses. Tyler, your inclusion of Smith in the starting lineup is the right call. I am humble in the wake of this error.

When you check the NBA standings, you realize how stupid their playoff format is. There are 30 teams in the Association. Over half of them make the playoffs, which is astounding. If you are in the bottom half of the league, theres no way you deserve a chance to compete for the title. Yet a full 16 teams make the post season. This becomes especially nuts when there is a large disparity in talent between the conferences, as there is this year. The West as a whole Is so much better than the East it’s not even funny. If the season ended today, both the Atlanta Hawks and New Jersey Nets would make the playoffs. They are a combined 12 games under .500. Meanwhile, in the West, the Houston Rockets are on the outside looking in with a 28-20 record, good for 9^th in the conference. They would be the 4^th seed in the Eastern Conference. What a joke. There are only 5 teams in the West with losing records. Over half the squads in the East are below .500. Pathetic. The NBA should make the playoffs the best teams in the league, regardless of conference. Note I didn’t say the top 16 teams in the league, because that number is ludicrous. One of the reasons people can’t stand the NBA is that their playoffs last two and a half months. That’s what happens when there are 16 teams and every series is best of 7. They should cut the eligible teams to 8, and then people might actually care about the matchups and watch them in a reasonable time frame.

Speaking of ludicrous, what the hell is Steve Kerr thinking trading The Matrix for Shaq. This honestly is such a stupid move that it would be justifiable to fire Kerr on the spot. I’m not going to go into why it was a bad trade, good writers have done a better job doing that. It’s just a sad day for NBA fans in general. I was talking to my friend on the phone today who is a huge Suns fan and he made a good point. The Suns are a lot of people’s second or third favorite team because they are just so damn fun to watch. Many fans who don’t even have a team enjoy watching the fun and gun that the Suns display night in and night out. The Shaq trade completely ruins this style, and people will lose interest in the team. This obviously hurts the NBA and casual fans. It’s like in football where you have your loyal team to the death (49ers for me) but enjoy seeing other teams play because they are exciting to watch (Chargers, Colts). Then either or Indy or the Chargers completely screws things up and you stop caring because they aren’t flashy anymore. This is what the Suns have done, and it sucks for the NBA and its fans.

Completely switching gears here, but hey, what’s new, did yall see what Tig did in Dubai this weekend? Many people probably saw that he won, but did you see how? On Sunday, Woods shot a 7 under 65, including birdying 6 of the final 9 holes for a single shot victory. What a badass. This might be the year he just refuses to lose. This might be the year where you will come out ahead betting on Tiger over the field, for the entire year. Tigerbot is en fuego, and if I’d be terrified if I had to face him in ’08.

Last, and unfortunately least, is our good friend Ryan “Pett” Pettinella. Pett, Pett, Pett, you just can’t kept your body off the opposition. When we last left our hero, he had fallen into a hole, increasing his deficit for the season by having 5 more fouls than points. When I first checked the box score against Va Tech (we will not speak of that blasphemous result), it looked promising, as the big man miraculously made two shots and had 4 points. Surely he could at least tie for the night in 15 minutes of work? Not so my friends. Pett fouled out to continue this now tragic Oceanliner original feature, and has fallen to minus 6 for the season. This is becoming a Shakepsearean play, where you know it’s going to turn out terribly, but you watch it until the very end anyway.

Well, that’s it for this week folks. The Super Bowl party was a resounding success and I thank everyone that made it. I hope everyone out there had a super Sunday as well, it was an amazing game to watch. One of the reasons I love sports so much is because no matter how many times I see it, David Tyree’s catch will always, and I mean always, be absorutery, unberievabry amazingry awesome. It, like all other crazy plays like it, never ever get old. It just cannot be duplicated in real life. If it happened in a movie, it would suck because no one would believe it. But it’s real and it will always be awesome. Anyway, I’m getting pumped about Dook-Carolina tonight, where I hope something as nuts happens to add to the best rivalry in sports. Until next time friends, as always, stay safe, keep it real and don’t resemble life too much.