It’s all yours-o, not theirs-o. You know, corny commercials are really hit or miss with The Oceanliner. Some are really painful to watch and literally make me cringe with awkwardness. Others, like those new Quiznos Ranchero ads, crack me up every time. I don’t know what it is, but there is a fine line with me between corny-good and corny-horrendous. Like those new freecreditreport.com commercials with the songs. I personally find them amusing and catchy, but I could definitely see if some people wanted to drive their car off the road the next time they heard it.
F-r-e-e that spells free, credit report dot com, baby...Love it. The little head bob the guy does at the end in his car is a perfect way to end it too. I have also liked the two other I have seen (pirate host at a tacky restaurant, living in parents basement). Keep em comin. Until I start to hate them.
Speaking of commercials, we are in the midst of one of the worst periods I can remember of incessant blasts for movies that look absolutely awful. I think it started with the losers that promoted Jumper, where you would see 5 spots a day for a movie that A) looked horrific (way to go Sam Jackson) and B) didn’t come out for another 2 months. It has gotten worse in these weeks following the Osacrs, when I assume movie execs are dumping the dregs of their lot on to the poor public. Over the past couple of nights I’ve seen trailers for Doomsday, Shutter (man that Pacy from Dawson’s Creek is gonna be a star!), Step Up 2, Drillbit Taylor (Owen Wilson has fallen hard), Never Back Down and Bachelor Party 2 (straight to DVD!). Each movie made me shake my head in a combination of incredulity, sadness and disgust. Like I said earlier, I hope this is just a garbage dump stage between Oscar season and summer blockbusters, otherwise the movie industry is in a depressed state. Somehow, 10,000 BC made $35 million in its opening weekend (you know a movie is bad when you see the preview and you have no idea what the movie is about) and College Road Trip made $14 million (you know this movie is bad because it “stars” Martin Lawrence and Raven Simone). I knew it was a sad state of affairs when the most attractive movie option at the moment for me was a toss up between Vantage Point (Dennis Quaid is a hero! Forest Whitaker is a tourist!) and Horton Hears a Who.
This may be my Oelschlager heritage coming out, but I think a recessive Eurotrash gene has resurfaced in my family, as I am somehow unable to turn off awful techno-pop when it comes on the radio. Sandstorm? Love it. That remake of Listen to Your Heart? Can’t get enough of it. The techno version of the Braveheart song? Addicting. So if you were driving on the Beltway this morning around 8:30 and saw some lunatic bouncing around his blue Grand Cherokee like a madman, you can relax. It wasn’t me having a seizure; Hot 99.5 decided to play Everytime We Touch by Cascada and I had to crank it. I had no choice, it was reflexive. I need help.
And yes, there is an actual point to this post, so I will stop with the strange Oceanliner anecdotes. It is time to update the Eliminator, those teams which are not going to win the NCAA Tournament. Last week we said good bye to Duke, Memphis and every Mid Major that’s makes it (this now includes Cornell, Belmont, Portland State, Winthrop, George Mason, Butler, Siena, Drake, Mt. St. Mary’s, Austin Peay, Davidson, Oral Roberts, Western Kentucky and San Diego). It’s time to add two more teams to the No Soup For You list. Drumroll please…
Georgetown
Roy Hibbert is not a very good basketball player. He played in the same conference as Episcopal in high school and I remember seeing him play when I was a senior and he was a junior. He was terrible. The man literally could not run or catch. Ole Roy has definitely grown into his body, but he still looke like Old Man River. He is still awkward as hell, will definitely not take over a game and is very overrated. I mean, this is a guy who averaged 13.6 points and 6.4 rebounds this year, and he’s supposed to be some kind of superstar? Why are people calling him a lottery pick? The only reason is because he’s 7’2”, which is hilarious because someone who is that tall needs to be able to play basketball too. He has improved exponentially since high school, but he’s not NBA caliber and he can’t take over a college game like Oden could. The Hoyas had their best shot last year when they had a legitimate college ace in Jeff Green (who’s now averaging 9 and 5 in the Show by the way). Now they don’t have Green and Hibbert is still average. These ingredients are not going to put together a Champion. Sorry G-town, you’ve been eliminated.
UCLA
It is tough for me to eliminate the Bruins, especially since they have the inside-outside presence needed to win a championship. It’s even tougher for me to eliminate them because they have been essentially disqualified for actions that were of no fault of their own. UCLA was the beneficiary of two absolutely horrendous officiating calls in their two back-to-back nail biter wins against Standford and Cal. Again, this was no fault of their own. But every NCAA champion needs a little but of luck along the way, and the Bruins have already used up all of theirs. The college basketball gods look down on this sort of thing and must equalize. UCLA has already gotten two miracle calls, and they will not get the others needed to win the Tournament. I’m even going to even go as far as to predict that an egregious, game altering, last second call is going to go against UCLA come Tournament time, and they will be helpless to prevent it. I feel bad for UCLA, because the college basketball gods have to smite them down. But that’s the way it goes sometimes. Bu bye Bruins.
If you hadn’t noticed already, NC State is pathetic. They have lost 9 games in a row. Early season losses came to New Orleans and East Carolina. In their loss to Miami today in the first round of the ACC Tourney, JJ Hickson actually had a good game. He had 27 points on 8-15 shooting. Too bad the rest of his “team mates” combined to go 8-33 from the field (24%) and score only 23 points themselves. That’s just painfully bad.
Anyone catch Bob Knight doing some analysis for ESPN? I didn’t listen to a word he said because what he was wearing cracked me up so much. While Digger Phelps and whoever was hosting were all dapper in their suits, Knight had on a collared shirt and a windbreaker. Priceless. It looked like he had just come in off the golf course. No way is The General going to be The Man’s bitch and put on a suit. The windbreaker even had an ESPN logo stitched on it. Great stuff.
Well that’s it for this week folks. The Oceanliner is very excited about the Virginia-Georgia Tech game tonight. Be sure to tune in at 7pm on the deuce. That’s 6pm for you in the Central, Gutie. Hopefully the Cavs can prolong their season. Either way it will be fun to watch Sean Singletary ball it up at least one more time. So until next time friends, same bat time, same bat channel.
2 comments:
Gutie here for what is becoming my weekly response to your post in order to fill in the lulls at work. Let me just say that my parents, who I trust when it comes to new movie analysis because they go see at least 1 and sometimes 2 a weekend, said that Vantage Point was "one of the worst movies [they] had seen in a long time." Callie and I were going to see it on opening weekend before my dad warned me not to waste my money. Looks like I'll be waiting until its movie channel debut.
Also, after watching most of the ACC tourney this weekend, am I the only one thinking that while the basketball was awesome (= Duke makes a premature exit and UNC wins), the part with the guy singing opera about the teams was terrible? Maybe I missed some artistic or otherwise meaningful element, but I had to switch channels briefly during those parts.
That is all, Gutie out.
Dude, that opera shit was some of the worst "music" I've ever heard in my entire life. It's literally unbelievable that was 1) created and 2) approved. I want to meet the person that thinks that was good music, and just try and understand how that's possible.
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